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- I live in a house with all my best friends.
We're all poly.
- You stay right where you are!
(intense music playing)
(classical music playing)
- Hello everyone.
- Hello.
- So that's, that's most So you can stay there.
(laughing)
You're good too.
- Okay. I'm good? All right.
- Like this..
- I'm nice in the middle? Is that what you're saying?
- I think you have to take a, a little walk over there.
- Oh me do I look like that much of a slut? Okay.
(laughing)
- Notice she didn't say anything.
She just moved quickly.
She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(laughing)
- I feel like I kind of fly under the radar.
People always assume I'm cis and straight
and people tend to be a little surprised.
- Based on my conservative outfit choice.
I'm gonna move myself one. - I was gonna say...
- Right? (laughing)
- I was gonna say. - Yeah. Good, good.
I just wanna make sure.
- Even though you're incognito, I just..
(shocking sounds)
- [Jax-Prince] I feel like - Just think.
I think you should actually go right back.
- Oh my God. Alright. Alright. Okay, okay.
- I think that's going to fool us real quick.
- Nice shoes, you know.
- Thank you. See?
Yeah. I didn't pick these so. (laughing)
Somebody else in my life is clearly
- Somebody else in your life.
- Somebody else move right on up.
- All right. All right! (laughing)
- How do we feel about the lineup?
- I think it's good.
- I have no opinion on..
- On where you should be?
- I Then you need, you should probably move one.
- Yeah. - One. One. Yeah. That's..
- All righty.
- There you go. - I think we're good!
- Yeah - This feels good.
(transitional music)
- [Anya] When did you all first know
that you were polyamorous?
- The day I was born.
- [Anya] Yeah? Very nice.
- Came out the womb. - Okay.
- I like where you are in the line.
- Out of all the relationships that I'd ever been in
no matter who I was with
I would always have feelings for someone else.
So I knew kind of young.
I didn't actually come out
as poly up until about two or three years ago.
So I wanna say it's still kind of new to me
but every day is really a learning experience.
- When did I start to figure that out?
When I took anthropology in college
and they explain what Compersionism was.
- What is that?
- So, it's the joy you get
from experiencing somebody else's joy.
- Yes. Oh my gosh, yes.
(laughing)
- Every relationship I'd had
since that moment was me trying to talk
about it and it not being correct.
You know? It's like.. - We know.
- It's the first group I've ever been in
where everybody goes, yes.
- We get you, we get you.
- Everybody else goes, "No, we don't."
(laughing)
- I was a serial monogamist
it just kind of transformed slowly.
Partners were on board. So
yeah. - There's this expectation
that you're supposed to be selfish
when you're in a relationship
and that is just never computed with me.
- I would say it's about like been a year and a half
two years of like me when I'm dating, I'm like, yeah
this is what I do.
This is, yeah.
- Welcome. - I think you go up. Yeah.
- This direction? All right. - Switch with me.
- Okay. Oh
- Okay. Alright.
- You might be able to move up. You move down.
Yeah. - Yeah.
- I live in the house with all my best friends.
We're all poly. - You're all poly?
- Yeah. I love it. - You stay there.
You stay right where you are.
(laughing)
Do you guys need a new roommate? Or..
- I said they're my best..
I just said they're my besties. Like
- How much free time would you say you have?
- For all of my partners, there's not enough time
but I give most of my time to my current primary partner.
- All of? - Yeah. She just said all,
all they said, all they said all as..
- I will say most of my time is used by work.
I just work entirely too much so.
- Oh I feel that.
- [Anya] Okay. So yeah back. Come back
- Where? Where am I going? Right here.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Doing a lot of shifting around in the middle over here.
- Yeah. - Oh gosh.
Yeah. No, I do not have an inch of time.
Partly because I'm still trying to figure out
my own time management. Trying to balance
that with other people has been a learning curve.
- Free agent.
- I'm gonna scooch this way, then.
I feel like I have some, some time.
- [Host] Are your partners poly?
- Ah, yes.
- That would be crazy
- You can, you can be poly and date monogamous people.
- [D'Nayzja] Yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't.
- So wait, so you've dated a monogamous person being poly?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Like they're monogamous.
They don't wanna date anyone themselves
in our relationship. And it like that line is..
- They were monogamous to you. - Exactly. Exactly, exactly.
- You literally could not pay me
to be monogamous ever again. I think it's a trap.
- What about careers?
- I'm a comedian.
- Oh yeah.
(laughing)
Yes.
- [Mia] This guy gets it.
This guy gets some.
- Okay.
- I make music.
- Why did we take the anchor out?
Music, music above comedy (laughing)
rockstar above anybody who makes jokes.
- I am a professional dominatrix
and a professional sex worker.
I'm an influencer and I'm a voice actor.
Word.
- I just feel like you have more partners than me.
(laughing)
- We're just hanging out here.
- I know it's like, hey. Yeah. - It's cool.
- My question is, how long is your longest relationship?
- 18 years.
- Wow. - [Anya] Wow.
- I find that when I talk to monogamous people about like
because people are always curious.
I mean, usually they're curious for a reason, but
(laughing)
I'll start talking to them about it
and like a lot of the stuff that we say
aligns, like being honest with my partner
or like how I want to live my life
or how I want to like choose every day to
commit to someone and make that like an active choice
as opposed to like own someone and control someone.
Like a lot of those things in the dating world
like my friends that are monogamous that date around
like all of the same complaints that they have
are the ones that I have as well.
And like the thing, the qualities that they're looking
for in a like for in a partner.
Like we just go about it in a different way.
- Yeah.
- You over here. - Okay.
- I was gonna say the same thing.
- Yeah. - Interesting.
- I think that's, yeah, you might be in the beginning stages
that freshness means that there's
you know, more experimentation. I don't know.
- People think that we're all poly just to
like have sex and that's really not what it's about at all.
Like, it's more about like that
deeper connection with someone else.
- Anyone have any opinions on me?
(laughing)
- So based on everybody here, everybody is really
friendly and open and exciting and easy to be around.
- And I'm less so.
- No, you are. No, no. No, no.
(laughing)
- It's alright. It's alright. No..
(laughing)
No please keep going.
I'm just, I'm just bullying you.
I apologize.
- Based off of this interaction,
I think you should move closer this way.
- Yeah. Okay.
(laughing)
- Damn! - Hey. Yeah.
Banishing you to this side.
- Why am I still here?
(laughing)
- [D'Nayzja] No. Yeah, I think that's right.
That's better.
- That's better? All right. All right.
- Yeah. You're gonna tell us what to do now?
Cool. Cool.
- [Jax-Prince] Chill. Chill.
- Why don't you just tell us where we should go?
How about that?
- I only said one thing.
- How do you deal with the feelings of jealousy?
- I will say that it is a complete myth that
as a polyamorous person, you do not experience jealousy.
That is bull [Censored].
And if you are looking to be in a polyamorous relationship
because you think there is no jealousy
you're lying to your [Censored] self.
- You know the old thing
with the monogamous people talking about breakup sex
- Breakup sex?
- The monogamous community gets mad at each other.
They have a fight now.
Like I'm never, and then they have sex.
I was like, you know, you could just talk
about those feelings, get it riled up, and then do it.
You don't have to break up with each other.
If you don't pipe into that every once in a while,
I feel bad for you.
- Jealousy like teaches me about myself
because I think when I was monogamous,
if I had a jealous feeling
then I would put that on my partner and I would say
you are doing something wrong. - Yeah.
- To make me feel jealous as opposed to now
when I'm like, okay, I'm experiencing jealousy.
Like, what is that?
Am I feeling insecure?
Is there something that's actually going on
in this relationship that I need to talk to them about?
But like, I never put the onus
on the other person for my feelings.
I also think jealousy is hot.
I mean..
- Yeah. See?
Yes. Are you, are you listening?
You can get, you can enjoy this.
Yeah.
- You know, I'm feeling good about moving myself.
(laughing)
- I think we need to swap too.
- Because you moved yourself,
I feel like you have to move again.
- Yeah. Come up here. (laughing)
- Oh, I don't like it up here on the top.
- Is it nice? Hi.
- As somebody who identifies as heterosexual.
(laughing)
There you go.
- I'm sorry. Please continue.
- Please. Yeah. Yeah.
I didn't know I said it wrong.
I apologize.
- No, no, no. You're good.
- Okay. - You said it perfectly.
(laughing)
- It is interesting as being poly, now
that you can see somebody who's attracted to your partner
and who is your gender and who are you are not attracted to
but suddenly feel like, oh, we have a level of intimacy
that I've never had with another friend.
And and the level of discussion I can now have
with that male is
something that most heterosexual men have never experienced.
- Yeah.
- The level of knowledge and empathy that comes out of that
would cure a lot of the heterosexual problems.
- Oh.
- I mean, think about all the violence that's
attached in spousal abuse and relationships of that nature.
It's all based on jealousy and fear and all that stuff.
And if you could just really be open with it.
- See? Yes.
- What a take.
- I love that take.
I love that take.
- Well it's the root of a lot of problems.
- But I never understood
I'm gonna beat this bitch's with my man.
Why? You're going After the wrong person.
- Like you weren't dating her.
- Like I'm not..
- You're gonna move one more.
You're now our anchor.
- Really? - Just for the sake.
(cross talking)
- I was trying tell y'all.
- I've just now been paying attention
for the last 10 minutes. I'm like, what am I doing here?
You are anchor here.
Up here at the top.
- Oh God.
I feel the pressure.
- How do we feel about marriage?
- I feel like marriage is just like a business contract.
Like it doesn't really apply to me.
Like I don't really need to do it.
Is anybody currently married?
- Are you married? (laughing)
- No, I'm laughing because..
- Does that change anything?
- Is that a hickey on your neck?
- Ahhh!
- [Jax-Prince] Who showed up with a hickey?
Oh my god.
- [Jacob] Yeah.
- Yes. Okay.
- I think we need to do some rearranging over here.
- Yeah. Well I think Hickey goes up. I think Hickey moves.
- Okay. How do we feel?
- Wait, - I like it.
- I'm moving.
(laughing)
- I think we're good.
I think we're good.
I think we did some discovery.
(classical music playing)
- [Host] Anya with zero partners.
- That is correct.
There have been individuals who just don't believe me
that aren't in the community themselves, but they think
that I'm saying it because it's cool or trendy.
- [Host] Fifth, we have D'Nayzja with one partner.
- What?
- What have you done? My mind!
- I just need to shut up.
- I hate you so much.
- [Host] In fourth, we have Jacob with two partners.
- Oh wow.
- [Host] In third, we actually have a tie.
Justin also with two partners.
- Oh, okay. Oh wow.
- [Host] Second Mia, three partners.
And in first Jax with five partners.
- Very good. - Woo.
- At least we had one. - Okay.
(intense music playing)
- You're our girlfriend now.
- Yeah, you're our girlfriend. - Yay!
- You now have five partners.
You didn't know that you're actually over..
- Just one giant poly..
Yeah.
- I'm usually in at least two relationships,
so I'm just in one right now.
- All right, so we were close.
- You're close.
- Alright. Alright. So we weren't..
- I'm in two relationships right now.
I've been seeing my boyfriend for about a year
and my other partner for about five.
- My wife and I have been married for
it'll be 13 years or no, 10 years...
10 years next year.
And we've been together for 17.
- That's awesome.
- And about eight years ago, my wife came
out to me as bi and she said,
I've actually had a crush on your college friend.
That's on your Facebook.
Five years ago we DM'd her on Instagram
and we moved her out six months later
to live with us in Los Angeles.
And we've been together ever since.
- Okay. So I practiced solo polyamory and so the way I
define a partner for me is someone that I like continually
keep informed and expect them to do the same to me.
- So for me personally, I have intimate partners
and I have partners that I see as a dominatrix
that I have intimate relationships with.
- [Host] So I have a question.
Outside of your partners,
who has other people that they're dating?
- Like two.
- Like three.
So like, so four.
- I'm not dating anyone else
outside of my current relationships.
- Yeah. I'm not dating anybody
outside my current relationships with my two partners. So
- I'm crying.
(laughing)
- I'm dating like a lot of people, like a lot.
Like I'm going on a date after this.
- I love that for you.
- I date around a lot.
Like I said, I was assigned ho at birth, so that's my story.
- Real.
(upbeat music playing)