- One of the scariest things about Depersonalization
is the fear that you're somehow changed forever,
that you'll never really get back to normal;
but is there any truth to that fear?
Hey everyone, I'm Shaun O' Connor,
author of "The Depersonalization Manual."
I suffered with chronic depersonalization for two years
before I recovered completely.
And in the more than 10 years since,
my book, "The Depersonalization Manual"
has helped thousands of people around the world
to recover from DP.
And today, we're going to answer
one of the biggest questions associated with DP.
"Will I really get back to normal after depersonalization?"
Let's get started.
(bright music)
Depersonalization tends to have lots of scary thoughts
and fears associated with it.
But one of the most frightening prospects of all
is that the condition has somehow changed you fundamentally
and irreparably as a person.
You might worry that: you flicked a switch in your brain,
you've opened a door that you can't close,
you're seeing reality differently,
you've been traumatized for life,
you'll never get back to thinking like everyone else does,
or that you might never get back to normal.
Back when I had depersonalization disorder,
those types of thoughts used to terrify me.
I genuinely felt like something inside me had changed
and at some part of me was broken forever,
and I felt like the evidence for that was all around me.
For example, before developing DP,
I was a happy, active, sociable and creative young man.
Life was good, but when I developed depersonalization,
my whole life just stopped in its tracks.
I was terrified all the time.
I felt physically and mentally cut off from the world,
like I was living in a dream.
I had constant existential philosophical thoughts
about the nature of reality and consciousness.
These thoughts and feelings were constant
and I felt like I had no control over them.
Everything I used to enjoy doing suddenly seems terrifying
and all I wanted to do was stay in my room all the time
and just avoid the world.
My dream in life had always been to make films
but now that seems totally impossible.
How could I possibly direct a crew and actors
if I couldn't even walk from my bedroom to the bathroom
because I was so frightened of the thoughts
I would have on the way.
I was 100% sure
that I had fundamentally changed as a person.
I remember even looking at old photographs of myself
and hardly recognizing the happy, confident person
in those pictures.
I was also convinced
that if by some miracle, I did somehow manage to recover,
I would be so affected by the experience,
so traumatized that I would still be fundamentally changed.
At one point,
I remember grieving for the person I used to be
and thinking, "I'll never get that back."
It was a terrifying and depressing prospect.
Now I know that all sounds pretty frightening
and you might very well be going
through something similar yourself,
but coming from someone who went through all of that
and fully recovered
and who has spoken to thousands of people over the years
who have done exactly the same, the question is,
are you really the same person after depersonalization?
The answer is yes.
You will 100% get back to being the same person you were
before depersonalization.
And I'm going to tell you why in four simple steps.
Number One: Depersonalization can't change you.
At the core of the fear
that you might not be the same after DP is the mistaken idea
that depersonalization can actually change you
or that it can damage you, or that it's dangerous at all.
It can't and it isn't.
Let me put it to you like this.
Take the example of someone who has a panic attack,
and let's say it lasts for 10 minutes.
Now in that 10 minutes, what is the person experiencing?
Fear, racing thoughts, catastrophizing.
It's pretty intense, right?
They might even be 100% certain that they're dying,
that they're having a heart attack,
that they're going crazy, et cetera.
Now are any of these things actually happening?
Of course not, no matter how much the intense anxiety
makes it feel that way.
But what happens after 10 minutes?
Well, the panic attack finishes.
And okay, the person might be a bit shaken,
but that's about it.
And that same person, who just a few minutes ago,
was 100% certain that they were going crazy or going to die,
well, they go back to work
or they pick up their kids from school
or finish doing their shopping or whatever.
And okay, they might be a bit shaken,
but are they fundamentally damaged?
Are they seeing reality differently?
No, of course not.
All those fears about going crazy or dying
were harmless, temporary, and caused entirely by anxiety.
That's all!
And it's the exact same thing with depersonalization.
You might be jumping to all sorts of scary conclusions
about how you're going crazy,
how you're seeing reality differently,
or stuck in a dream, et cetera, et cetera.
None of it is true.
None of it's even close to being true
because it's just anxiety.
And I know we can seem like it's much bigger
and more scary than that, but you know what?
That's what anxiety does,
that's what it's supposed to do.
In order to protect you,
anxiety makes everything seem bigger
and scarier than it is, even anxiety itself.
The feelings of depersonalization,
as scary as they may seem,
are a perfectly natural response to stress and anxiety.
It's super common.
In fact, 75% of people will experience it
at some point in their lives.
Why?
Because it's part of the brain's natural defense mechanism.
And a defense mechanism is not going to hurt you
or damage you,
and it's certainly not going to traumatize you
or change you forever.
Number Two: You're not seeing things differently.
So one of my biggest worries
was that I had somehow flicked a switch in my brain
and that I was now seeing reality differently.
I had constant scary existential thoughts
about consciousness, the nature of reality,
et cetera, et cetera.
I felt like I was seeing things differently now
and I was terrified
that I would never be able to get back to normal
or that even if I did,
I'd always be haunted by my experience
and never quite the same.
So again, as somebody who has recovered
after years of chronic depersonalization
and intrusive and existential thoughts,
did it really flick a switch in my brain?
Does DP really make you see things differently?
The answer is no, absolutely not!
You're not seeing things differently.
Now when you recover, you are 100% back to normal.
Let me explain.
So if you break down what's actually happening,
it's quite simple.
Again, the actual feelings of DP
are part of your brain's natural response to anxiety.
It's super common, it's temporary and it's harmless,
but still that sensation of being cut off from reality
can feel really strange, right?
Of course.
Now, you combine those strange feelings of DP
with two more super common mental symptoms of anxiety:
racing thoughts and catastrophizing,
and what's going to happen?
Of course, you're going to jump
to all sorts of scary conclusions about those feelings.
So you worry that you must be seeing reality differently
or that you're still high and you can't come down,
or that you've damaged your brain, et cetera, et cetera.
Now having those types of thoughts is scary for sure,
but is there any actual evidence
for any of those big, scary things happening?
No, of course not.
And why not?
You guessed it, because they haven't happened.
All these worries, all that catastrophizing,
all those weird sensations of unreality,
they're all caused by anxiety.
That's all they are; that's all they've ever been.
Depersonalization is a strange experience for sure
but you're absolutely not seeing things differently
and you never were.
What you're experiencing are actually pretty normal
and common symptoms of anxiety:
racing thoughts, feelings of unreality, catastrophizing,
inability to concentrate.
And the thing is if you were actually in physical danger,
say getting chased through the jungle by wild animal,
those exact same thoughts and feelings
would be super useful.
They might even save your life.
But when you're experiencing them
in your normal day to day life,
say having dinner with your family,
those same symptoms can feel intrusive
and unwanted and frightening.
Combine that with the anxious tendency to catastrophize,
and again,
of course, you're going to jump to scary conclusions
that you have flicked a switch in your brain,
or you're seeing reality differently,
but you haven't, and you're not.
Again, what you're experiencing
are normal common symptoms of anxiety.
Your body and brain are doing exactly
what they're supposed to be doing,
they're just doing them at the wrong time.
That's all.
So don't worry.
You haven't flicked a switch in your brain
and you're not seeing reality differently.
Three: What if I'm traumatized?
This was another huge fear of mine.
I worried that the experience of depersonalization
was so huge and overwhelming
that it must be a traumatizing experience.
And I was terrified that I would be traumatized
and anxious for the rest of my life,
but there's a very simple reason
why you don't need to worry about that happening,
and it's this.
Anxiety and depersonalization are a reaction
to perceived trauma.
They are not the trauma itself.
Again, DP is part of your brain's natural
and correct response to stress and anxiety.
I know that it can feel bizarre and frightening
but it's part of a defense mechanism,
and a defense mechanism cannot hurt you.
So going back to the example of the panic attack.
When you're going through it,
it certainly feels like you're being traumatized, right?
But an actual fact,
it's your body and brain's natural defense mechanism.
No, that's not to say that it's not deeply unpleasant.
It is, but panic attacks don't traumatize people.
So many people will experience a panic attack
over the course of their lives
and they're certainly not forever traumatized by them.
So don't worry.
I know it can be a scary experience
but what you're feeling is actually your body
and brain's natural response to stress and anxiety.
Trauma is something that hurts you, that damages you.
Depersonalization, as frightening as it can seem,
is a defense mechanism.
It's there to protect you.
It can't hurt you and it certainly can't traumatize you.
Number Four: I can't remember being normal.
What really used to scare me
was I felt like I couldn't even remember
the person I used to be before depersonalization.
I couldn't remember what it felt like to not have anxiety,
to not feel DP.
And if I couldn't remember what it felt like
to not have anxiety and DP,
how could I ever get back to that?
So at first glance,
that argument might seem quite frightening
but as usual, there's a very simple explanation.
It's called state-specific or state-dependent memory.
Basically this means that when you're feeling a certain way,
it can be very hard to imagine
what it feels like to be any other way.
It's why they say to never go shopping on an empty stomach.
Why?
Because it's pretty much impossible to imagine a future you
who isn't hungry,
and you invariably end up buying way too much.
But at least I know I do.
And it's the same thing with moods, with anxiety,
with depersonalization.
When you're feeling DP and your thoughts are racing,
it's really hard to imagine a future
where that's not happening.
So one more time, let's use the example of the panic attack.
In that 10 minutes of panic,
if someone tries to calm the person down by saying,
"It's okay, you're not dying and you're not going crazy,"
it will be hard for the person to absorb that information.
Why?
Because in a state of panic and anxiety,
it's very difficult to imagine a future state
where you're not panicking
or worrying that you're going to die or go crazy
even though that calm state could be minutes
or even seconds away.
And the only difference between those two states is what?
That's right, the person's levels of anxiety, that's all,
And the exact same goes for depersonalization.
You haven't forgotten how to be normal.
That doesn't make any sense.
All that's happening is that anxiety can make it hard
to imagine a future you who isn't anxious.
But in that exact same way, when you do recover
and you're completely back to normal,
you'll find it hard to remember
what you were ever worried about with anxiety.
That's the benefit of state-specific memory.
The worries that you never be the same
or that you've flicked a switch in your brain, et cetera,
have no basis in reality
and are all essentially driven by anxiety.
That's all.
When you turn off the anxiety that's driving them,
all of these thoughts and fears will fade away and stop
as if they'd never been there.
You're not changed, you're not damaged,
you're not seeing things differently.
Why?
Because you never were any of those things.
It was just anxiety and it's symptoms.
And yes, when you recover, you will be 100% back to normal,
the same person you were with all the same interests,
likes, dislikes, dramas, pastimes, et cetera,
that you used to have.
Why?
Because you never really changed,
in the same way this I had never really changed.
And yes, I did fulfill my lifelong ambition
of becoming a filmmaker.
And remember, recovery is recovery,
and that doesn't mean 95% or 99%.
Worrying that you'll somehow never fully recover from DP
or any anxiety-based condition
or that you're somehow changed forever by it,
is not a rational thought about anxiety.
It is the anxiety.
And I know it can feel scary at times
but always remember that it's temporary, it's harmless,
and you can and will recover completely.
And when you do, you will be 100% back to normal.
If you have any comments or questions,
please leave them in the comment section below
and I'll make sure to answer and help you out.
One last thing.
If you want tons more information
on depersonalization recovery,
check out my website at dpmanual.com
where you'll find everything that you need to know
including my complete guide to recovery,
"The Depersonalization Manual."
Don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel.
And if you found this video helpful,
please do like and share.
Thanks for watching.
(bright music)