grew up in a Muslim home and weekly we
would go to class to learn about the
Quran or we would learn how to read and
write in arabic I learned how to pray
and 13 years I mean I was I was a pretty
good student they would have books and
teach us about Mohammed his life and
what the Quran really means and what
what he who Mohammed was and who what he
actually meant in Islam and I got to the
point where I learned how to recite the
first 11 suras of the Quran I was
praying I was fasting since I was seven
years old I began fasting I was your
model Muslim girl I was a good little
muslim girl so as I grew older I started
wondering I would read the Quran when I
became a teenager I started reading the
Quran on my own and still didn't really
get it and because and then you ask
there's no one to ask I'm a female I'm
not allowed to ask this yeah he's a man
but he's the authority but he's a man so
it's a vicious cycle there so as I
picked up the Quran and started learning
on my own just reading it just seems so
confusing to me I didn't understand why
how we were living was not the way to
could armed with actually said the crime
said one thing how we were living is
another thing how other people
interpreted it to me was even a third
thing I was always afraid afraid to do
this afraid to do that afraid it was
like kind of like having OCD I just
you're afraid to do this with your right
hand you're say to do that with your
left hand because it might mean
something here might mean something
there it was just like madness when I
was 16 I had run away from home
I could not take the being caged like an
animal not allowed to think on my own
not allowed to do anything on my own
after to be my own human person to make
my own decisions and live with the
decisions that I make I left home but a
friend of my mother to make sure that I
was safe while I was away she put me
with a Pentecostal family's this family they
they loved God and I was amazed at how
they smiled all day long how what was it
why would they smile from the time they
woke up to the time you laid their head
down smiles they talked about love all
the time they talked about how jesus
loves me and I love I didn't there's no
love you know loves me jesus loves me no
one ever loved me I mean I'm a female I
never saw where love existed in the
Quran so I stayed with this family for
about three weeks and I ended ended up
back home
the family gathered around because now
I'm back home and the only question that
everyone had both male and female not
did you eat were you okay did you sleep
well did anyone hurt you it was are you
still a virgin and of course I am at the
time but I just couldn't believe I was
completely outdone and just
flabbergasted that no one could care
anything about me as a human being just
my virginity I lost all respect for
the entire family and wanted to seek
something elsewhere as far as
cuz i continued still continue to read
the Quran to try to gain understanding i
had already made my break at home could
not tolerate any any other anymore I
needed to go out and seek who I really
am and I visited Church with friends
they'd invite me I'd go but no one ever
really sat down and talked to me about
Jesus I would just go and say it's a
nice place to be sure I'll go to church
with you and so I'll just pay attention
to everything except the part where
Jesus is the Son of God so everything
else I'll absorb it was that part I'll
just close off to one morning I
woke up and I heard a voice tell me to
go to church and I looked around and I
said what and I would look to see
whether his voice was coming from they
heard the voice again go to church I
knew it was God somehow telling me to go
to get out of where I was a
and I called everyone I knew that went
to church and I found one person of my
entire phone book was going to church
and said sure come on meet me at this
certain street and then we will go
together so I went to this church and it
was a huge church and it was it was
really nice everyone looked so happy to
go marching Wanda ready to go to church
they were happy with their families and
toe and I just thought it was awesome to
see everybody just so happy going to go
someplace together and worship together
i SAT there and then I said okay I'm
here Lord now what I didn't hear
anything so I was kind of like wondering
what was going on because my life
depended on my being in a church that
day that's how I felt so the following
week I went to another church with a
friend and we SAT there and it wasn't
what the preacher was saying it wasn't
what the choir was singing all of a
sudden just out of nowhere it's like my
eyes were open and my heart was open and
my fear it was open and my soul was open
and I could see with new eyes and it was
like it was showered unto me this that did
I believe that Jesus was Son of God
that he's Lord and the filling
when we was so awesome it was it was
just if I had believed my entire life
that very moment I tried even a force
myself not to believe I couldn't I
couldn't I could not unbelieve.. I believe
and that's all there was to it so I told
a friend afterwards
I mean I believe in Jesus Christ and
they look to how wonderful it to the
total about this church and how they
baptize you right on the spot if you
want if I'm going to wait till next week
and now here's the fear someone's a
little and you just you believe and
you're gonna wait a week but if
something happens to you don't get
baptized what are you going to do I was
like oh my god what to do so the whole
week now fear here fear is it is a
factor that has followed in my life and
like the entire week I was very careful
what I ate was what I wear walked what I
did how I slept and until I could get to
this sunday morning when I showed up as
early as possible i SAT and waited I
waited why they had sunday school I
waited while those a lot of the choir
saying I waited well while the the
preacher preached all I wanted to do was
get to the end where they asked if you
wanted to come to the Lord and I wanted
to get baptized because you know that's
what Christians do to get baptized so
this is my thinking so I waited and
waited so I was ready to his had an
altar call they opened the doors of the
church so the whoever once accept Jesus
can come forward I was sitting there and
I was stuck to my chair I couldn't get
up and then I heard the pastor say don't
let the devil hold you back in your seat
he is a liar you know and all of a
sudden I came unglued
and I went I walked and I walked up to
the church and I went to where they rip
to the receiving hands of the people who
who led me to where I needed to go to
the baptism as I went behind this wall
away the fear to a baptisma area
I went up maybe three steps and I heard
the voice of the enemy I heard him say
don't go up those stairs you can't do
this you can't go up there you can't you
have to be a Muslim you're going to
they're going to come and kill you you
cannot do this you don't belong to him
you belong to me you can't do this and I
was shaking shaking and all of a sudden
I heard it over and I heard a voice tell
me... Walk by Faith , I analyze each word the
word walk you're walking by Faith
what is the faith that went up there and
I waited to get baptized and I didn't
know that anything about that cuz all I
knew is I had to do it I'm just being
obedient and I have to do it and anyway
they took me down and I went to for it
you got baptized full submersion and when I
know that they take you only God for a
brief moment and you're up again but
when I went down in the water I felt as
if I had been asleep....
took a long time and woke up so refreshed
like a brand new human being and
I didn't know until later they didn't
know anything about the Bible I didn't
know that it was in the Bible second
Corinthians third chapter said Walk by Faith n
not by Sight... I knew I did not and
later I learned about was whether it
says come ye who are heavy laden and I
will give you rest that's the rest that
I I didn't know what that was any know
anything with but that's the rest
that I still I've never had any rest
like that God's rest that is there's nothing
like it earthly rest is different than
Godly rest I had always felt the
tugging at man has some way
back I just didn't know which add me to
take so God legging himself he called me
she called it unto himself he revealed
himself to me
I was obedient I would have been asking
been seeking just for the truth that's
all I've ever wanted was the truth and I
just would ask God I beg you please just
show me just tell me what what it is
that I'm supposed to do and he said he
called me who led me and then I was
baptized and then eventually I was
ravenous for the word of God but it was
there was a point where I didn't know
how to read the Bible I would just read
it like a book on the beginning and but
it was professing to me and I would went
crying to the to the pastor because I
said you know when Jesus I want to know
Jesus I want to know Jesus really where
they know him who he is and he looked at
me he was not just like always okay he's
still feel kind and so loving and so
gentle he showed me told me about the
new testament I didn't know what a new
testament or an old testament was all I
know that I had a Bible in i Handed
I know the answers were there and I
understood that he was our Savior that
he came and took us in the way he came
and took our place where I should have
been nailed to that cross he did it for
me he is who was my adha my sacrifice
he was he sacrificed himself for me he
sacrificed himself for all of us each
and every single human being and that
God loves each and every one of us good
bad or ugly he was the fall there is no
respecter God does not love a man over a
woman for a woman over a man a child
over an adult he loves us all equally
and that's
something I could be happy with and
satisfied and something I believe deep
down in my soul reach down it with every
fiber of my being that God loves us all
I want to reach out to everyone and say
it's okay it's okay i want to share this
feeling of love with living with you I
want to share i want you to experience I
don't want all this joy for myself I
want to spread it out there and to give
it to everyone for the
if you if you if someone is an
unbeliever I'm a Muslim brothers and
sisters you don't have to hear what I
have to say or what anyone else has to
say that's God yourself sit down along
speak to Him he's a big God we serve a very big
God he doesn't need other human being to
do his handiwork for him he can do
everything at his own but he chooses to
use us he chooses to use me and I'm
willing and willing to be used to show
to free someone from
bondage from the from the
chains the same chains that I was
bound with the same the same fear that I
was gripped with I'd learned to see
things differently here it's an evil
spirit and God is not didn't did not
give me a spirit of fear that is a
spirit that came from the past God
removed all of them I never have to fear
anything or anyone I'm not afraid of God
I fear him for being the awesome mighty
creator but I'm not afraid of Him said
to take on his yoke because it's easy
take a take on our burden that we put on
our our burdens that we put on ourselves
when I would say that I was born and
raised as a Muslim it's not because I
chose it I didn't willingly choose it
it's just it just was you're just born
into it you're born and you get the only
way there's only reason why I would call
myself a Muslim
somebody on their mother
and father muslim were looking great great
grandparents were muslim not because we
chose it because if you're born into
that family's just like I'm born into
the name of this family that you know my
family name I was he born into it but to
willingly make that choice for yourself
that I willingly choose God I willingly
choose i repented on my sin and I willingly
would give my life over to Jesus Christ I
really let let God take control of my
life instead of letting man take control
of my life that I willingly let myself
go of all these burdens and just take
and just be at peace with God you'll
feel so free so peaceful your mind will
be at peace your heart will be at peace
your home will be peace there's an inner piece
of you can be surrounded with a ton
of people many in a crowd and just all
this commotion around you and you could
just sit back and be at peace in knowing
that God is in control
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