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High school- the place where you do the majority of your maturing.
An evolutionary hotbox of hormones, feelings, social pressures, and a million other cues
where your body and mind all go through the most intense changes you'll ever experience
in your life.
College- the place where your newly adult mind is minted with the greater ideas of civilization,
where you are taught the finer points of humanity and elevated from the mud and muck to the
lofty heights of mathematics, art, and history, and the place that will financially cripple
you for the first two decades of your adult life.
Today we're putting high school up against college, to determine an ultimate winner on
which can ruin your life harder.
Compulsory education was adopted in the United States in the early 20th century, in response
to a growing need for a specialized and educated workforce.
Up until then most jobs made do with apprenticeships, and the lack of an interconnected world required
very little from individual workers.
During the industrial revolution though, technology began to advance in leaps and bounds, and
countries around the world soon realized that their children needed the basic fundamentals
of an education which up until then, had been a luxury reserved mostly for the wealthy.
Today all children in the US must attend grade school through to high school, graduating
with a diploma in their twelfth year.
For those unable to complete their education, or forced to drop out, GED programs exist
to help certify that they have received a basic high school education and are the minimum
entry requirements for most non-technical jobs.
Curriculums in high school tend to include basic US and world history, physical fitness,
mathematics, and introductory sciences such as biology and physics.
Modern colleges are the evolution of the prestigious education afforded to only the most select
individuals at specialized academies of various types.
While some academies taught a well-rounded curriculum, many had specializations in specific
subjects such as mathematics or the arts, and you might be expected to receive an education
at several institutions before being considered a true professional of your field.
Nowadays college degree programs have been streamlined and consolidated so that applicants
typically only need to attend a single location to fulfill all the requirements of their degrees.
With the explosion in technical jobs across the global jobs sector, a strong emphasis
on a college education has seen more college graduates than at any other time in human
history, while at the same time traditional trade schools which teach only a very select
education- what would have traditionally been an apprenticeship- are on the decline.
With advancements in robotics and artificial intelligence, it's estimated that trade schools
will only continue to decline, as a need for human laborers shrinks until eventually being
non-existent.
So in one corner we have the place where you will hit all of your most important developmental
years, the building you will be incarcerated in for four years while evolution hits you
full-force in the face with everything it's got and puts you through the weirdest changes
you'll experience in your life.
In the other corner we have the place that is supposed to mature your ways of thinking
but will really only serve as a deeply depressing introduction into adulthood and ruin your
finances for decades to come.
Which can do a better job of ruining your life?
Who can win this epic death match to utterly crush your human spirit?
High school comes out strong right out of the gate with quite a few obvious strengths
in this fight.
For starters this is the place where your body will experience its major changes from
childhood to adulthood, and that opens up the opportunity for high school to humiliate
you in dozens of incredible ways.
For one, your voice is going to start cracking as your vocal chords mature, and in the high-pressure
social darwinism that is high school, nothing is going to ruin your life worse than having
your voice suddenly turn into a mickey mouse type high pitch squeak, as literally everyone
in the entire world laughs at you.
As your body changes you're going to start experiencing other kinds of weird and awesomely
humiliating things as well, which high school will ruthlessly exploit to crush your spirit.
For girls, you've probably already been getting your period, but some of you will have no
clue what a period is as you're a late bloomer.
While this is a perfectly normal situation, the moment other girls realize you haven't
gotten your period yet they are going to tease you mercilessly, and your self-esteem will
plummet as you think of yourself as nothing more than a little baby, not a girl on her
way to being a woman.
Ouch!
That one's gonna leave some lifelong psychological trauma!
But wait, because high school is also typically when your breasts start developing, and you're
going to have to juggle feelings of inadequacy if they grow too slow or too little, or feelings
of shame and embarrassment if they grow too much or too fast!
Ladies, high school just dealt your soul a one-two punch of epic proportions.
But the guys aren't getting off any easier.
High school marks your first introduction to body hair, and it's going to start coming
in everywhere and it's going to start smelling- a fact many of you will take a while to realize.
Before high school body deodorant was only optional, and now it's mandatory, but it'll
take you a while to catch on.
Meanwhile you're going to be getting called stinky behind your back and won't find out
until you overhear a bunch of people laughing at you over your BO.
Some of you though won't be getting much body hair, or it'll be coming late, and that's
going to just crush your self-esteem as you consider yourself a little boy and not a growing
man.
Once you leave high school you'll realize that literally nobody cares about body hair
and it's in no way a big deal, but for those crucial four years you'll be considered a
baby that isn't maturing as fast as everyone else, and let's face it that's enough excuse
for other high schoolers to tease you into oblivion.
But wait, because it gets better- you're going to start getting erections now, completely
randomly, and completely out of your control.
That's right, high school is bonertown, population you, and they're going to come fast and- on
second thought, we’re not gonna finish that sentence.
The point is, your random erections are going to give high school all kinds of opportunities
to ruin your soul by putting you in hugely embarrassing situations.
Your self-esteem is going to get crushed as kids laugh at your completely out of control
and unintended erection, even while they're ignoring the fact that they have the same
problem because yay hormones.
High school kids are vicious, and that intense mix of hormones and social darwinism is a
ruthless cocktail that can kill your self-esteem and give you issues for life, this fight looks
one-sided, and high school may be the clear winner for the battle to wreck your soul.
But wait, because college is up next and it's coming fast out of the gate with some knockout
punches of its own!
College can't compete with high school in crushing your self-esteem with bodily changes,
as most of you will have completed all of maturity by then- physically anyways.
Mentally you're still babies, but that's something you won't learn until you leave college and
enter the real world for the first time.
Instead of humiliating you, college will work to simply crush your will to live and joy
for life directly.
At first college seems like a dream come true- you're finally out of the house and on your
own for the first time.
You're mostly independent, nobody forces you to go to class or do your homework, and there's
no more curfew or restrictions for weekends, or weeknights either for that matter!
How could college be that bad?
Well, you may not have a curfew anymore, but you do have seven AM classes.
Every day.
For years.
And with nobody to force you to be in bed by ten, odds are it's going to take you a
loooong time to develop the discipline to get to bed at a decent time, so for months
you're going to be showing up to 7 am classes on three or four hours of sleep.
And then just to rub it in, your next class won't be scheduled for two hours after that
one gets out, which is just enough free time to... do nothing.
You can't go back to your dorm room and sleep because by the time you get there and fall
asleep you'll have to be back up and out the door.
You'll end up with a total dead spot right in the middle of your day, a total waste of
time which could be filled with classes so you could get out two hours earlier in the
evening and have time to do homework, study, and relax- but no.
You get nothing, for two hours.
You get to go sit on the grass somewhere and try to read a book while you pretend it's
not eating you alive that this is a completely mismanaged waste of time.
Just like adult life.
But hey, you'll eventually get your sleep schedule in order and discipline yourself-
just in time for your college classes to ramp up dramatically and leave you with so much
work to do and so many exams that you don't get to sleep anyways!
When will you ever in your entire life need to call upon the knowledge gained by doing
a ten page paper- single spaced- on the mating habits of galapagos tortoises?
Who knows!
Who cares!
Paper's due at 7 AM tomorrow, get to work!
Maybe you think high school is still in the lead for the battle to crush your human spirit,
but it only shows you haven't been to college yet.
That's because you'll soon start to realize that three quarters of your classes have absolutely
nothing to do with your major, and only exist to fulfill a total BS requirement for a degree
as dictated by state and federal law!
Requirements by the way which were shaped by the very educational institutions which
profit by forcing you to take all those extra classes.
Want to be a journalist or creative writer and get a fine arts degree?
Here's six semesters of mandatory mathematics and science classes you have to take in order
to get your degree, because if you didn't then your college experience would be about
half as long and they would only get away with charging you half as much!
As the reality of your mounting student loans begins to manifest in your life and you get
closer to graduation, and having to pay those loans off, the true evil genius powers of
college to crush the human soul will become clearer.
High school may have the power to humiliate, but college has the power to destroy your
finances, literally steal food out of your mouth through student loan payments, and annihilate
your self-esteem as you're forced to move back home at 26 because your loans make it
impossible to live on your own.
And with that, we're declaring College the clear winner of this epic Who Would Win episode!
High school may be rough on the self-esteem, but ultimately all that high school can do
is tease you until you cry alone on a saturday night because nobody invited you to the cool
kid's party.
College will destroy your entire life financially until you're crying at home alone in your
parents basement every single Saturday night because you can't afford to leave the house.
In this battle between evil superpowers for your soul, college easily chews you up and
spits you out, leaving you a broken shell of fading hope.
What about you?
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Which do you think should really win this matchup for your spirit- college or high school?
Why or why not?
Let us know in the comments!
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epic matchups!