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Thank you very much
Oh okay. Tell me about the first time we met?
Like means like we met right yeah okay.
So you were late. You were late with this other girl called _______
And we were all waiting for you at the hotel lobby and when you walked in, I remember telling this to somebody
I was like "oh my god like she looks so b*tchy"
You've never told me this
First impression okay
I didn't know you had said it someone
I just thought you like kind of thought it
Yeah that. And guess who I told like this to?
I was telling ______ about this. I was like "oh my god I can't believe I'm rooming with Aqilah"
And then turns out,
And then turns out, I don't like ______ now. Ohh sh*t I wasn't supposed to say this
Okay well anyways
There are so many _____s out there in the world so yeah.
If you could change one thing about me what would it be and why?
One thing, I wouldn't change a thing about you. Stop it
Don't say that. Okay anyway
No I don't know. I feel like if anything was different about you,
We wouldn't be friends right?
Yeah
Damn really? Ouchh
Right?
Yeah I guess there's nothing to change. I like it the way it is.
Yeah
That was fast.
No but we took so much time on the first one. Anyways
What do you think is my greatest accomplishment that I fail to recognize?
Wow okay this is gonna be a bit hard cuz I've only known you for like months right
I remember you mentioned this where you have like eating thingy
Yeah you can say like its fine
I can say it? okay
like you have an eating disorder. I know we did, we haven't really talked about it much
but like I remember you told me about this when we were shopping for clothes
Ohh yeah
right, the first day where we got to shop for clothes in India and then yeah you were like
"oh do you know I used to have eating disorders?" I was like "oh okay"
I mean I would never think that you had eating disorder because of your personality or
the way you talk or you know the way you are so I think but so from then I mean
that phase where you were till now I think it's an accomplishment by itself
yeah yeah that you don't really have that anymore, and
yeah
You are like, confident and you're doing things and like yeah
Confident? hmm
You are confident babe
I'm just
You are. I think you are confident it's just that yeah
That's good
Yeah, so just stop saying that you're not confident.
Stop it!
Yeah I guess like, yeah I'll be saying something and in my mind I'm like
Okay well why do second-guess yourself?
I have no idea. I just feel like what am I talking about?
But I mean like you I mean the things that you say are very smart
I over-analyze everything I think
Okay so you think too much?
Yeah yeah
okay
And you know how like,
I'm just naturally structured like
okay
like you know my body shape is not like the ideal like
okay we have the Indian hips
We have the Indian hips and you know everything else that comes with it. Okay so I think after JC
okay
and I was like we we're moving house and everything so I felt like this like
big sense of like I lost purpose
okay
yeah and and I found it through like controlling my food
or like working out like insanely and like losing weight
It's just something that's a constantly on your mind like your entire day just
thinks about like "what am I gonna eat like? should I be putting this in my mouth?"
like how I can't go out with this person because then she wants to
she would want to eat this
and you won't want to
Yeah. That kind of thing
okay
And then for a large period like I think the whole like first two years of uni
I was going through it and I eventually spiralled like so bad
because you isolate yourself so like all the things that I wanted to do,
I couldn't because I got really anxious and my like it affects like
how you perceive yourself like you know like as if it's never good enough and even at my lightest,
I wasn't happy yeah and it took me so long to get out of it.
Do you think the pressure came from somewhere else? Like I don't know
Yeah I always maybe it was, I don't know. I think maybe it's fair to say that the pressures were like me
Like within
Yeah. Nobody really told me like "hey, lose weight" like you know
Oh my god, I get that all the time
Yeah I know, you and your mom
I mean okay, I didn't have a eating disorder but like
it was more of like I got used to it
Yeah which is bad like
I got used to it, but the thing is
That's body shaming
I got used to it and then I made it a point
to like so when people see me the first thing they see me for is not like
that I'm like fat you know?
Yeah
they see me for like okay "You're loud" like for example.
You know like now I one is like "oh yeah Kami's loud, Kami's talkative"
or like whatever but it's it's not like the first thing that they think of is like
"Kami's fat" yeah so so I think that's what I worked with
I mean you know right, my mom still okay my mom still calls me and she's like
Oh your mom though
She texts me
I wonder how you are so like confident in your body and like it's just like when yeah cuz your mom is just like
straight up "Don't eat"
Yeah she texts me like - fat where are you? fat what time are you coming back?
and I'm just like "okay mom"
And you know what's the best thing, she feeds me
She's always like, "Eat. Come here have you eaten? Eat"
And then next minute "fat where are you?" I'm just like "mom"
"Make your mind up"
You don't make sense. So yeah
Yeah. I think like, having people watch what you eat like, they wouldn't tell me to lose weight
but like if i was losing too much weight they would point it out and when you're having it an eating disorder
you kind of don't want people to notice it so like every time you'll be like
"oh stop stop starving yourself" and I'm like "I'm not" so I'll eat and then after that
like I'd feel stressed because like yeah
So like the Aqilah that you see now, that is doing stuff, doing shit
like is so different from like the person you'd probably meet two years ago
But that's good like at least you're in a better place
Yeah
You're never gonna get a disorder again
Yeah with you in my life like
Yeah, never
But somehow it just happens that you'll text me like when I'm feeling, about to you know have the like
"Aqilah reply me now"
Yeah
I know, I know what you're thinking
You always do it
You're like, "reply the person come on"
Yeah
Yeah but no sometimes it's because I also like go into my own world, so like I'm either like you know writing
or like in a random cafe drinking coffee and reading a book unaware
That's okay I mean like, its fine
Yeah yeah
I like it I have a lot of me-time
Yeah that's also because I'm single
This is so exciting
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