Matt: In this part two of the charisma podcast episode, coaches Jules, David and I will
show you how to stop caring what people think about you
so that you can feel more confident more charismatic in social situations and not
be afraid to speak your mind and simple exercises that you can do on your own to
build up your social confidence and help you feel unstoppable in social
situations and how to transform the things that you might feel insecure of
or even ashamed of and how to turn those into things that people love about you
so let's get to it welcome to the attractive man podcast
where we help men become better men in these episodes you'll discover how to
improve your dating and relationships how to break through your mental limits
that are holding you back and how to move through life with confidence and
purpose I'm your host Matt Artisan your
conversation doesn't have to be perfect because that's where it really makes
guys nervous when they're not very good at expressing themselves I've had
students telling us they're like why I just really want to nail it I was like
don't nail it oh just on whatever you do and whatever you say I say stupid cheesy
stuff around people all the time but I just own it I'm not worried about what
they think about me because I think it's actually hilarious and that's why I said
it and even if it's not like nobody is like holding a checklist ik in their
mind like I said this word or he didn't pronounce this like but we we all think
that right that's why like the reason why so many people are so nervous in
social situations is because they're constantly analyzing what's ever be
thinking about me what's ever be thinking about me what's everybody
thinking moment which really limits inhibits your ability to be calm and
just be spontaneous spontaneity right but every single person in that room is
also doing exactly what you're doing nobody's actually focusing on you it's
selfish to think that everybody is taking every single thing it's
egotistical it's what is what is the word it's vain to think that every
single person is taking some sort of inner catalogue of how you are how you
speak or you said that I'm gonna remember it forever like I and
my favoritism bootcamp some guys are like nervous when they have the thing
where I'm nervous if people see me talking to girls and I like guys I have
a two inch penis it's so funny then I'll scream that out loud booing
but yeah people hear it and they look at you and then they forget about it like
three seconds later because everybody's so focused on all of their problems they
probably think hey that guy is funny that guy's fun I want to go talk to that
guy with the 2-inch penis exactly I want to see that penis you start like I
started doing this stuff by myself I mean we can't do it in quarantine right
now but when you get out I would do social experiments I would go up to
people ask random questions try to keep the conversation going for as long as I
could make literally making shit up the whole time I would like just stand on a
corner and just start like moving in a really weird way I would just do all
this stuff and it just gave me more and more start handing you money I got an
ass grab you but I would I would start doing these things to myself and you can
start in small increments like one of my videos in the past saying just saying hi
to people just starting out saying hi to 20 people a day and then build on that
and then you know try and give people high-fives keep getting this social
feedback that nobody actually gives a shit which actually changes your your
your subconscious into thinking yeah I could just be what I want to be right
more and more and more you see that it's safe to be yourself and the thing about
developing charisma when you develop charisma what I really
think the thing you learn is is that the things you thought people would
disapprove of or not like you four are actually the things people love you for
I mean that was like my biggest takeaway with that and helped me be more fully
open and self expressed more and more in my life I like that and those are some
good things that guys can definitely do in public when isolation and Cova 19 are
over what are some other things that they can do right now it sounds like
some of the main things that they can do is just talking
they're completely alone they have no roommates they have roommates or they're
staying with family like me then obviously they can talk to them and even
play games like you guys were saying and do some improv things but what are some
things they could do if they're completely alone I really like the
talking to the wall and like gaming the wall pretending it's a woman what else
you can you can go into a phone book and you can call random numbers not to prank
call or be mean to them but say hey I'm quarantine
let's check I don't know you you don't know me see what happens call whole
bunch of people see if you could strike up random conversations with strangers I
mean like yeah it's gonna be weird and you're gonna feel weird doing it but
again you're if you listen to our inner game talk the last podcast bring up
those feelings of being weird and awkward about doing it that's a great
color red zone challenge so you can still do you can still do comfort zone
challenges even in isolation you can practice empathy with that try to find
random people from a phonebook who will talk to you about their experience and
what they're seeing this world eyes during this quarantine like that's a
great way to do an empathy it's a great way to do improv and spontaneity that's
yeah that's a good comfort zone a challenge to do I'd recommend that yeah
definitely and if you're not the type of guy that is gonna call random numbers
you just want to chat like it's it's fine to it's fine to just call an old
friend or you probably have other like some girls in your in your in your
agenda you can just you can just call people that you know and talk to them
and even more than that you can talk to yourself in front of the mirror because
like there is some different distinction that we have to make between being a
stand-up comedian and a charismatic person it's not the same thing like
someone that does like someone charismatic is also able to take the
conversation or the impression of the room where he wants there is a sense of
leadership in there so the exercises that we gave you before like never run
out of things to say that's more just to have always something to say now
obviously to learn how to steer this and in where you want then you can always
play the same games but you got to end at a topic let's say for example if it's
talking to women you can start with the word banana but you gotta end the end it
at asking for a date right then then you can always play the same game
but you got to ask for something or we I like to do this exercise where you would
gradually increase your how you were sexual in the conversation until your
your you get to talking about your favorite yeah about your favorite sexual
positions very freely you know I always say to my students if you want to like
if you want to show the girl that you are comfortable with sex you can just
talk about it as if it was your favorite slice of pizza that's it if like if you
are able to get to this point then everything is fine now how you train
this it's actually by talking to yourself talking in front of the mirror
recording yourself listening to yourself just getting this feedback I it seems
not related but do you guys know why girls are good at smiles at taking
selfies then and we are not as men is the same thing they take selfies every
day all day long and they look at themselves and they just know how to
come with the smile on command and that's there's just the same thing that
you want to get you the more you hear yourself the more you listen to yourself
the more the more you're comfortable with your jokes as Julian said the more
you can take this conversation where you want and actually you can also learn how
to smile in front of a mirror and if you just take selfies that's um that's
another way if you're not charismatic you can get along with a lot of things
if you have a nice smile if you don't know how to talk but you have a good
smile especially with girls then you can get away with many things that's how I
did it in the first place when you know I started to travel a lot and obviously
I was at this stage where I was like oh I want to post on social media I want to
see how it goes and how it works so I would take selfies of me all the time at
first you know my smile was just awkward and my students have ever exactly the
same thing when they want to set their tinder profiles they're just like I
don't know how to smile but they don't know how to smile because they never
smile like it's not something that is natural they're not like they're not
used to their own smile so if they just see themselves all the time is just
gonna come on command so kind of see the dynamics learning how to smile is the
same as learning how to be charismatic the more you train it and the more you
love yourself doing it the more you are gonna be charismatic and then it's just
a matter of you know just knowing the social dynamics to make it in the right
which is obviously something you cannot learn on your own but the basics that's
something that you definitely can and I would say you even have to learn it by
yourself because you own that to everybody
I mean you own that that interest to everybody you got to be interesting
I guess it's you've got to be successful together and be interesting it's just
respect with that like mere exercise to like you see my smile how like I get
these care Gill ions like I used to not like that you should not accept that and
myself a sad thing I used to think that I had like an ugly smile so even a step
up from that as well as it's just staring at yourself in the mirror and
and practicing these conversations give yourself and then again addressing the
thoughts and beliefs and feelings you have even about your own appearance
because I used to I used to think I was really ugly and that also stunted my
ability to be charismatic because again that was like a negative self-esteem
thing that I was like what why should I speak up I'm not one of the beautiful
people not that it really matters you can be ugliest fucking have tons of care
charism but you could you could be ugly as fuck and have tons of charisma that
was just my own limiting story right that I kind of rewrote in my mind by
doing these exercises but yeah it sounds like the biggest or at least one of the
biggest ways to work on your charisma is through practice just like working on
anything in life no surprise there yeah it's a muscle it's a it's something you
need to Train and that's why you see some people that are really really
charismatic because they take every opportunity to practice it you know like
public speakers for example or like Tony Robbins you know it does like 200
appearances you know workshops a year or something
like that or 200 days a year it's something like that so since you're in
isolation one of the best ways is to I really like the talking to the wall I
really like the talking to yourself I like to sing to myself all the time like
take some song that pops into my head and just change the words and make you
try to make it rhyme try to make it funny try to make it timely a lot of
copán 19 rendom songs and if you follow me on instagram sometimes i post them if
they're never when they're actually like kind of decent and
but I really really like the recording yourself because then you get feedback
then you like you said you can see your smile you can see your eye contact even
though you're not making eye contact with anybody you're making eye contact
with that camera and/or the mirror yeah the mirror is great right and you can
make contact eye contact with the mirror and you can still film yourself to the
side and then listen to yourself and at first you're probably not gonna like
what you hear both of us don't like the sound of our own voice but I definitely
didn't but I've heard myself thousands of times now I like it I enjoy hearing
myself talk now right and I think all of us in the beginning when we're doing
something new like filming ourselves on camera we don't like it we're kind of
like I said um 30 times in one minute it's so bad or I you know look at look
at how I look I'm not even smiling or I can't even make eye contact but you keep
working on it you see yourself you hear yourself you give yourself some feedback
and then you do it again imagine if you spent five minutes every single day just
recording yourself talking about some random subject what do you think would
happen after 30 days like that now do you guys remember your first youtube
video I mean for me I didn't sound charismatic at all right like that's the
obviously what you say is right I wouldn't even compare it to working out
I would compare more charisma to how you eat instead of how we work out because
working out is progressive but you know truly how you eat is more finding a
lifestyle it's just having this thing that is part of you it's something that
you enjoy that you can always do you can adapt it you can be flexible with it and
kind of try to do these exercises that you know singing whatever I personally
one of my favorite is to try to speak like other people so imitation or
imitate accents and that also helps you to find your own
subtleties and also to help to spice up your story sometimes you know when you
can imitate someone or like just watch comedians and try to imitate them or you
know try to imitate Donald Trump or whatever like just as you wish these
things just help you to kind of taste different ways of if it was a diet it
would help you to taste different ways of eating so that you can
your own lifestyle and then it's just a part of yourself like right now I don't
need to talk to the glass anymore because it's kind of part of me so
obviously I would lose that because it's practice but if I do it for five minutes
with someone it comes back same thing as talking to women like you can see it as
being an exercise that you have to do daily and just keep improving but if you
see it that way then you can slack off and start at level 0 where whereas when
it's as we teach it when it becomes a lifestyle that is just part of yourself
it's more kind of an inner game change I really like that it's like stepping into
somebody else's shoes because I've noticed most of my clients on boot camps
they need to expand their expressiveness they're just not expressive they live in
this little bubble right where with their tonality it only goes so much up
so much down with their body language it's like this little you know it's just
here instead of being here at times and one way to work on that even while in
isolation is just pick somebody pick somebody who's charismatic and try to be
like them for a day or even for five minutes like give us a speech I get in
film it and start talking as if you were that person and it'll just help you
expand expand your tonality expand your expressiveness your energy and you might
like it you might feel you're gonna feel different so you might be like wow I
didn't know I could do that I didn't know I could be that expressive I didn't
know I could be that funny or whatever yeah and not even not even try to
imitate how they speak you and literally imitated their body language their eye
contact how they smile how you know how they present themselves their jokes
their moves if they're dense try to imitate how they dance so that's where I
wanted to go with you know when I was a kid I didn't speak to people but when I
was by myself or with my parents or whatever I would always I love to just
imitate and just play the clown just imitate try to be someone I'm not and
that's something that I kept for myself until I had got the confidence to
release it and when I was able to do it in public then you know you just become
naturally the center of attention because you've had all those
personalities that you have built within yourself that you can just start talking
so again don't underestimate what we're saying
now it's literally the secret to become a magnet to become magnetic in
conversation it's it has more to do with what happens in your brain and how you
see yourself then you know knowing what to say and how to say it it's it's more
about yourself the other thing too which is kind of obvious is like dancing
learning how to dance even if you don't pick a specific practice for dance like
a specific style that you commit to learning how to actually just move in
rhythm in your own way is so powerful like I'm a really good dancer if you
guys haven't noticed but when I have students or I definitely many people's
toes damn I remember that you know students or friends are like oh
I can't dance like that you don't have to dance like that
the reason why I dance like this is because I just moved and I didn't give a
shit where people thought and then I just got really good at it because I
practiced it a lot because I didn't care it's that one little pride thing in a
nightclub right like I care what people think if I move and you're there to like
let loose right like a lot of guys forget that but on top of that like tons
of YouTube videos to learn how to dance in anywhere you want you know you got
tons of time now what dancing also does is it connects you to your body more
connects you to your feelings more so even if you're not dancing it's going to
make you more charismatic because you're so much more connected and in tune with
yourself and what you're saying feel what you're saying more like charisma
big thing about charisma is like I feel what I say because if you can't feel
what you're saying what you say it's deadpan I'm a DJ and I've been I mean I
love going to techno parties all sorts of shows but you can see DJ's that
they're playing amazing music but their Energy's dead and so is the dancefloor
right they can be playing the most incredible music mixing technically an
amazing everything but if they're not connected their cells usually the dance
floor is very very very dead so it's really being connected to the feeling of
what you're saying what you're doing is well and dancing really helps with that
hey man go ahead and check out part three of this podcast where we dive
deeper and how to be charismatic and how to access that flow state where it's
just like everything you say everything you do just works and
you're your best most charismatic confident self
so check out part 3 by watching the video down below my name is mater too
simple in the attractive man and I'll see you in the next video in part 3