You ever feel like every day of your life
has been leading up to one moment?
The wedding of the century live on "Morning Mimosa"!
[gasp] Look how nervous the groom looks.
Wait, this is a hamster wedding?
Oh, here comes the bride.
She's radiant-- - [squeaks]
--like Kate Middleton at Westminster Abbey.
This is so stupid.
The show is all fluff, no substance.
Your mom prefers fluff.
It makes her happy.
But there's so much real news out there.
I feel like I get all I need from "Morning Mimosa."
And I start my day with a smile.
And that smile takes me all the way to my 4:00 PM OxyContin.
You need to expand your mind.
There's a lot of real news out there.
But you need to seek it out.
Seek the truth!
The truth will set you free.
Hey, who are you?
Mom needs to get out of her bubble.
And end up like you?
Look what real news has done to you.
Excuse me.
- Those scowl lines. - Sir?
Mom looks 20 years younger than you.
- Sir! - 20 years younger.
Well, I'm 19.
WOMAN (ON TV): I now pronounce you hampster and wife.
Haley, I have something to tell you.
But it can't leave this room.
Last weekend, I was at that hamster's
bachelor party in Key West.
And he-- oh, my god.
I can't believe I'm betraying his trust.
He was not faithful.
You missed my birthday dinner for a hamster bachelor party?