- Heya playa, making eye contact with another person
can be really difficult to do
especially if you feel nervous around them.
There are a few techniques though
that will help you work past your fear
to make eye contact feel more natural,
comfortable, and possible and I'll share those with you
right after this.
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- The first thing you may be wondering is
why is eye contact important?
How does looking into someone's eye
show them that I'm paying more attention to them?
Well by maintaining eye contact,
you're showing the other person
that you're confident enough to focus on them as they speak
it really plays more into this whole respect idea.
I remember that when I was younger
and I used to go to religion classes
the nun would always say,
"If you're not looking at me, you're not listening to me,"
which isn't exactly true, but it just shows
that people think that eye contact means respect for them.
There are many different ways to
better your eye contact with someone
but what I think you should start practicing on
is doing it when you're listening to someone
rather than speaking to them.
Speaking to someone and holding eye contact
might be a bit overwhelming for you
because you're juggling two tasks.
But if you're listening to someone
you're only dealing with one, so it becomes easier to focus
on making eye contact with them.
If someone's talking to you for example,
give them the respect of listening to what they have to say
but in your mind try to really focus on
holding down eye contact while they're speaking.
And I know you might be thinking,
but if I'm looking at them for too long
while they're speaking, they're gonna think it's weird.
But chances are if you're looking at them
while they're speaking, they're gonna see that
as you showing them a sign of respect.
If it's looking someone directly in the eyes
that makes you feel nervous,
try to focus on the bridge between their eyes instead,
or you can look at their nose or even just focus on
one specific eye at a time.
One technique that I've grown accustomed to using
with people that helps me maintain eye contact
and build somewhat of a connection with them
is called the triangular gaze.
What this technique basically is
is you shifting the focus of your attention
from one eye over to the next and then over to the mouth.
And then continuing this triangular pattern
over and over as you talk to them.
Using this technique might help give you something
to focus on as you're looking at them,
plus it'll make you appear way more confident
'cause it'll look like you're taking all of them in
as you're looking at them.
So what about when it's you talking
and you wanna maintain eye contact
but you're afraid you're gonna keep looking away
and that's gonna make you look weird
so what do you do?
First let's talk a little bit about
how it appears to the other person.
When you're constantly looking away
it can make you appear less confident to them.
First, let's talk about how it appears to the other person
when you're constantly looking away from them.
Take this for example, I think The Josh Speaks
has the potential to hit a million subscribers
one day, I really do,
that's what it looks like if I maintain
eye contact while I'm speaking.
Versus, I think The Josh Speaks has the potential
to hit a million subscribers one day, I really do.
Even when I'm saying the exact same thing
just constantly looking away makes it seem
like I'm way less secure about what I'm actually saying.
So what should you do?
One technique that I've learned over the years
is to slow down what you're saying.
Sometimes when you're speaking way too fast
it's easier to get jumbled in your words
and that can cause you to lose focus in making eye contact.
I'm also incredibly weird, so sometimes I like to have
imaginary eye contact contests with people
where I try to hold eye contact with them
longer than they're holding it with me.
They have no clue that it's going on
but it helps me maintain it for some weird reason.
And simply doing this to try to hold out longer than them
makes me completely forget about any potential awkwardness
or weirdness in just looking at them to begin with.
And speaking of too long, how long is too long
to hold eye contact with someone?
Three seconds? Five seconds? 10 seconds?
There really isn't a magically correct number here
if you're really engaged with someone in a conversation
you can hold eye contact as long as
the two of you feel comfortable doing it.
And if you do find that you're breaking eye contact easily,
it's probably because you're self-conscious thoughts
are implanting the idea that making eye contact
with someone is wrong, but listen up self-conscious thoughts
it's not, it's simply part of how we communicate.
But what if making eye contact runs deeper for you
and it's just too hard to actually do?
People with Autism or Anxiety Disorders
might feel like the advice I'm sharing
is just too hard to act on.
So what should you do?
In situations like that, there's absolutely nothing wrong
with telling the other person,
"Hey, sometimes making eye contact is hard for me to do,
it'll be easier for me to look away while I listen,
if that's cool with you."
Being straight forward and honest here
will make things a whole lot clearer.
Plus it'll make you look way more confident
because you're being real with them
and that's something that people highly admire.
What do you think though?
Is it hard for you make eye contact with other people?
Leave your comments below and we'll talk about it.
Look, it's not easy to always maintain eye contact
with people that are strangers, or your crushes,
or even just someone that's older than you.
Even I have trouble sometimes holding
eye contact with people, so you're not alone.
So make sure to share your experiences in the comments below
other people are also dealing with this
and we're all trying to work together
to figure out a solution to help one another
be our best selves.
As always guys, love and peace.