everyone knows what it's like to love someone else but what does loving
yourself mean and why is it impossible to be in a healthy relationship without
self-love in this video I explain what self-love is the steps to take that
further develop it and most importantly I explain why it's impossible to be in a
healthy and happy relationship without it so don't go anywhere because we're
starting in four seconds hi everyone I'm dr. Antonio burello welcome to my
channel I'm a psychologist and relationship coach and I make weekly
dating in relationship advice video if you're interested in building great
relationships so you can grow happy with the people you love start now by
clicking the subscribe button and then the bound notification so you aren't
missing anything okay anti self-love most people understand what the word
love means and usually it's an understanding of what it means to love
another person but things get a bit trickier when the question changes to
what is self-love I mean ask yourself seriously ask yourself pause the video
and take a moment to think about what it means what is self-love go ahead I'll
wait
if you like so many people you may have struggled beyond saying it means you
love yourself yes it's a difficult concept to grasp yet self-love is a
popular term that is used now more than ever and that's for good reason
self-love is said to be something that is a prerequisite for a good life and
loving relationships so let's define it and explain why it's so important
psychologists define self-love as a very positive concept involving the practice
of several self enhancing qualities of thinking feeling and acting towards
yourself and more specifically self-love is a process consisting of six distinct
components wherein a person acts as both the self as the doer and the self as the
object in relating to oneself these six components include number one self
attachment or feeling attachment towards yourself physically and mentally number
two self affection or feeling at peace with who and what you are
along with enjoying your own company number three positive self-regard or
unconditionally accepting yourself despite successes failures or your
status number four self-worth or your belief that your life is a valued
possession and trusting in your ability to respond to your needs
number five self knowing the ability to see yourself from the outside to listen
to to know and to understand yourself and number six is self caring behaviors
that are aimed at maintaining your health and personal welfare defining
self love this way still makes it a difficult concept to grasp so I have
some examples of the way a self loving person thinks about and treats
themselves so to simplify things I want you to think about what a healthy
relationship between a parent and a child is like I also want you to picture
yourself in the role of a parent and try to imagine yourself experiencing the
feelings thoughts and actions that are described in these examples so focus on
how a loving parent would feel as they relate to their child for example a good
parent takes pride in their child and gives them a sense of identity and
belonging to a family there are also responsive to their
child's needs for safety and health and happiness and good parents are aware
what is best for their child and try to act in ways that make the child's life
more joyful and satisfying likewise a person who is able to relate to
themselves in this manner is practicing a high level of self attachment parents
are supportive of their children and hold high but realistic expectations of
them after all a good parent wants their child to excel and succeed and when your
child makes mistakes or gets into trouble you don't devalue them or love
them any less instead you help them to understand and learn from their mistakes
through nurturing and support being able to treat yourself in these ways is
practicing positive self-regard and great parents listen to their child's
thoughts and seek to know and understand their feelings they use this knowledge
and understanding to take action with their child's best interests at heart so
now apply this to yourself being able to reflect upon and learn and understand
your thoughts your own feelings and your behaviors is practicing the component of
self knowing and lastly a loving parent is concerned for and dedicated to
maintaining the health welfare and safety of their children they educate
their children on healthy eating and the value of exercise and they teach them to
live a healthy lifestyle they do their best to protect their child physically
and psychologically and they seek immediate care when the child is ill or
in pain and when you place a high priority on taking good care of yourself
you're practicing self-love ok so hopefully you have a better
understanding of what soft love is and you recognize it as a practice that is
psychologically healthy and related to confidence and high self esteem and
taking good care of yourself but self love is also absolutely essential to
developing a healthy relationship because self love ensures that you find
the right partner who loves and respects and cherishes you
oh and that reminds me please hit that thumbs up button to let me know you're
liking this topic so also note to follow it up with similar videos on topics
related to personal growth and healthy relationships ok so how do we cultivate
self-love and use it to develop a great relationship
keep watching because this is the most important stuff see practicing stuff
love in the context of a new intimate relationship is often easier said than
done when we want another person we often do
things that we think will win their affection and in doing so so many times
people engage in behaviors that are anything but self loving the good news
if we commit to becoming our own best friend
we can learn to practice self-love while developing amazingly fulfilling and
loving relationships but it all starts with learning to be your own best friend
and here are the steps to do just that number 1 get to know the real you people
don't become best friends overnight instead they spend alone time together
and cultivate their relationship through honest communication and sharing the
same is true for becoming your own best friend you must spend quiet time getting
to know yourself through self reflection and introspection so make it a priority
every day to spend 10 to 15 minutes in solitude where you simply think about
yourself and your life get yourself a notebook and begin
writing your thoughts and journaling during this time because writing to help
you stay on task and focused only on yourself so write about what you really
like and dislike write about what drives and motivates you and write about your
goals and dreams for the future write as if you were speaking to your future self
and express your thoughts beliefs and feelings about the important things in
your life best friends also plan and share
enjoyable activities with one another becoming your own best friend will
require you to plan and enjoy activities by yourself so number two spend time
doing things alone as you journal develop a list of activities that you
can enjoy doing alone these solo activities can be hobbies such as
exercising or reading and writing or listening to great music or meditating
practising these hobbies will help you appreciate your own company deepen your
understanding of yourself and help you to cultivate self-love
number three practice acceptance and forgiveness best friends really listen
to one another and offer the safety of trust as they share their true
thoughts and feelings they support one another with acceptance and
encouragement but sometimes they have to practice tough love when we need it so
it's important that you can also engage in this type of acceptance and
encouragement for yourself being able to comfort and encourage yourself through
difficult times will require regular practice so practice talking to yourself
as you would talk to your best friend so when you're struggling or upset about a
situation think about the words you would say to your best friend and then
say them to yourself allow yourself to feel supported and accepted number four
take good care of yourself okay so this one is obvious right we all understand
the importance of maintaining our physical and psychological health by
engaging in healthy eating exercising and overall living but taking good care
of yourself also involves reflective thinking and being responsive to your
body and to your feelings as the basis for taking action that is best suited
for you don't forget this one because when you're taking good care of yourself
you're strengthening all six components of self love number five use the best
friend test new relationships can be exhilarating and thrilling and super
exciting when things are going well but they can also be stressful and
unsettling when things just aren't right and this is when loving yourself is
absolutely essential because when you practice self-love you're able to walk
away from people in situations that are not good for you
see rather than standing up for themselves and walking away from
something that will never work many people are willing to go to great
lengths trying to make things right and keep another person in their life when a
person lacks self-love they're willing to accept toxic behaviors while hoping
their partner changes or that they're going to win the affection of their new
partner so they compromise their values and beliefs and try to become what they
think their partner wants of course compromising your values and beliefs is
far from healthy or self loving so what do you do
how does self love protect you from bad relationships
well when entering a new relationship practicing self-love may require you to
look at life through the lens of being your own
best friend doing so means that you take the time to honestly reflect on your
situation as you would if your best friend were sharing their story with you
remember in good times and in bad times a best friend simply wants what's best
for us without a hidden agenda so when things are going well a best
friend is there to share in your happiness but they also stand by you
through tough times and challenges and if someone is treating you badly or
taking advantage of you your best friend is there to stand up
for your rights and this is how you use the best friend test as you begin dating
a new person you're likely to be confronted by unforeseen situations that
make you feel uneasy and when you are unsure of how to respond to these
situations you can use the best friend test to help you make a decision the
best friend test is a simple litmus test where you imagine how you would support
a best friend in the same situation so think about your best friend and imagine
that they're struggling and stuck in the same situation that you're faced with
what would you say to them how would you advise and support them then say these
things to yourself and act on the situation and fight the urge to use
self-justification or to ignore what your best friend would advise make the
decision and then act on it using this test along with the promise to act as
your own best friend will drastically reduce the possibility of entering into
an unhealthy relationship or situation your new perspective will foster a new
awareness of your relationship with yourself and make it possible to
recognize the things that are undermining your well-being and
happiness and success in all aspects of your life
number six don't ignore your best friend's advice we've all been there
hearing that little voice in our head telling us that something just isn't
right but choosing to ignore it in favor of what we want
it's the D word it's denial our brains use self-justification and
self-deception to manipulate our thoughts and behaviors to explain defend
and protect us from recognizing unacceptable truths and when we blind
ourselves to our true motivations and feelings we are unwittingly sabotaging
our own efforts at happiness and satisfying relationships don't let it
happen to you listen to what your best friend would tell you make the decision
and then act on it period practicing self-love can be challenging especially
in times when we're feeling hurt and facing difficult decisions but by
implementing these six tips you're strengthening your love for yourself and
your ability to recognize the things that are undermining your well-being and
happiness use them you'll thank yourself later
look I know there have been many times in my life when I knew what I should do
but I chose to do something else despite knowing that it would be that
I'd be hurting myself in the long run it happens to all of us I can think of a
few right now and I know exactly what I told myself to justify my actions have
you ever been in a situation or a relationship that you knew was bad but
you chose to continue despite knowing why did you do it I'd love to hear your
story so please leave a comment and I promise to respond oh and if you're
interested in another video on knowing that you're in a great relationship
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