I'm an ex-convict and I've been struggling with drugs for 16 years
before coming to a stop just in the recent years.
When I just stepped back into society, I think...
My real struggle is what I'm going to do.
How I'm going to take care of my mother.
My real concern is what I'm going to be working as, because...
For the past ten over years, I haven't been working.
Then I don't have an education.
I don't have any skills.
So, yeah.
(I'm) quite lost in my direction.
I sort of can
empathize and understand what you're going through
because I myself...
am an ex-convict.
And I do face the struggles that you face.
Because when I just came out, I was working
food delivery.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
You know, I don't have an aim.
I don't have a purpose.
Then due to my addiction, I have failed marriages.
I failed twice.
And...
I never held on to a job for more than one month.
So I rather not be working because I know I'm not going to do this for long.
I mean, why not just not do it?
I always give up.
So when I came out, I was very afraid that I will give up again, but...
Thank god I didn't this time.
I just continued to persevere and just
work and slowly figure things out.
So what is your aim now?
Now, I just want to work
and build a family with my current partner.
Because like I said, I failed twice in marriage due to my drug addiction.
Then I know this time, I cannot fail anymore.
In my past marriage, I had children.
But I never managed to do my role as a father to them.
This time when I want to build my family
I really want to do my role well.
Even as a husband, as a father.
But the first thing that I wanna do is...
I wanna do my role as a son towards my mother.
I mean, a dream will always remain a dream
unless you take steps into fulfilling that dream.
So steps must be taken.
Steps must be planned.
And then once you have that plan, you go forward and do that plan regardless
of what you face, what obstacles or what challenges that comes in your life.
Other than just simply working, right.
I also want to set time apart
to do what God has given me.
Like my calling.
I'm not only able to reach out to the people
who have been struggling with drugs
but also to their family.
I also want to set time apart just for my family.
I guess, for me, my encouragement to you is...
If you really desire a change, be brave enough to step out of your comfort zone.
Because if you don't...
I can only say one thing.
History will repeat itself again.
You know, when I was struggling in life.
I always tell myself
"I want to change for my mother"
"I want to change for my children"
But I forget that
I first need to start living for myself.
So, when I was in prison, right.
(During) my last sentence, I've...
encountered many people.
The person reached out to me saying
"I need help, I need your advice"
Things like that.
"I've been struggling with this"
"I've been struggling with that"
Then also their family.
Then I start to feel that...
In my life, I can...
I can reach out to people.
Always remember.
You are the beacon of light, the beacon of hope.
All right.
Don't discount the fact of how important you are
to people who feel that there's no hope left.
Hope can be the last strand of energy that someone clings on to when
there's absolutely nothing nothing left in that person's life.
About two years.
Two years plus.
Do you think it's easy?
I think it was very difficult at the start.
Because when I was 16 years old,
I mean, I've been taking drugs all the way already.
Things cannot change if we never do anything (to change it).
So I went to a halfway house.
I just walked in.
(Similar) to many people at first, I was also unwilling to sacrifice the freedom.
I walked into halfway house, then...
things started to change.
Personally, I have served..
All in all, 20 years.
Like you, I had a drug problem.
But my 20 years is not all (in) one shot.
It's a few times I went in.
Like you, I also faced a lot of struggles.
You said the first two years when you came out.
It was very difficult.
I've been out (for) six years already,
and I tell you, it is still difficult for me.
In the first two years
I've had constant nightmares.
Nightmares of me taking drugs.
Nightmares of me getting caught by the police again.
And you know how dreams are?
Dreams are so real, you know.
You suddenly just jump out of bed and your heart is pounding, racing...
A hundred miles per hour?
And then suddenly you realise
"Oh, I'm safe"
"I'm in my room"
You said that you desire change.
Even before I came out, I told myself I have to.
I have to change because if I don't, history will repeat itself again.
So even in prison, I thought to myself.
What steps must I take to ensure that my goal is met?
That was when I decided that
in order to effect that change,
I have to cut of ties with all my things.
Okay, so who do you want to change for?
I also shared with my girlfriend.
I said "Eh, I want to play (with) TikTok"
"I want to play (with) social media"
The most common ones are things like
"Eh, you know..."
"A drug addict will always be a drug addict, you cannot change."
"An ex-convict is always an ex-convict."
Ever since I started social media
I'm prepared for all these negative and hate comments.
The only way to react to these
is to not react at all.
So I don't reply to hate comments and negative comments at all.
It's very good that you are prepared for all this.
Because they are going to come.
More is going to come your way.
I'm very blessed all along.
My mother never gave up on me.
For somebody that is taking care of me every single day
I think 16 years is a very very long, torturous (number of) years.
Last time I said "Mommy, why you never give up on me?"
"You know I'm really so jialat (bad) ah"
She said "I know you're not like that"
Because she took care of me since I was young
before I started to take drugs.
So she understands my character, she knows me.
She said I'm not like that.
"I think it's all these drugs, because of all these drugs."
So she has been supporting me.
You know, she never missed every prison visit.
Even when I was at the halfway house.
Every week, she will cook for me.
She will bring (food) down for me.
Other than that, I still have a few very close friends
who were drug addicts before.
They never gave up on me too.
They kept on motivating me and stuff like this.
I remember the last few relapses,
my friend will talk to me
(for) the whole day and talk to me for hours.
Somebody that never takes drugs
wants to entertain somebody that is still taking drugs.
My friend kept on supporting me.
Then right now I'm receiving a lot of support from the public.
A lot of encouragement.
If you were to ask me, "Eh so, you still got temptation?"
I'll tell you honestly, there were a few times
that I got very strong temptation
Then I remembered all this encouragement from my social media.
I really remember them and played it in my mind.
"I cannot disappoint so many people."
All these supports are very very useful.
Honestly, I helped me a lot.
You know, (the) first time I went to prison,
I guess my mom
hoped that my
stint in prison would scare me, wake me up.
The first day I came out,
I called a taxi and I went to take heroin first before I went back home.
So when I reached home, I was high.
My mum could tell that I was high.
When she opened the door
I still can remember that disappointment on her face
(When) the door opened, she was very happy.
And then when she looked at my face
you can just see the whole face change.
"Why did he do it again?"
So things like this, I...
I don't want to forget.
I want to remember it over and over and over again.
Because it's things like this that will keep me...
keep me on the straight and narrow (path).
I need to ask you this.
I think other than being a support
to people who are struggling,
there are people contacting me (to) say
"Eh."
"Can you help me share my story?"
You know I don't discourage.
I totally encourage anybody to step forward to share their story.
But they need to understand (that)
there is a huge responsibility to shoulder on.
Because once you come out
and share your story, right.
You carry that weight and responsibility.
What I hope to achieve and see is that
in the next few months onwards, I will be able to really take good care of my mother.
With not just financial support, but also I want to spend my free time with her.
So, brother, how about you?
I'm also very curious.
What do you hope to see
(in the) coming future or what are you looking towards?
Like you, I want something very simple.
I want to live.
I've been out six years and
I get to experience a lot of things.
A lot of...
Normal life that I've never experienced before.
And honestly, I like it.
I like it a lot.
So what I want to do is to experience
and live life a bit.
Okay, I just want to thank (you), brother.
For giving me the...
reminders and advice.
Then this chat also really
got me reminded about certain things
like what this brother has shared.
There are things that we don't want to forget.
We want to be constantly reminding ourselves.
Even though it might not be a very happy past
there are still things that we can bring up.
I just want to share to the youngsters.
Last time, I always procrastinate.
On a lot of things.
I always tell myself "I'm only 18 years old".
"I still have time."
Let's say you have a dream.
A positive one.
You set your goals like what this brother has shared.
(You) have to work towards your dreams.
You have to work towards your target.
I really learned a lot through my procrastination.
And I also paid a lot through my procrastination.
I think we need to really work hard from young.
Yeah, and always be positive.
So for myself, I want to thank you for your candor.
Thank you for being so open about your struggles.
And to the public
I just want to say this.
Always remember about the cat.
Curiosity and how the cat died.
Right?
There are some lines in life you cannot cross.
Because once you cross, you are screwed.
So drugs is one of them.
Don't dabble in things that you don't know of.
And which will screw up your life.
So drugs is one thing.
Don't try. If you have not tried it, don't.
We, ex-offenders, are...
We are humans too.
And you know what?
If you're willing to give us a chance,
I'm telling you,
you will discover that we are one of the most
hard-working and loyal people you will ever meet.