hey, today, I wanna talk about something that I have never talked about, in this kind of
like "I don't want to admit it, but I have to, cause, it me, and I talk about things
so..."
Let's do it!
Today, I'm talking about, not blaming everything on being trans.
Now that seems like, obviously, like Chase, why you're blaming everything on being trans...
That's not what I'm doing, I'm not like "The weather is cold bcause I'm trans" "I didn't
get an A+ because I'm trans" "The cats don't like me, because I'm trans".
That's definitely not what I'm talking about.
What I'm talking about is "Oh my God, I'm balding because I'm trans" "Oh my God I'm
short, and that's because I'm trans" Now yes, okay, I'm going to admit, I'm doing this all
the time about everything related to my body and how I socialise and interact with other
people.
Yes, it happens.
I admit that I do it, and I still do it, even though I'm making this video; it's a process.
So, what do I do?
I say "Oh my God, if I wasn't trans, I wouldn't be short, I wouldn't be losing my hair, I
wouldn't..."
like all these little things like "I wouldn't have small feet.
It wouldn't be so hard for me to shop for clothes, especially pants where I can only
go to H&M and the pants __???__ doesn't exist anymore and I'm like, knife emoji people,
Ah!"
Okay, so when I say that, I imagine myself as like, a cis guy, like, if "I wasn't trans,
I'd be a cis guy."
But there's two sides of the story and it's like it kind of works out, but it kind of
doesn't.
So, on one side, "if I wasn't trans, I wouldn't blah blah blah, so I would be a cis guy",
but there are a lot of cis guys who lose their hair, even before they're 24, there are a
lot of cis guys who like start like, thining hair or stuff.
Also my hairline looks very bad right now because...
*Laughs* I'm doing it again.
*Mumbles* A lot of cis guys are short, a lot of them
have hips, like it's not ALL cis guys but when you see them, not that you should point...
Oh my God,I'm horrible, I don't even know what I'm talking about...
What I'm saying is there are cis guys okay?
People who are not trans, men, who are men, who are not trans, they have a body that looks
like this, some even shorter than me, some have less hair, some have acne and that I
don't have, you know?
And they're cis, so that's one side of the story.
Now the other side is, "if I wasn't trans" like, am I talking about if I would've like
"stayed female"?
Hum, I don't like saying it like that, but for the sake of like, simplicity...
Like, that's just like a weird like, "Noooo" concept to me like, it's just it sounds weird,
it feels weird cause if I like, didn't transition, I wouldn't be here, right now, you know what
I'm saying?
Like you get the hint like #knifeemojionmyself oh my God, that, trigger warning, I litteraly
sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I'm just saying, I was very depressed when I transitionned
so if I wasn't like "trans" and if I never transitionned and decided to just like "I'm
gonna live with myself like this I can do it" well, I couldn't have done it because
I wouldn't have been emotionnaly been able to do it and things would've happened is what
I'm trying to say.
So, if we don't like even think about that side, and we just go to "I should've been
born a cis male side, but I'm trans and this is bullshit and this is happening to me I
have to deal with being trans and all of this stuff because I'm trans" That's where I have
started to like, switch it up, just be like "no" because it also happens to cis guys.
Can I also just say that, it's not funny, like "HA-HA", but it was like a cis guy that
made me realise that like," stop blamming that on being trans, alot of cis guys have
that" and I think I needed that, like a big slap in the face cause I was angry like "Don't,
fuck it, you don't know my trans experience" You know how we do.
But then I was like, I like, stop for a second I was like "Fuck, it true" I do that all the
time.
And I know so many people who do it and so who say it.
I'm on like, I don't know 98 facebook groups for trans people, mostly trans guys, actually
let's say like 98 groups like 95 of them are for trans guys only.
I'm kidding I'm not on that many groups.
Like many like 50, like for real.
And I see a lot of posts like, "Oh I wish I wasn't trans, I wouldn't have to deal with
my height being like this" but, like, yes as trans people we have to deal with a lot
of shit, like it SUCKS, like having to transition, having people like name you and gender you
and pronoun you correctly, like it sucks and that cis guys don't have to deal with that.
Like that we can basically like, cause that is really like trans experience like thing.
But saying like "My hair wouldn't fall out as fast if I was just born cis" is bullshit.
Saying "I would've been taller if I was born cis because my whole family is tall", bullshit.
Saying "Oh my whole family has big feet" or some shit like that, you know what I'm talking
about like, "At least I would've had bigger feet" like come on, I have very small feet,
anyways, all that stuff happens to cis guys, like it does.
Some cis guys are like super short, even though their family are like giants and like 6 foot
5.
It happens.
Some cis guys have hips and are born with hips and it hard for them to go shopping and
they probably can't even fit in H&M, so at least we have that.
I don't mean it like, no, that sounded bad, you know what I'm trying to say right?
Even like, trans guys who are like "Oh I wish I had more facial hair or my facial hair is
growing so short or small" like come on, we all know some cis guys who like cannot grow
a beard or even a mustache and it comes in so patchy and they just have to shave and
baby face all the time.
Some cis guys look super young because they can't grow facial hair like us, like right
before we start transitionning we look like we're 12 even though we're like, 40, and it's
just...
I don't know.
I'm like, promise you, I promise, I promise you that I'm not trying to be like "you need
to stop thinking like that, you need to start thinking like this" no.
I can't even, I guess it's still hard for me to not, it's not like "blamming everything
on being trans", but I think that's like the easiest, like, thing that I could say to describe
it, but I think like, adapting a new mind frame about the idea, like "yeah we're trans,
and it sucks, a lot of the time because we have to deal with like, all this like bullshit
and society and like, it's really hard for me to like, socialise and be friend with like
cis guys cause like, I was never socialised with males, I don't know how to interact,
the only references that I have is like high school and like, from seeing and observing
men and like, tv."
Like those things are not acurate to what society is so now, I like see how men interact
with each other and I try to learn but it's like "no" I need to stop and just interact
like yourself.
There's no one way to interact with people and even cis people have issues with like,
having male friends, and it's just a normal thing, it's normal, it happens to everyone
and I feel that in the trans community, we're in this trans bubble, and it's fine, we're
allowed to, we are literally so like, oppressed by society and people do not understand our
experiences so we create this community where we're only inside and we never look outside
and like see like "Oh, that also happens to other people" so like, I'm like slowly trying
to get out of this bubble, I'm still in the bubble, but I'm like opening up the bubble
and being like "look, cis people have these issues too and it's fine."
And I have these issues.
So because I have realised that "oh yeah, I have seen cis guys with bigger hips than
I do, I have seen cis guys who like, can't find pants that fit them, or who have gone
bald at 24, completely bald, or like, can't grow facial hair and are very short.
Shorter than me and I'm 5 foot 6, have smaller feet than me which is very rare because I
have very small feet" But in a way, it made me feel so much better
about myself, and it sounds really weird and I hope that there's like not any cis guys
that are like "Oh so you feel better because, like you're taller or something like that"
that's not what I mean, it's just, because all of these things that we see.
We see men in society as like, one image.
We all do.
They're always like tall, muscular, fit.
Fit muscular, same thing...
White, straight, super like masculine and like arrogant and stuff like that and like
make friend and are like "BROOO!"
stuff like that, it's what we see as men.
And I'm not saying that that's the ideal, but I'm saying that that's what society is
like showing us what men are supposed to be like.
We all have this view and like in the trans community we're like slowly starting to realise
that we're trans we realise that we're supposed to be that image right there.
That tall, blah blah blah, so we aspire to be that and we know, we can go on hormones
we can have like, top surgery, bottom surgery if we want, if that's the transition path
that you're on.
But we never...
But there's certain things that we're never going to be able to obtain(?!), we're never
going to be able to, I mena if you're not 6 feet one already, you,re never gonna be
6 foot 1.
If you have small feet, you'll never have bigger feet.
There's certain things that you cannot physically change about your body and it makes us depressed
and like still think like "oh but there's still things that I can do *Mumbles*" and
like, "we can't though..." and it's very depressing and it took me a long time to realise like,
"I'm never gonna get taller" which is fine, I've accepted my height and I'm very happy
with my height now, I have no complaints about it.
My feet size, still a bit like "hum" cause it's hard for me to shop for shoes but, you
know, I'll deal with it, I'll just wear shoes that are a little too big for me.
It's just all these things that I know I'll never be able to change.
But I've like, grown to accept them.
The things that I'm still having problems with... how long is thsi video... okay, just
making sure it's not like, 19 minutes or something, hum, the thing i'm still having issues with
is my hair, I know, it happens to cis guys, I keep trying to tell myself that, it's like
the one thing that I just can't...
I can't, I can't, because I feel like there are things that I could do about it to fix
it.
Like, I'm on Finasteride and it's like, Propecia; the no name brand, it's a lot cheaper, but
like, I've been on it for a couple of months, like I don't know, I think it's like help
reduce the hair coming out, but I don't think like, my hair is actually grown, in that area.
Oh God I can't look, it hurts.
I just need to accept it, there's nothing I can do about it.
And in my head I'm like "Oh but when I'm older I could just get like, a hair transplant"
Oh my God it gives me so much anxiety right now, just thinking about losing my hair...
BUT!
You see what I mean, this anxiety right here, is not happening only to trans guys, it's
also happening to cis guys.
I know some cis guys who are like, my age, and are dealing with this and it's giving
them anxiety cause they don't wanna lose their hair.
Why?
Because society only sees man as "long..."
Long?!
"Lucious and thick hair that never has a receding hairline and like, looks great and perfect
facial structure" and when you don't have that, it makes everybody feel like shit.
Not just trans guys.
I think that that's what I'm trying to say.
Hopefully I didn't forget anything.
I don't wanna make this video like 19 years long, so I want people to actually watch it.
If I forgot anything, I'll put it in the comments.
But *mumbles* description.
Hopefully it made a little bit of sense.
Because I think it's important we have this conversation, let's talk about it and if you
have questions, let's just like, talk and if anybody wants to help me with the captioning
of this video (it's done right here) or any other videos, please e-mail me, we can do
it in chunks you don't have to do the entire video, because that takes forever.
You can do like 3 minutes, someone else can do 3 minutes, or 5 minutes, whatever.
And also, I'm back from Utah, was awesome, I'll make a video about that later.
Bless, have a great week.
*Chase noise*