What is the deal with cutting? Why do teens cut themselves? As a professional psychologist,
I know some answers to that. And some of these are going to surprise you.
In order to understand this tricky problem, let's start with what it is not. It is not an attempt
to get attention. Sometimes it gets chalked up as that but usually, they try to hide it.
Most cutting that is done by teenagers is in a place where it can't be seen easily.
Something that's covered by their clothing or something that they can easily hide from others.
It's not an attempt to get attention. It is also not typically suicidal behavior. I've interviewed
a lot of teenagers who have been in this position and typically, they're not trying to end their
life. There's a different factor in play and we'll come back to that in just a little bit. It's
often misunderstood as suicidal behavior. It's usually not. Cutting is usually not "self-harm"
or "self-punishment". Although cutting is often associated with low self-esteem or depression
or guilt or shame. These are very common feelings that are manifested. But the
cutting itself is typically not self-harm or self-punishment. That's not the objective
for the cutting. Cutting sometimes gets a bad rap as being an attempt to manipulate others.
Self-cutting is not manipulation. Although people who are engaged in cutting behavior typically
need help and support and attention from others. The cutting isn't for that purpose to manipulate
others. It is a sign or a signal or a symptom that they really do need some help and support.
But it's not done for that purpose. I think this is particularly important to understand because
people who are in this position typically have a really hard time asking for support in appropriate
ways. It's probably a lot more useful to think of this problem as pain management.
This is the part that I thought might surprise you. If it's not all of those things that we
just discussed, then what is it? Most people who are cutting experience intense emotional pain.
This can take many different forms. Sometimes it's insecurity or depression or shame or guilt. Often,
it's chronic. It's built up over a period of time. And this creates a lot of emotional pain.
Cutting for a lot of different reasons tends to bring that pain into some level of control. That
might seem strange. I'll explain more about that in just a little bit. I'm wondering if you have
any experience with this either personally or with someone that you know very well.
If you can contribute to this conversation, go to the comments and just let us know whether
this resonates with you. Pain management, cutting is pain management. I've shared that with many
of my clients who are in that position and they nod their heads and they say, "Yeah,
that's what it's all about". When we think of it in this way, then cutting simply becomes a symptom
of a deeper problem that's causing the emotional pain. This also can inform how we respond to it
because we can address the pain instead of just focusing on the symptom.
Now that we know this is more about pain management,
let's look at 2 different kinds of pain here. And it will help us to understand the dynamic. There's
physical pain and there's psychological pain. Now, of the 2, physical pain is easier to deal with.
I know that might sound surprising but I've got this on good authority because a lot of people
have told me this. Physical pain is visible and it's concrete and it's something that I
can wrap my head around. Easier than emotional or psychological pain. Physical pain also triggers
your body's natural painkiller responses. When you get hurt for example, your body will
go into a protective mode where it secretes different chemicals into your bloodstream.
And these things are designed to help you deal with the physical pain that's happening. Those
same chemicals and processes can address emotional pain. But emotional pain doesn't always trigger
the same response. So, the physical pain that is caused by cutting actually activates the body to
take care of all kinds of pain including the physical and the psychological pain.
Of the 2 kinds of pain, physical pain represents something that is more easily controlled or
manipulated. This perception of control makes it a very attractive means for triggering those natural
chemical responses in the body that help to address the pain. It's actually quite effective.
It's kind of dangerous though. And that's why the concern. And as parents or helping professionals
this is what becomes so alarming. Even though cutting is not typically suicidal in nature, it
is dangerous. It can cause complications illness or even death because of the dangerous nature of
what we're dealing with. So, even though it's effective in addressing the pain, it's maladaptive
and dangerous. That's why we want to address it and find better ways to handle the pain.
So, let's take all of this information and see if we can hone in on what to do
if someone that we love is cutting. First of all, don't freak out. To react strongly
sends the wrong messages. It says, "Look, I'm not open to this I can't have this conversation
with you. You are freaking me out." And it's pretty common actually for parents especially
to have that kind of a reaction if they find out that their child or their teen is cutting.
Because you're here watching this video, I can tell you want to wrap your head around this thing
in a way that allows you to respond appropriately. If you've already freaked out, that's okay.
Just apologize let your loved one know that you're learning more and that you're finding out things
that you didn't know about this. That's important I think --to be humble enough to acknowledge that
we're still learning too. And then open up those lines of communication. We do not want
to instill more guilt or more shame around this behavior. Remember, they're doing it to manage
those kinds of feelings in the first place. So, the last thing we want to do is increase that.
Approach them with a loving supportive tone without freaking out or condemning the behavior
telling them they have to stop. Simply just show a supportive loving approach. Now,
the next thing that we want to do is keep those lines of communication open.
You've already done that by approaching them in a calm, loving, supportive way.
Let them know we can talk about anything. Let them know that this topic doesn't scare you....
even if it does, okay? Hopefully this video will help you to get on top of that a little bit.
And that allows you as a parent to approach them in a more helpful way.
A parent or a loved one. And you don't have to do this on your own. In fact, usually,
if it's gotten to the point where cutting is the preferred method of pain management,
they need to work through some emotional pain and it might be appropriate for you to engage a
therapist or a counselor or coach. This is typically indicative of a clinical need for
help. Reach out and get the help that you need. There are a lot of community resources available.
You can consult with your physician or with a local therapist or psychologist to help you
with this. You can come over to Live On Purpose Central and talk to one of our coaches. We'll
try to get you pointed in the right direction. Get some help. You don't have to do this on your own.
Because you've watched this video through to the end, that tells me that you
probably got someone in mind who could really use this information. Would you
please share this video with them? And if you would like additional coaching support,
our team is ready to help you any way that we can. Please reach out to us through
drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall. We'll get one of our coaches on the phone with you.