Mark: How do you handle awkwardness when you slept with your coworker and what happens
if you've given the guy the wrong impression? Welcome to Ask Mark. It's week number 60.
Six zero and we are here from beautiful New York. It's such an amazing city and it's a
pleasure to be here. Let us know if you recognize the diner, I'd love to hear there's a few
of you who might recognize it. I'm curious. Hey, we've got some great questions this week.
I've got Jermia here with me helping me answer. She is in the Facebook group along with my
master coach, Brett, Alice and myself. We're answering questions in there all the times
and make sure you're part of that group. Go join it right now. Link in description and
let's get started. The first question is a good one and it is from anonymous actually.
Mark: And this one is Hi Mark. I absolutely love all your videos and advice, you're a
lifesaver to all the broken hearts out there. Thank you so much, anonymous. I really appreciate
that. She says, I started seeing a coworker of mine four months ago. The relationship
progressed very slowly as we both knew that our office environment would not approve.
The sexual tension and chemistry was insane. And therefore the sex was amazing. After the
sex, he was the most loving, gentle, cuddling, holding, all the nice stuff. Nothing like
I ever had before. After a few times, I scrambled the courage to ask if he's sleeping with more
girls and he replied yes, two more casual encounters. At, uh, at that point I was crushed
and basically told him that I don't want to be on rotation. He's never spoken to me since
he's been on full ignore for 30 days now. And it's rather awkward and hurtful. My questions
are, why is he ignoring me? Is he hurt or just doesn't care? And should I reach out
and say something?
Jermia: First, let's give credit where it's due in the fact that this guy actually did
tell you the truth. So we need to, you know, give them a bit of respect to that cause it
is, you know, tricky for some guys to do to you know, just don't tell the truth. So, you
know, kudos for that.
Mark: He was honest here and when men are honest with you, you want to make sure you
thank them because even in situations like this where it might hurt if you go off the
off the blaah at him, right? Yelling or screaming or reacting really badly, what's he likely
to do the next time that situation presents? Yeah, he probably just going to go, I know
this, I'll just, got me burned. I'll just lie this time, so make sure if men are honest
with you in these situations, even if it's not what you want to hear, you still say disappointed,
but thanks for being honest. Yeah, so on to the questions,
Jermia: Yeah, with this is why always assume when you are seeing someone casually that
it is casually, you can't just assume exclusivity with things like this. Never you need to have
the conversation first before you go, Oh cool. Like you know.
Mark: If that bothers you.
Jermia: Yeah, exactly. But most of the time if you're going to get into a casual situation,
then that's because you know that's what you want to do. You don't want to use casual sex
as a way to get to a relationship like you do it because you have fun.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah. I mean sometimes these things are going to happen and you won't have had
a chance to have this conversation first, whatever. You might meet him in different
circumstances to her, but if that does, you've always got to assume that person is sleeping
with other people.
Jermia: Okay.
Mark: If you're not okay with that. Have the exclusivity conversation first. Right. Now
in terms of why is he ignoring me?
Jermia: Yeah.
Mark: Do you want to handle this?
Jermia: You have mentioned in your question that you know the work relationship could
be, or the work environment, sorry, would be really awkward and uncomfortable if people
found out. So my guess with this one is that he is keeping his distance because it's supposed
to have never had happened and he doesn't want everyone else in the office to know.
So that's why he's really drawn back. He's kind of pretending that the situation has happened.
Mark: Yeah, he's putting his head in the sand. You said is he hurt or just doesn't care?
I don't think it's actually either of the two. I think he's just in self defense mode
protecting his job. Yeah. In terms of what to do next or should you reach out? I actually
would, I actually would in this situation, I don't think it's appropriate to do so at
work. But give him a call. If not, you can leave it. If he doesn't pick up, you can leave
a voicemail. You basically say, Hey look, I know there's a bit of a misunderstanding
previously, but I really want to clear the air. Like I don't want us to be weird at work.
I want us to just to be cool and I don't want people to notice. You want things to be great at
work as well. Can we have a chat so that we can just put water under the bridge to clear
the air?
Jermia: Yeah. Perfect. Perfectly said.
Mark: Anything to add?
Jermia: Nope.
Mark: Nope. Beautiful. Second question is from, who have we got here? No, we'll do Olivia's
last. We've got uh Radna, Randa, sorry. And Randa says, well, I told him that I don't
like him, but I, I really do like him.
Jermia: I told him that because he noticed that I do, and I wanted him to make the first
move, so he's not as close now. What should I do?
Go back in time. Don't play games. This
is why you don't play games.
Mark: This is what happens when you play games. You get men who think you're disinterested
or men who play games back.
Jermia: Yes, it's not gonna work.
Mark: You are what you attract, right? If you tell men, you're not, tell men you are
interested, that you're not interested in them. You'll get men who through their both
their words and actions tell you they're not interested in you when they really are. And
it'll be a big dumb game that you both hate.
Jermia: Yes. Instead of just being with each other because you're silly, so at this point,
what are you going to do? Give him a call and you're gonna say, Hey, are you free whatever
night, do you want to go out for a drink? Or
Mark: I would love to see you.
Jermia: Yeah. Do you want to get a coffee together?
Mark: That's it.
Jermia: You're going to make the first step cause it's not that scary. You've already
played the games. Quit playing the games. Just get real.
Mark: Nice. Third question. Let's, phew after we vented that. Let's get onto Olivia. Olivia
says there's a guy who's chasing me and we text every day. Last week, I had a really
bad mood for a couple of days and so those two days I rarely replied to him cause I just
thought, well no one likes to hear complains, complaints. But after that I go back to normal
text him again. Uh, but I found I couldn't see his comments in the following section
on Instagram. His Instagram is open so I can still see all his posts. My friend told me
that I can't see his comments because he blocks me. Huh that bastard. He still texts me every
day. Uh, but I can tell he is losing interest. We will meet up on Sunday along with other
friends. Should I ask why he blocked me or just pretend nothing happened? Is he blocked
me because he's getting interested in other girls? Does he think I was playing hard to
get and is upset with me? I didn't try to play hard to get, we actually did some research.
Some Instagram research.
Jermia: Yeah. Because we weren't sure about this and that didn't quite add up to me. I
don't think that he actually blocked you.
Mark: I believe your friend is wrong from all our research, you shouldn't be able to
see his posts if he has blocked you. The profile yes, but not the posts.
Jermia: Yeah. So that should be all good. So there's a pretty high chance that he hasn't
actually blocked you.
Mark: I don't think he's blocked you as you say though, it does sound like he's been pulling
away. So you're meeting up with this weekend in a group format. Jermia you want to take
this one?
Jermia: Yeah. Um, gauge how he is in the group setting. So if he is like kind of weird
and standoffish and stuff just, you know, take him aside and be like, Hey, um, I know
that kind of, I was for a little while and just like apologize for the whole situation
and just like let him know. But in future if you're going to be pulling away for a couple
of days, cause if you're interested in him as well then just let him know. He's not going
to be like, no, talk to me. Tell me now. Just if he likes you as well and he's a good guy,
he'll respect that and be like, okay cool. Like I'll give you the space, you know, do
you, whenever you want to talk to me, come talk to me, which is good.
Mark: Yeah, I would, I would say it either way. When you're out at this, at this group
event, I'd say Hey. Just FYI. Sorry, I was the useless getting back to you for a couple
of days out. I was feeling really off, like I was just bad with everyone. So just, just
wanting to let you know if he's still real standoffish after that, you know, you've said
your piece, he can go do his thing. If he's the other way, if he's real friendly and actually
into it, then you can just go back to being normal humans together and chatting like normal.
Yeah. Um, in future. The last thing I'd say is make sure if you are going AWOL for a couple
of days and you like the guy, let him know, Hey, just FYI, you're not going to hear from
me from a little bit. I just got some things to sort.
Jermia: Yeah, no one's going to react badly to that because, because they know and everyone
has bad days and they have off times and they need space to themselves. So the right people
are going to respect you for that and they're going to love that you let them know despite
it.
Mark: Yes. So communication is good.
Jermia: Keep it open,
Mark: keep it open. Well, thank you for joining me today.
Jermia: My pleasure.
Mark: Live from beautiful New York. Jermia is in the Facebook group. You can join her
and my master coaches and myself in there and get personalized advice. Hit the link
in the description to make sure you're a part of that and also don't forget to hit that
like button and the big red subscribe button.
Jermia: with the little bell.
Mark: So you get all the notifications. Thank you for joining me in beautiful New York this
week.
Jermia: My pleasure loving it.
Mark: Loving it too. Thank you. And we'll see you next week.
Jermia: Bye!
Mark: Hit the link in the description as well for the, I don't know,
Jermia: something really good. Message him or just talk to him. Give him a call. Say
Hey, like.
Mark: she's me, she's meeting up. So she could talk to him in person.
Jermia: Okay, well then do that. Just give him a call when you're in a group, it's
your food.
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