- Crime doesn't pay.
- Except when it does.
- Let's talk about that.
(alarm rings) (playful theme music)
(fire blasts)
- Good Mythical Morning!
- Today's episode is all about stealing
and if there's one person who knows a thing or two
about that, it's the lady who always steals the show.
Please welcome one of the stars of Good Girls on NBC, Retta.
Woo woo! - Yay!
(crew applauding)
- Now Retta, I have been very excited
about having you on the show because, you know, Retta.
- Yes, right.
I get it. - Rhett, Retta.
- Rhett, Retta, Rhett, Retta, copy.
- Yeah. (laughs)
- Is that what you were hoping for, what just happened?
- Yes.
More can happen later but right now it's just Rhett--
- [Rhett And Retta] And Retta.
- Rhett and Retta. - Rhett and Retta.
- Now in Good Girls, Retta plays a suburban mom
who pulls off a supermarket heist,
but there are people out there who have heisted things
much weirder than a grocery store
and we're about to play a game about them.
- It's time for Can Link and Retta Guess
These Stolen Things Equivalent Cheddah?
That'll all make sense. - The equivalent cheddah--
(Retta laughs) Of the things, okay.
I got it.
- Basically what I'm gonna be doing is I'm going to be
telling you about a very weird thing that was stolen
and then using your white boards,
you are going to be guessing the value of said stolen thing.
Whoever comes closest gets a point.
It's not whoever comes closest without going over,
it's just whoever comes closest, okay?
- Mhm, okay. - And in the end,
the winner with the most right gets to have whatever is in
the mystery box or a dollar.
- How good are you at prices?
- Not very, but--
- Great, me neither.
- I am very competitive so I'm really gonna
put my heart into it.
- All right. - Well that makes one of us.
- Retta, I'm pulling for you.
- Thanks.
- Well I'm pulling for me.
- All right, here's the first one.
We're not in Kansas anymore, we're at a museum in Minnesota
where the iconic red ruby slippers worn by
Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz were stolen
13 years ago but thanks to an FBI sting operation,
the shoes were finally recovered and brought back
to their rightful home.
According to a 2005 insurance policy,
how much were these shoes worth?
- Oh man. - The original--
- 13 years ago, not today. - 13 years ago, yes.
You know about the time value of money.
- You know what I'm saying.
(Rhett chuckles)
- Okay. - Okay, you guys ready?
- Mhm.
- Retta, why don't you reveal your answer?
- I said $350,000. - Good gosh.
- Okay. - That's a lot of money
for some slippers.
They're not real rubies!
- No but they're-- - They're just ruby-colored.
- From The Wizard of Oz. - I know where they're from!
(Retta laughs)
I'm saying $72,100.
- The correct answer is $1 million!
- I was gonna say, I was gonna say a million.
- Yes, $350,000's a lot closer to one million.
- (chuckling) One for me!
- Sadly the shoes made out of Toto are only $39.99.
(Link and Retta chuckle)
- Well shoot, man. - Ha ha, all right!
You've heard of Shark Week but have you heard
of shark swipe?
In July of this year, the San Antonio Aquarium,
one of my favorite places, 38 year old Anton Shannon
stole a small gray horn shark named Miss Helen.
Police said Anton snatched Miss Helen from her tank,
wrapped her in a blanket, and pushed her out of
the aquarium in a baby carriage.
He was caught and is facing felony charges.
How much is Miss Helen worth?
- Anton, what's Anton gonna, release it into the wild?
What was the motive?
- They believe that he was taking it
for his own aquarium at home.
- He's got a big enough tank?
- Yep, I guess so.
- Got a big enough baby carriage.
(chuckling)
- Huh, San Antonio.
- [Link] I have no point of reference.
- (laughs) I like the way you think.
San Antonio, I'm gonna move--
- I don't know the worth of a shark in San Antonio.
(Rhett and Link laugh)
- I'm moving it down just a little bit.
All right Link, why don't you go first on this one?
- $140,000. (Rhett laughs)
It's a little shark.
It's not even full-grown, right?
- He's got diamonds stuck in his gills.
- Oh this is big?
- Well, let's see, Retta?
- $22,000.
- Okay. - A shark is, I mean,
a zoo shark is-- - Oh a zoo shark.
- A zoo shark.
- Oh I should have specified zoo shark.
- It's a famous shark. - The answer is $3,000.
Miss Helen is not that expensive,
but we actually do have security camera video
from the heist.
See, it was--
- [Retta] Oh my God, it was like the cheapest--
- [Rhett] It's like the children's aquarium.
Look.
- [Link] Oh my gosh.
Look at that jerk.
- Miss Helen, she's a little shark.
She's a $3,000 shark.
- You know what, Helen, to me, you're a $140,000 shark.
I suck at this.
- Yeah that was actually the only shark
in the San Antonio Aquarium.
Now it's just a frosty machine and two goldfish.
San Antonio, a Texas man, we're still in Texas,
was sentenced to 50 years in prison after he got caught
stealing mass quantities of fajitas.
Gilberto Escamilla worked at a juvenile detention center
and over the course of nine years,
continually placed orders for fajitas--
- Stop it. - Using county funds
and then sold them for his own profit.
He had a fajita business.
How many dollars worth of fajitas did he steal
to earn 50 years in the slammer?
- (gasps) 50 years?
- 50 years.
- Oh gosh. - Yes.
- That's a lot of fajitas.
(Rhett chuckles)
- You haven't put an answer and I was gonna copy it.
(Retta laughs)
- I don't know, 50 years.
- 50 years worth of fajitas.
- And nine years of doing this.
- I'm stressed about this one.
This was very unsettling.
- Yeah, right.
- The 50 years is really messing with me.
- Okay, are we ready?
- Okay.
- You're competing against me, I wouldn't get too stressed.
(laughs)
- Okay, Retta, let's see your answer.
- I mean, it should be no less than
this amount for 50 years.
- You're being conservative?
- $220,000.
- Oh you know what, I'm close, I said $300,000.
And I did some math here which has nothing to do with this.
(Retta chuckles)
I thought I was gonna do math and I was like, screw it.
- 52 weeks, where's the number coming from?
(Retta chuckles)
- I don't even wanna talk about it.
- Well Link you know what, you're right because--
- Yes! - It's $1.2 million worth
of fajitas. - Fajitas?
- We were both off on that one.
- See I'm just picturing like he stole like three a day.
It was more than that. - I think this was like
bulk quantity. - Okay.
- I did three a week and then I was--
- There you go, that's where the math comes in.
And he actually has to do five years extra for guac.
- (chuckles) It's always, guac is always extra.
- Taking shots of cheap vodka is bad,
but taking bottles of expensive vodka, that's worst.
Russian car company Russo-Baltique
created a vodka that was stored in a bottle
made out of 6.6 pounds of gold as well as bullet-proof glass
that is 30 centimeters thick,
and has a diamond-encrusted cap.
Here's the photo of the bottle of vodka.
- [Link] That is quite a bottle.
- [Retta] Okay.
- Now this was stolen from the storage room
of a Copenhagen bar where it was being held.
How much was it worth?
- This looks like one of my four bed posts at home.
(chuckles)
If you were to visit my bedroom you'd see--
- Your gold post-- - Four of these, yes.
- Gold and bullet--
- So it was protected with bullet-proof glass,
but it's basically 6.6 pounds of gold and then
the diamond-encrusted cap.
- Oh, diamonds.
- Mhm, so we're talking 6.6 pounds of gold.
That's a lot of gold in this vodka.
- Oh.
(Rhett and Retta chuckle)
That's the most important part.
No idea.
- Okay, Link, let's see yours first.
- I got this.
$1.4 million.
- Stop it.
- Okay, Retta?
- This isn't that much to me, $48,000.
- (chuckles) We're frequently on different wavelengths,
you and I.
- Well Link, you're on the right one right now, buddy,
'cause it's $1.3 million!
- What? - Yes!
Don't call it a comeback.
I've been here for years!
- Okay and we actually have security camera footage
of this guy stealing this.
This is the storage room, he's searching around for it.
And he spotted it. - Oh there it is.
- [Retta] Is this in bullet-proof, okay,
it's in bullet-proof glass, but they didn't lock it?
- [Link] Yeah (chuckles).
- That part's confusing to me because I think it was
in bullet-proof glass at some point but then when it got
bought by this bar, they just put it
with all their other vodka.
They deserved it!
- Yeah, I love how the moment he spotted it,
he got a pep in his step.
- He violated the cardinal rule of stealing things.
Don't act like you're stealing things.
Just walk out like-- - Casually.
- You meant to be there. - Like you're taking a shark
from San Antonio.
- First of all, those chairs look like
the chairs of my first apartment.
I don't know how they could even afford that bottle
in that place.
- Right, but you gotta allocate your budget somehow.
- That's right, okay, you guys are tied.
Here we go, way back in March of 1990,
El Pollo Loco celebrated the opening of a new franchise
in Sherman Oaks-- - In the Shoaks!
- Former home of Good Mythical Morning and me.
- Me too.
- Hold on, you guys both lived in the Oaks?
- I live in the Shoaks currently.
- Oh.
- I used to get your mail all the time.
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
(chuckles)
They installed a 20 foot inflatable rubber chicken
in front of the restaurant.
Two weeks later, the rubber chicken was stolen.
Manager, Joe Masiello, came up with a brilliant plan
to get the chicken back.
He offered chicken combo meals as a reward.
How many chicken combo meals were offered
as a reward for this giant inflatable chicken?
- You doing math again?
(Rhett and Retta laugh)
- I'm sketching you for my portfolio (chuckles).
- Okay, Link, you got an answer?
- Yeah man. - Okay what is it?
- $780.
- Okay. - Wait.
- So you're supposed to,
I was asking for how many chicken combos?
- I just put it in terms of money, my brother.
- Okay, well I'm not accepting that answer.
I'm only accepting the number of chicken combos.
- You wanna go back to-- - 156.
I mean I'm showing my work, that's right here.
156 combos. - Okay and Retta?
- That is three a week for a year.
- I said 365, one a day.
Because I won a Comedy Central stand-up competition
and Taco Bell gave me a meal.
One of the prizes was a meal, Taco Bell for a year,
but it was just 365 coupons.
- You ate at Taco Bell every day for a year?
- I was broke.
(Rhett and Link laugh)
- You earned it.
- El Pollo Loco is apparently a lot cheaper
than Taco Bell because all he offered was 12 chicken combos.
It was 12! - Are you serious?
- Just 12 chicken combos!
- So you won. - But I got the point.
I'm not proud of how I earned it. (laughing)
But I did get the point.
Did he get the chicken back though?
- No, it never was returned. - Of course.
- 'Cause it was cheap. - I do remember my neighbor
having a 20 foot tall El Pollo Loco chicken
in his front yard for weeks.
I guess I could have said something.
I just thought he was a fan.
- Just drive around the neighborhood, manager.
- Okay you know what, we're gonna make this one
worth two points.
- Oh boy. - We're shaking it up!
We cannot have a tie. - I'm fine with that.
- 'Cause it's the last one. - Back in 1994,
34 year old Keith Bradford pulled out all the stops
when he stole a condom machine off the wall
in the bathroom of a pub.
Unfortunately, Keith didn't do too good of a job
protecting himself because numerous witnesses
saw him walking away with the machine.
Police followed him home and recovered the stolen goods.
How much was the machine and its contents worth?
- In terms of chicken combo meals or?
- I don't believe there are any chicken combo meals.
There was money in there for people
who'd already purchased condoms.
There were condoms in there and there was the machine.
- All of that, okay. - Add all that up.
How much did it cost?
- These are like Trojan, or are we talking like Durex?
(crew laughing)
(Retta chuckles)
- I don't have access to that information.
(Retta laughs)
- Oh God. (chuckles)
- Just because they're flavored doesn't mean they're edible.
Just a note.
- Copy that.
I leaned that the hard way.
(Rhett laughs)
- Okay.
- Okay, Retta let's see your answer.
- $13,650.
- Whoa. - It's a lot.
- That's a lot of prophylactic.
- Condoms are very important.
- (laughs) Link?
- Play it safe, kids.
$560.
- Oh!
Okay, so here's what was in the machine.
127 quarters totaling $31.75.
48 condoms, totalling $24.
Probably Durex.
And the machine which is $279--
- That's it? - For a total of $334.75.
Link!
You won! - Yes!
- What?
- But you were a formidable foe.
Gimme that mystery box!
- Oh gosh, what's in the mystery box?
- Retta, I would love for you to have the dollar.
- Oh thanks. - Because, oh yeah.
- I can get me a condom.
- (laughs) Well you can get half a condom.
That doesn't work quite the same.
- I'm sorry to do this right in your face,
but I got a box to open.
(Retta laughs)
- That's hilarious.
- That is fajitas. (chuckles)
Congratulations, Link.
Look for Retta in season two of Good Girls on NBC very soon.
- That's not 50 years worth, but.
- And thanks for liking, commenting and subscribing.
You say you know what time it is.
- You know what time it is.
- I'm Sam. - I'm Angie.
- And this is Josie who was born just a minute ago.
- [Both] And it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- I'm glad it's not, and right now the baby's being born.
- (laughs) Next time, somebody's gonna outdo them.
Click the top link to watch us play Rhett or Retta
in Good Mythical More.
- And to find out where the
Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land.
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