You know that feeling when no one's cancelled for tonight
so you have to go out?
[sobbing] [Bach's 'Toccata and Fugue in D minor' plays]
Ooh, this color is nice.
Yeah, staying in is the new going out - you heard me, I'm not wrong.
But anyway, what's worse than having committed to leaving your house for the evening is stalking your ex.
Stop. Stalking. Your. Ex.
I know I'm one to talk. I am guilty of stalking all of my exes.
Even the ones that I no longer care about anymore. Sometimes I do it just to be like:
"Oh my gosh, I'm so glad that's over."
"Oh, and he got rid of that ugly couch, good for him!"
Sometimes, I do it to remind myself of how far I've come.
I've been alone for a long time.
You'll get this joke the third time you watch it.
But six months ago, I did it how most of us do it.
As a form of torture, as a way to hang on to the past and pine
And reinforce all of my terrible feelings.
And it's like, why are we doing this to ourselves?!
What could you possibly find that would make you feel better?
Okay, maybe like a clutch cat meme but like what else?
Do you think you're gonna find a video of them saying that they miss you?
A subtweet that indicates that they've made a horrible mistake?
A Facebook post reminiscing on an old photo of you both?
No, because no-one uses Facebook anymore except for event planning,
which is why I avoid it at all costs.
[sobbing] Why did I click attending? Why did I even log on?
I thought Facebook was this desolate place for our parents and relics from another time!
If they wanted to reach out, they would.
If they wanted to be with you, they would.
But they don't, and they're not.
And you need to stop checking their social media.
And I'm only making this video because now I am tired of torturing myself
So I'm holding you and me accountable and we're just not gonna do it anymore.
"But Anna, I only check my ex's page when I --"
No! Stalking your ex is like drinking poison and expecting them to die.
Not only is it stupid, but clearly you don't know how poison works, because guess what?
Poison's bad!
If stalking your ex on social media was poison, would'ya still do it?
- [sobs] Why did you keep refreshing? [sob] Why?
- [coughs] [wheeze] I knew that I shouldn't. But he curated such solid memes.
- [cries] - [cough] [phlegm-y cough]
I think it's time for me to go.
- I don't want you to go. - [wheeze] I have one last request.
- Anything!
- When I die...
...please donate my bones to dogs.
- Wait, what? - I just wanna be with good boys.
I just want my final resting place to be...
with good boys.
[long exhale]
[sobbing]Wow this is taking a long time.
[confused sobs]
[exhale continues] Oh wait it's not done.
For real though. I mean, we donate our organs to humans
So like why don't we donate our bones to dogs?
Anyway, just don't stalk your ex.
It extends your grief, prevents your healing
and reinforces your neural pathways in a pattern of rumination which causes depression and anxiety.
Plus, I mean we're all showing our best face on social media
so you're misinterpreting something through a lens that is already very biased and skewed.
I could go on and on, but we know it's a bad idea.
So let's just stop torturing ourselves, okay?
Block, mute, unfollow, unlike, unsubscribe, undo, undo, undo.
I'm Anna Akana, we're gonna get through this, baby.
Also thank you to ExpressVPN for sponsoring today's video.
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People are constantly trying to hack into my accounts whether it's social media sites
my bank, or my iCloud.
Spoiler alert, hackers! The only pussy pics I have on there are my five cats.
And secondly, I travel a lot for work
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Or just use the internet if I'm in a country with an oppressive government
that doesn't allow me to access information
[cough] China.
But VPNs also provide a variety of services
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and online anonymity in case you do want to keep stalking.
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Take back your privacy today.
And don't stalk your ex, I was just kidding. Don't do it.