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- [Lily] Hey, Psych2Goers, welcome back to another video.
Have you ever wondered whether you're being manipulative?
A study on non-Machiavellian manipulation suggests
that in order for manipulation to occur,
there needs to be a combination of intent and recklessness.
Essentially, it's to strategically get someone to do
or think something without addressing it directly.
What is interesting is that sometimes
you can be unintentionally manipulative.
This means that you're not aware
of how you're influencing someone else's behavior.
So, to show you
what unintentional manipulation may look like,
or how you might come across it, here are five signs
that you may be unintentionally manipulative.
Number one, saying that you'll do everything yourself.
Do you purposefully take on more responsibility
than you're able to handle?
While saying that you'll do things on your own
may sound like you're being independent,
it can also be a method of casting yourself as a martyr
to induce guilt into others.
For example, announcing that you'll go
and clean the bathroom even though you've cleaned the rest
of the house may be a way for you to imply
that no one in the house cares enough about you to help.
This may end up making others feel guilty
even though they were not aware that you needed
or wanted any help at all.
This is why it's important to think about
whether what you're saying is fair and reasonable,
and whether you can be more straightforward
about your needs.
Number two, you make promises a lot.
Have you ever promised someone to treat them to a meal
at their favorite restaurant in return for a favor,
but then don't follow through?
Whether it's agreeing to attend
your brother's birthday party
or assuring a friend you'll go with them
to their doctor's appointment,
over-promising is another behavior
that New York-based therapist Irina Firstein identifies
as manipulative.
When you make a promise to someone
and don't uphold your end of the deal,
this can leave the other person feeling deceived,
angry, and less likely to trust you again in the future.
Number three, you give somebody the silent treatment.
Did you know that saying nothing
can be emotionally coercive as well?
Oftentimes you may feel like the best option
during an argument is to say nothing at all.
The irony is that this behavior often comes
from a place of hurt.
New York-based psychotherapist Rebecca Hendrix
says people are unknowingly manipulative
when they use silence as a weapon.
It's an ineffective way of dealing with the hurt.
Rather than becoming radio silent,
a more effective solution may be to try to communicate
to the other person how you feel,
and allow them to explain their behavior.
This can potentially avoid resentments in the future.
Number four, you have distinct patterns in your language.
Do you exaggerate how you feel sometimes
to get others to sympathize with you?
Psychotherapist Jennifer Silvershein says
that you can often see a pattern in those
who are being unintentionally manipulative.
An example of this may be when you're not feeling well.
You may describe it as the worst illness in the whole world,
despite it not being completely realistic or true.
The use of catastrophic language
and exaggeration can come across as manipulative,
especially if you're expecting others to respond to you
in a certain way, such as to become sympathetic
to what you're going through.
And number five, you find yourself embellishing
or twisting the facts of a situation.
Psychotherapist Jennifer Silvershein stated
that unintentional manipulation can show up
in exaggerating the facts.
An example of this may be
that you have an early morning appointment
at the hospital at nine in the morning,
but may say to other people that you have an appointment
at 7:30 in the morning,
because technically that is the time you have to get up
in order to get to the appointment on time.
This can evoke empathy from others
which may make you feel better about your situation.
Do you relate to any of these signs?
If so, this may be the first step in learning to be aware
and mindful of how you affect other people.
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The references and studies used in this video
are added in the description below.
Thanks for watching, and we'll see you in our next video.