one of the most beautiful places you
learn something about parenting in the
Quran will be Surat Yusuf and with in
Surat Yusuf specifically Yahoo Valley
his salon all over the Quran he is
mentioned as a role model parent yaqoob
alehissallaam is mentioned as a role
model parent you know Yusuf are they
Salaam young boy sees a dream you all
know the story right young boy he sees a
dream it disturbs him who does he go
talk to in the Quran and goes talk to
his dad
you ever see a teenage boy 12 year old
13 year old 11 year old even maybe nine
ten sees a dream something bothered him
first person he goes to talk to his his
dad anything small goes wrong in your
life especially a boy and you say maybe
I should talk to dad about this is that
what you normally do if it's a really
big problem maybe you'll go talk to your
mom and when you do the first thing
you'll tell her is don't tell Dad but
and then you'll talk about whatever it
is you have to talk about the fact that
Yusuf alehissalaam went and spoke to his
father is already teaching father's a
huge deal he has some kind of
relationship with his child by virtue of
which no matter how disturbed the child
may be and the problem may be big or
small in this case the problem isn't
even a matter of reality it's the matter
of a dream but whatever problem comes up
I should be able to talk to my dad no
matter what I should be able to talk to
him my daughter my eldest when she was
in preschool she goes to preschool she
comes home one day and she comes and
she's like three and a half four years
old she comes home she goes to me Abba
Yusuf is so funny some kid named Yusuf
in the class he sounds like who's Yusuf
tell me everything you know who's
yourself and my wife's ID from a corner
of her eye and she goes no mom can't
talk to you for a second and I came over
said what is it would you stay quiet
and she took her and she and then she
talked my wife talked to me later she
said listen you don't think your child
can see that you're getting upset I was
like yeah I'm sure she could if she sees
that you're getting upset next time when
it comes to telling you anything about
what happens in class will she open her
mouth or keep it shut she keep it shut
she won't say anything she's gonna hide
things from you and it'll be your fault
because you look like you got upset it's
entirely your fault you can't close that
door honor you have to just listen it's
harmless she's three years old four
years old what's the big deal relax calm
down especially fathers guys especially
fathers you come home from a long day of
work you sit at home and all you want to
do is nothing just wanna watch TV
flip the channels watch news watch where
the Dow Jones Industrial Average you
want to check what's going on in the
world even though you won't remember any
of it
nor do you care but this is your form of
entertainment and your kid comes over
your five-year-old comes over dad look
what I made look what I did
dad play with me come on let's do
something let's play tag and they're
talking to you talking to you talking to
you what are you doing could you leave
me alone trying to watch the mountains
and you'll Kozma can you a potty bar can
you get rid of him please I just came
home from work I need some peace I don't
need to hear this don't you have toys I
want you go play with those same child
ten years later he's 15 years old and
you're picking him up from school and
you say so son how was your day Oh
what'd you do uh did you talk to any
friends maybe what are you gonna go
later somewhere what are you gonna do oh
they won't talk to you and then you've
got my come tell the Imam they you know
did my kid doesn't talk to me yeah you
didn't talk to him
you didn't talk to him all this time you
didn't have time you didn't create a
relationship first how is it going to
just come out of nowhere it doesn't and
those are the ages by the way 10 11 12
13 those are the critical ages at those
ages you know before then parent
children are most obsessed with making
their parents proud doesn't even matter
what religion you're from this is just
pure sight child psychology young
children just want to make their parents
proud they want to show their parents
what they've done the biggest source of
influence to them is their parents
there's some serious trouble headed your
way I bring up so that use of because at
a young age is already showing respect
and open communication that's critical
for both parent and child how many of us
are having dinner every night with our
children and when you do sit and have
dinner how many of us actually talking
to our kids actually talking to our kids
you know in the age of cell phones and
texting and all this other stuff and
cognitive dissonance you can't even
carry a real conversation with another
human being let alone your children but
we have to become good listeners
especially the fathers especially the
fathers the moms naturally Allah has
given them certain gifts like parenting
comes more naturally to a mother Allah
has given her that gift he just makes
her nurturing soft caring concerned just
naturally fathers have to work on it
you're sitting at home your child falls
down who gets up immediately who does
that the father no father should never
pick yourself up child
dust it off nothing nothing that's
nothing don't worry about it
that's a little bit of blood mom will go
crazy it's natural to her I'm telling
the fathers here if we want our children
to be raised in Islam the first thing we
need to be is their best friend
and that takes work it takes serious
work parents here fathers here you but
you guys have to get in shape
I'm serious you have to get in shape not
for yourself for your kids you come only
your kids want to play with you and you
just about pick me up throw me around do
this you do a little bit of Daniel a of
us got a lie down hold on yeah that's
not how you raise kids you know taking
our kids hiking playing sports with them
taking in the backyard even if they're
playing video games play video games
with them play with them you know play
the Wii with them Bowl wit I don't care
it just does do stuff with your kids
it's a critical part of opening barriers
so they can talk to you about anything
because I'm telling you when they reach
a certain age the need to talk to
someone will always be there you would
rather that person be you not some
non-muslim friend who will give
non-muslim kinds of advice last comment
I'll make with you
Jakub are they his Salaam sons messed up
pretty bad
they didn't just mess up his car right
they didn't just break the kitchen sink
they didn't do some minor damage they
left their brother in the woods that's
pretty big these guys come into the
house before Jakub are they said I'm
showing him a fake blooded shirt what
does he do
oh you know what I was expecting if you
don't know the story and you get to that
point you're like oh ho this is gonna be
bad these guys are gonna get it what
comes next
falafel and Jimmy I'm just gonna find
beauty in patience when I read that as a
father I could not understand it he
knows they're lying he says I'm going to
have southern why the question is why
did Quran tell
that it's a really important question
because he's a really really really
intelligent father we learned that from
the beginning of the surah he knows his
kids very very well they haven't even
planned against Yusuf yet but he said
watch out they might plan against you
did he call it
he called it like a play he called it
because he knows his kids so he also
knows there are times when yelling at
your children will make things worse and
the only thing you can do is patience
this is one of those times yelling at
them will not do any good the only thing
left is patience Sabo and Jamil there's
an age your children reach where all you
can do is have someone and make lots and
lots and lots of dua and then somebody
will come up to me at the end of the
speech and say brother
I've been doing some but it's been like
three days I've been doing suffer
nothing has changed
you can't put a timer on your supper
guys yacouba's a salon has suffered does
it pay off eventually do those kids
eventually come around by Allah's grace
they do right
does it happen the next week six months
from then a year from then two years and
then ten years from it happens a while
later right
just trust a lion half southern at a
certain point these are some basic
teachings of a las book these aren't
just stories these are the best of all
stories why because every little bit of
this story has things that makes my life
better