- If you're anything like me,
you prefer to be on people's good side
rather than their bad side.
So in this video. (chuckles)
So in this video, we're gonna talk about
how you can get on someone's good side
using knowledge about what their personality type might be.
Frank, are we just talking about manipulating people?
You know what, we might be
but I'm looking at it more like
we're just trying to establish trust with people.
We just want people to like us
so that then we can build
a more meaningful rapport with them.
So the way to do this,
I'm going to give you kind of like a quick shorthand
to try to figure out in the moment
what kind of person you're talking to,
like what type they might be
and depending on what you think
how you should be approaching the conversation.
But before we get into that
and speaking about shorthand,
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Let's get into it, how to get on
the 16 personalities good side.
Now, one of the first things that you can look for
that I think is one of the best dividing lines
between the types is,
are you dealing with a thinker
or you're dealing with a feeler?
So start to listen to the words they're saying,
and are they going more towards value judgments,
Like I like that, that makes me
or other people feel this way.
This is good, this is bad.
Stuff that's like more in the feelings realm
or are they talking more like,
this is how this works,
this is the tool to use for the job.
This is how we're gonna solve this,
that's more the thinking side of stuff.
And here's the thing it's like,
you can get thinkers who when you're talking to them
one-on-one, can like do more feeling talk
or the other way around,
feelers who talk more in the logical realm.
We're not necessarily trying to type them accurately,
we're just trying to get a feel
for what mode do they wanna be in, thinking or feeling?
Do they wanna talk about the value of things
or do they wanna talk about how stuff works?
So if you're dealing with a feeler
or at least someone who wants to talk about feeling,
lean into that,
and really like express your value judgments
about whatever is being talked about.
And like as you're doing this,
with anything we're talking about today,
once you think, oh I'm dealing with X kind of type,
do a little experiment,
start talking more in the feelings realm
and see if they open up.
Some feelers like the introverted feelers,
they wanna talk more about what they like,
and some like the extroverted feelers will wanna hear
more about like what you like.
So try to feel that out.
Ask them questions
about the things that are important to them,
what matters to them.
And if they seem to not respond so well to that,
deflect questions back to you,
then maybe you start talking more about what matters to you.
However, if you do hear a person
you're in a conversation with
start to puzzle a bit more
and start to feel like we gotta solve this problem,
even if you're just like hanging out at the bar
and the conversation keeps turning to some kind of issue
and how does this thing work,
you might be dealing with the thinker.
At that point, to get on the good side,
you've gotta play the thinking game.
You've gotta be thinking more about
how do I help the problem be solved,
or how do I prop up what they're thinking about?
How do I feed them like interesting things?
And let me go less with like the sentimentality
and like what I think is cool or whatever,
which is more the feeling side.
Now, when you're dealing with the thinkers,
don't get upset if they are a little bit less polite,
less concerned with doing that kind of social dance.
The thinkers will really just like kind of cut to the chase.
What is the heart of the matter we're talking about?
And they're not always going to wanna like
keep retreading on something that they've already discussed.
They wanna keep the discussion moving
for the sake of keeping it interesting.
All right, while we're here,
let's stop momentarily and see if YouTube
would like to show a commercial.
Thanks for sitting through that.
And if you're enjoying this video, hit the thumbs up button.
All right, so you think you've kind of figured out
feeling or thinking,
you know, are they talking about stuff that they like,
that's cool, you know,
oh, that's awesome I love that.
Or they're talking about more like,
that's interesting, oh I could see how hypothetically
this thing could do this and blah, blah, blah.
I struggled to even like pretend to be a thinker,
that's. (chuckles)
Now you might ask yourself
am I dealing with someone who is more a sensing type
or an intuitive type?
And this also can help you get on their good side,
depending on how you steer the conversation.
The sensing types or at least people
who are in that moment preferring to look at the sensing
are gonna want to talk about the stuff
and like actually real things,
like things they have experienced.
If they cannot actually observe it or experience it,
if it is not actually real,
the sensing types are gonna get a bit bored.
So if you think you're dealing with a sensing type,
try to steer the conversation more into the real world
and things that they have actually experienced.
And if it does become a bit more hypothetical,
still keep it in the realm of like reality
rather than something like totally off the wall.
Intuitive types though, might get a little bored
by talking about like real world stuff.
They're gonna wanna think a little bit more
about what's in between the lines of that
and something that's a bit more projected out
into the abstract world?
Something that I think you'll hear a lot of times
when intuitives are talking is,
what if X?
Like that whole what if thing,
that is like a very intuitive,
like, let me project out,
let me see what the possibilities are.
Now here's the thing
now that we've talked about thinking and feeling,
sensing and intuition, the two middle letters
is that these are not necessarily hard and fast rules
depending on the actual type of the person
you're talking to,
because you can get intuitive types who were like,
I'd rather just talk about stuff.
I just rather just talk about the real world sensory
because I do intuition all day long
and I'm bored with it, man,
I just want, I wanna talk about the cognitive functions
I don't use you know.
We're having fun, let's talk. (chuckles)
It's like, that's my work,
I do intuition all day,
let me do a little bit of sensing now
that we're playing around.
Or you might have a thinker who's like,
I think all day, I solve problems all day,
I'm burned out.
I wanna talk about what I like,
I wanna talk about the feelings.
So think of it less like,
what type is this person
and more like, what kind of conversation
do they wanna have?
Do they wanna have an NF conversation?
That's all about the abstract stuff and what we feel,
and it's like maybe more, some spiritual chat or whatever.
Or do they wanna have a more SF talk?
We're just talking about stuff we like in the real world.
What's cool?
What's popular?
Or are we having a more NT talk
where we're doing this logical, hypothetical,
whatever abstract talk.
Or do we have a more ST talk?
How do we get stuff to work in the real world?
How do I fix my lawn mower?
That's what we're gonna talk about.
And then we come to looking at J versus P
which I think that is where,
it's less the content of the conversation
that we're looking at
and more like the way that we have a conversation.
Because the J types are going to want
to come to a conclusion.
We're discussing how we feel about something
and then we'd come to the end and say,
"Well, that's how we feel,
"this is how we should feeling moving on now."
Whereas the P types will wanna keep things open-ended
and be like, nah, we're just gonna keep exploring.
We're gonna keep looking for new stuff
that we think is cool
or that we find interesting.
You're also gonna find that the judging types
are going to be much more interested
in like giving advice and stuff
and the P types less so,
they just wanna see what's gonna happen.
I think the judging types are more,
they have a better idea of should I think.
You know, like this should happen,
you should do this,
this is the way things should be.
Whereas the P types are like,
I don't know, (chuckles) I'm just keeping tabs on it
and seeing what's happening.
I'm not gonna try to tell you what you should do.
So that can be something to look out for.
Am I talking to someone who's being a bit more
of a judging type right now
or someone who's a bit more perceiving.
So if you're dealing with a judging type,
you're gonna get more on their good side
if you are helping them bring whatever you're talking about
to a conclusion,
to get things settled
rather than being the person who's like,
oh wait, let's keep going,
let's keep, you know, talking about all the possibilities
No, the judging types wanna get things settled.
And if you're dealing with a perceiving type,
help them kick that ball down the road,
continually with the conversation.
Try to avoid coming to a conclusion,
you wanna just keep your options open
in that conversation.
I think also in general, the judges appreciate it,
if you kind of chime in,
when they're talking about like, the should,
what people should do
when they're doing their extroverted judging
(chuckles)
because they wanna be able to get that validation.
They wanna see what everyone is thinking about something,
so they expect you to participate.
Whereas the perceiving types,
they will not appreciate as much
that kind of you, you should do this.
This is the correct value judgment.
The perceiving types recognize
a bit more of the subjectivity of how people feel or think.
And so you just wanna kind of play
that more individualistic side of things.
And it really just goes back
to keeping things open-ended
rather than trying to settle things.
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