"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
You know how in my last video,
I said I was an obedient child
who never stepped out of line
or broke rules growing up?
I wasn't lying,
but I do have things
I've secretly carried on my shoulders
for a long time and still
feel arguably guilty about to this day.
This video isn't just for your entertainment.
It's gonna serve as me clearing my conscience
and finally being free from these chains of guilt.
Also, don't get your hopes up.
None of these stories involve murder.
Sorry I didn't kill anyone.
- Every once in a while growing up,
my dad would let us sit in front of the television
while we ate dinner.
That would be a special treat for my brother and me,
because Mom wasn't home from work yet
and she didn't let us watch TV during the week.
This is when we were really young by the way, don't worry.
I'm allowed to eat in front of the TV
at least three days a week now.
We were eating in front of the TV one night
and I wanted to have chips for dessert.
Our dinner rules were always, "Eat dinner
and then get a little treat or dessert afterwards."
And I wanted chips, everyone's favorite dessert.
So my dad got the bag of chips
and normally my parents poured us bowls,
but there wasn't much left
so he just gave me the whole bag and said,
"Don't eat them all."
He got two cool parent points that day.
It was going good so far,
eating chips in front of the TV.
I looked down,
and I'd ate all the chips.
"Dang it!"
What do I do?
My dad gave me one rule;
my parents are never going to trust me ever again;
they're going to disown me;
my life is over;
I'm going to be living in a box in the side of the road
and I'll have to search trash cans for chips;
I might as well pack my things and get a head start right now.
I started to panic
and my little kid brain started racing
to think of some sort of way to avoid punishment.
"A RAT!
a giant rat BURST through the door,
SLAPPED the bag out of my hand,
ate all the chips,
and ESCAPED out the window!
And also,
stole an extra cookie on its way out.
"No, they wouldn't believe that.
I don't think rats eat chips."
Jax finished eating early and went into the backyard to play,
so what I ended up doing was going,
"Jax, do you want some chips?"
And I gave him the empty bag,
then I went over to my dad and said,
"Dad, I have something to tell you.
I'm sorry.
Jax ate all the chips."
And I went into my room and hid.
I really don't think my brother got into any trouble
because I didn't hear anything about it
and my dad probably just threw the bag away.
But since I never got caught or came clean,
I've held this guilt about that whole situation ever since.
There's layers to it!
Not only did I lie to my dad and falsely accuse my brother,
but on top of it all,
I gave Jax an empty bag of chips.
A perfect little regret cherry on the ice cream sundae of shame.
And I really think that when my dad and brother watch this video they'll be like,
"I don't remember this at all."
Because I want to say it was like thirteen years ago,
which makes me feeling guilty even more pointless and stupid,
because it doesn't even matter
and no one cares
and I'm the only one suffering from it.
This is a pretty effective way to learn a lesson.
I've never finished a bag of chips since that day.
- One time, I was at recess in second grade playing by myself in the grass.
You know, like a FRICKIN' LOSER.
This group of girls came up to me and said,
"Hey, we're playing tag and chasing the boys.
You should help us."
And I was like,
"Welp,
beats sitting here and getting eaten by ants."
So I started running around
and chasing the boys with the rest of the kids.
It was all normal tag at first,
but somehow it started escalating to (epilepsy warning I guess)
Extreme as in...
people started throwing rocks.
Being a self conscious child who had
no understanding of personal choices,
I was like,
"Oh.
Well, I guess we're doing this now."
So I throw a rock
and hit this kid in the back of the head.
Which, MAY I add,
took some top notch skill and coordination,
considering we were both running
and he was a good distance away from me.
Not to brag or anything. (that humility though)
"OW!
I'M TELLING!"
Oh, frick.
I watched this kid start running off to tell a teacher
and I knew I had to think of something fast.
And don't tell me I should have just stood there
and faced the consequences of my actions.
You know as a kid,
you wouldn't have done that.
This only works if we're all honest with ourselves here. (SHOTS FIRED)
The first thing I could think of
was to go hide in the bathroom,
because everyone knows,
teachers can't burst into kids using bathroom stalls.
That is definitely illegal and weird.
I camped out in the girl's bathroom until I heard the recess whistle
and went back to class.
Obviously, the teacher was told what happened;
I couldn't have run away from that,
so I still got in trouble.
But the guilt trip doesn't end THERE.
The teacher told me I wasn't allowed to go to recess tomorrow,
which is reasonable.
I can own up to that punishment.
But she also said I needed to write a letter to my parents
telling them what I did.
I don't know what pushed me to do this,
because I always did what grownups said.
But something in my head told me,
"You're NOT writing that letter." ( ;3)
And so I didn't.
Later that day the teacher came up to me and asked,
"Did you write the letter?"
"Yes."
*Please don't ask to see it,
please don't ask to see it...*
"Mmm...
Good!"
And so my parents never found out.
Until right now.
In this video.
Please don't ground me, Mom and Dad.
I don't know the statute of limitations of
throwing rocks at little boys,
But it's been eight years.
I think I'm safe.
* I'm not really guilty about this next story,
but it's resonated within me for a very long time
so I'm going to add it to this video.
- One late night, I was on the couch playing my Gameboy,
and it was very much past my bedtime.
I don't remember exactly what happened, (aww :P)
but I was probably pushing it with wanting to stay up a bit longer
and my mom was in my room telling me I needed to go to bed.
It got to the point where she pulled the:
"I'm gonna count to three,
and you better have the living room cleaned up,
and be in bed.
OR ELSE."
Everyone knows counting to three means serious business.
So I sprung up and immediately
started getting my crap together.
The thing was,
the ottoman was pushed out
and normally it's supposed to be against the couch,
so I had to push it back.
But being a scrawny five year old the size of a poodle
meant it was probably equivalent to
trying to push a semi-truck.
I kept pushing and pushing with all my strength
as I heard my mom in the background going,
"One...
two..."
Eventually, I just crumbled to the ground in defeat
and started crying, and my mom found me on the floor
curled up next to the ottoman.
I felt guilty I couldn't move the ottoman.
But hey,
you don't need to feel bad for me,
look at me now.
*Ottoman sliding* (lol, it's an animation with SFX)
Yeah, it's pretty inspiring. (thank goodness, subbing is too long)
- So yeah, those are the things my brain flashes back to when I'm . . .
. . . wanting to feel guilty?
For the record, I have not thrown a rock at anybody else ever since.
I've got a pretty good "thrown rocks" to "not thrown rocks" ratio going on.
Also, thank you to everybody who has been sending me happy birthday messages,
that was very nice of you.
You can see here I'm trying to squish in as much art as I can because I got so much it's crazy.
Watch this.
And with the power of editing,
Boosh!
Two conveyor belts of art!
Woah-ho-ho!
Look at 'em all!
Sliding across the screen like they've got somewhere to be.
See you later little buddies.
Thank you for drawing me things. It's awesome and I like it a lot.
My birthday is September 27th, so a couple days ago.
I'm 20 now.
Did I do anything?
Uhh . . . no.
I'm not the biggest person on doing or planning things for my birthday.
For some reason, I feel selfish celebrating it.
It's . . .
I don't know, my brain's weird.
I know that thought process is kind of ridiculous, and I love celebrating other people's birthdays.
I just have trouble celebrating me.
But some of my friends got me gifts and made me feel special, so that's nice of them.
Anyway, thanks for watching the videos.
I'm 20 now, I'll talk to you later,
I'm hanging up now, bye.