Hi guys
It's Tana Mongeau. Welcome to my channel or welcome back to my channel. Today is a really big step for us because I finally got some ideas
Spray tans, us Tanimals. I have a lot of ideas in this life
And I normally think about them and then I don't execute them because I'm a failure and a joke of an adult! Because of that
problem, I've had a lot of ideas to make series on my youtube channel
and I just never get around to it
And I just end up filming "How to Cake Your Face Like a Pro 37"
like it doesn't.. Five or six months ago. Wow this is like the longest I've ever done anything
I think the longest relationship I've ever had is with this video idea. Like five or six month ago. Right, that is correct.
Like five or six months ago
Is that English? Five or six months ago. It sounds crazy.
Ok we get it five to six months ago
So like five or six months ago
\
So like five or six months ago
outrageous s**t. And for the longest time, I constantly would just be like
flabbergasted at the outrageous things that my friends say like five or six months ago
I wouldn't really do anything with the information, and then one day it dawned upon me with the Bill Nye the Science Guy brain that I
possess, that I was going to start writing down every single
outrageous thing that occured every five to six months
started saying. Well, everyone I stalked in my life got their own separate little folder in my notes app. So like Trevor,
Ashley, Trump, Jordan, Stalin, Hitler,
RIght, right, right, right, right, right, *Screams*
I just took the fucking Saint Tropez off my nipples
That's one! Literally, Ashley just walked into the room in a robe, covering her tits saying "I just took the Saint
Tropez off my nipples." Like, normal people don't speak like this, okay! That's kind of the point of this whole video
I started writing down all of the outrageous things that each of my friends
crazy things happen to me and it's wierd so I make them up too with my Bill nye the science guy brain
outrageous things that they've said. So, yeah, this is gonna end up being like a five or six month series
I only have like five or six friends
ya know. Where one by one everyone sits down
And I read them the outrageous things that they've said and so I decided that for the first episode of this series
I would have the most
Single-handed outrageous person on this list, the person with by far the worst
statements that have been written down, the person with by far the most, my best friend Trevor.
What's crazy is Trevor and I have been best friends for literally almost two years now,
and we have literally sat down to try to film YouTube videos like hundreds of times! We have filmed so many (Hundreds of times)
Hundreds of times! We have filmed so many successful YouTube videos, and then we lose the footage, we just like don't edit it,
we just like go on drinking binges,
we've never gotten around to actually filming a video together on my main channel
which I think is absolutely insane because Trevor is probably one of the people in my life that I'm
absolutely the closest with and I can always count on Trevor to
say silly things dat mak me laf. Before I get into the actual video and just reading Trevor's notes,
I don't really have much more to say, make sure to subscribe, click that little bell to turn your notifications
on, subscribe to my vlog channel, click that little bell over there. It's a good way to waste time
I'm going on tour! So, if you live in Portland, San Francisco, Toronto, Jersey City/North Korea,
Chicago, or Boston
Click that motherfucking link in the description and for under $1000000
You can come hug me and hear all of me scream live for the first time. That's in like a week.
I say music very lightly, but it's still gonna be a fun time.
I just came out with new merch, my nudes got leaked, they're on a hoodie now, made some other merch, super excited about that
That's all linked in the description below. I'm gonna shut the fuck up now without further ado Trevor
Wait we like totally unintentionally match today. Like, I'm tall you know so we're gonna- don't do that
I'm so fucking tall! That's so unnecessary!
The giant space above my forehead is me.
But look- let's hone in on my fading Botox. Before getting into this, I guess that with every person I need to say this, we
are all very, what's the word? Facetious?
Sarcastic? And I wouldn't take anything too
heavily. You know, - I'm scared, what. - like if people took them seriously, they could get a little butthurt.
I've actually never done a video where I had to make any form of disclaimer because I'm really not a disclaimer ass bitch
but Trevor you are my first disclaimer.
I am so terrified
Yeah, I would be too. Actually?
Yours is by far the worst, that's why you were starting off the series. Wait, what if this is like my first scandal? - Good.
right
I mean who better to have it with?
Exactly! Scandal queen
Of course, subscribe to trevor, his channel will be linked in the description
Go watch his new music video for "Sinner", his song is incredible. Okay Trevor, are you ready to just dive in? Oh no! Oh, I'm about to dive in!
Oh my god. I just read one and It's so bad. What if I don't like this, like what if it's like too much?
Well you say these things. Right.
I guess I'll start off with it was an easier one. So we're all in the Chicago Airport, "O'Hare" to be exact,
It's like 7 a.m, everyone is absolutely
exhausted like we miss our flight, yeah,
we missed our flight, like everyone is just done, and you walk into the middle of the group, as loud as possible
and yell in everyone's faces,
"I'm the best person you all have ever met!"
And then just walked away.
It's fucking true
So about 20 minutes go by in the airport, we checked into our flight. You walk past a child with a bad haircut,
Like a super bad haircut, his parents clearly are not good parents. I'm sorry, I have really bad parents
I don't know why I'm talking. And you look at the child, and you look at me,
you look at everyone, and you go, "Wow that-
That should have been one of Tana's plan B 1 steps."
Look, it was a joke. That's all you're gonna say this whole video, like "it was a joke"
Holy fuck!
"Maddie Ziegler was like 'Want a snapchat streak?' and I was like
*Seizes* 'What drug is that?'"
Seriously, I don't understand the fucking point of a snapchat streak
I thought you were gonna say "I don't understand the fucking Zieglers"
And I was gonna be like "Me too"
Why do they wanna fuck Imari so bad?
I don't understand the Zieglers
New finsta name
@IDont- That's my new snapchat, I was hacked, my new snapchat name is @IDontUnderstandTheZieglers
So Hunter was talking to you about something completely normal, and you cut him off mid-sentence to say "Shut the fuck up Hunter,
I know you want this bussy" I feel like you've told hunter that he wants your bussy like a good 10 times
He fucking does! Okay!
I can't even say this one
Wait, say it
We're all sitting in dead silence somewhere, Trevor looks up from his phone to announce to everyone "I would face fuck myself."
I would sis, get these ribs removed
You can't look
I'm not looking, sister!
So Tyler was holding a camera, and trying to figure it out,
and he said "The zoom on this camera is hard to figure out." and you look at him, and you go,
"Yeah, it's like Hellen Keller trying to find her way out of a race track."
What
the fuck is my problem?
All love to Hel Kel, but like
That was fucking-
Love Hel kel
Brave woman
Love aint a thing in Hel Kel, aint no love in Hel kel
Holy shit
She's like "but I can't see anyway!"
You referred to someone as your future Bitcoin daddy
Okay but Bitcoin is like under 7k right now, so I don't want any Bitcoin Daddy
You're like "My future Lightcoin Father!"
So you found out that Madison beer talked shit about you, and your instant reaction was "Like why isn't she dead yet?"
"He's coming over to watch a movie like I will suck his dick during Narnia"
That was about a 30 year old man. I'm a Gucci princess. I have a spread out asshole
Is that song even out?
You called like a random insta model groupie club hoe a
"WWE clout wrestler"
That was your way of calling this girl a social climber
"I just got a Message on Grindr that said 'You chubby?' Fuck no!"
Holy shit!
Even if we're gonna die tomorrow, we should still get injections, like imagine an open casket funeral with fresh Juvederm
Was that about the fucking, the tsunami warning?
Like you're just out here tryna give yo dead body filler
I'm tryna do an insta shoutout in a casket hoe
You saw a pho-
You saw a photo-
You saw a photo of James Charles crying
Without missing a beat, you look up and you go "Probably because his Morphe code didn't get used enough this month."
"She opened up her pussy like a bloomin onion from Outback Steak House
Was I talking about the time I ate a pussy? Do they know that?
Trevor actually ate the girl on my fake IDs pussy whoa
"So I texted my drug dealer, Dollars, I was really drunk and I wanted my coke to be discounted."
NO!
Absolutely not!
Do not put that in!
Drinks! Drinks discounted!
No one thinks that Trevor's buying drinks through a drug dealer named dollars, Ashley
We're not putting this in!
Send me the unlisted link girl
No, you won't
Fucking send me a swipe up link
We should do a coffee enema, you just shoot coffee up your asshole and you lose like ten pounds
And you shit for days, but like I'm ready to shit my whole existence out
Yo deadass we should try it!
Why did we both grab the frappuccino- Don't!
"She has a very face tunable face. Some people just don't have a face tunable face."
Holy shit! That's mean
Ashley's sitting there and she's like "I really wanna get a nose job and I wanna walk in as Madison Beer, and I wanna walk out as Madison Beer."
Holy fuck!
Is UTI turned urinary track infection turned almost dialysis a story time?
Wait, what did you say? What did you just say?
You asked if "UTI turned kidney infection turned almost dialysis was a good story time title".
I mean is it? Like what do you title that?
Will that hit algorithm, sister? YouTube is like, it's hard these days.
You're like "you just have to get kidney infections!" That I'm saying! Will it- What would I title it?
"I Can't Believe My Kidney Did This"
Parenthesis "Infected"
Parenthesis "Scary" "Dialysis" "Unprotected Sex"
"If there really is a tsunami warning on LA we should all split the price of a jet smarter. I jet smarted out of a tsunami story time"
Dead serious in his living room, trying to buy a private jet out of a tsunami
Well it's not- I mean like, imagine the airports, Delta doesn't ever leave the airport
Don't expect luggage to arrive, there goes my any potential brand deal
I love Mahogany Lox as much- No, do not say the name! Do not say the name!
Can we just put that in?
I love blank. It's just- No wait- Dude Mahogany Lox
I love Mahogany Lox almost as much as I- Shut the fuck up! I love Mahogany Lox
Almost as much as I love gallery posts for EDC!
I love posting for EDC
I got a urinary tract infection from fucking. I got a urinary tract inFUCKtion!
Stop you're making me nervous
That was the worst two weeks of my life. Deadass like peeing dark red blood
And then like taking antibiotics and at the same time like not being able to drink the pain away
Green tea pills are like coke for spiritual people
Fucking true!
You just hear Sarah Baska humming in the distance
His dick sock was my sock, and it's laying in jail somewhere. I feel bad for that sock
"I will make a Trader Joe's run if imari fucks me."
Right, Hi Aaron! Hi sister!
If I ever had a boyfriend, I would cheat on that person with Imari
That would be in the list but, here we are
Okay guys, imagine Trevor on the phone with an executive of a video production company
Music video editing people like this man on the other end of the phone is probably in a suit and like doesn't swear
Imagine Trevor in his living room like in underwear like holding a bottle of wine on the phone with this person yelling
Smooth out his backne!
So check out the Sinner music video, like you won't see any backne
Trevor looks at a girl's Instagram post and simultaneously starts screaming like "Choose Kyra Kyra or the dumb pose you can't do both, bitch!"
At his phone. It's fucking true.
We arrived to a music festival in San Bernandino, "Rolling Loud"
Everyone's getting off the bus like super excited and Trevor literally starts yelling
"Hopped off the plane at San Bernandino with a dream and my artist band!"
Flaunt your money harder!
Flaunt my money!? I got it for free it was a brand deal!
Flaunt your fame harder. I will! Sister I have triple your twitter followers!
Well that actually brings me to my next one
One day I'm laying in bed. I'm having a bad day. Like I'm stressed out as fuck. I'm like complaining
I'm trying to figure out like flights on the computer like I'm annoyed as fuck
Trevor walks up to me get this close to my face, and goes
"Tana. how many twitter followers do you have?"
And I was like "Trevor like I know what you're gonna say like you have more than me."
Get's this close to my face and goes
"Triple!"
Gets even closer and goes
"Quadruple?"
And then just leaves the room
"I'm allergic to Zaful brand deals."
No, I'm about to have one I think.
Well, you better take this back!
I take it back Zaful! Send me bikinis!
And I want my like buldge out! Like in a bikini! Like how hawt!
I think they're allergic to you now
I would be blessed to look different. To change the way I was born.
Me
what?
Oh, so like born with like all the filler I have now?
Sure
So I'm talking to Trevor, and I'm just like telling him a story
I'm like saying random people's names like Stephanie like just you know whatever
I say someone's name, Trevor looks up at me stops what I'm saying, and goes
"Wait, wait, wait, is that the amputee or the drug dealer?"
Okay, you have to give me some slack, they have the same name. That's so fucked, like that's beyond fucked.
I feel like 1% of the viewership is going to get this, but that 1% I fuck with you
Kybella injections are not FDA approved for any other part of the body in the US, so let's go to Mexico girls
Imagine just getting like Kybella like in your fucking froopa
We're sitting down at a restaurant, everyone has their food, Trevor walks in late. Trevor tried to call in early to order his food.
"I called that and ask the guy
what's in the strawberry smoothie, and he said powder, and I was like 'Well I've already had enough powder tonight.'"
I mean it's a joke, but they're gonna actually think I did coke
I mean you also said that on the phone to a worker at crave
Like that woker at Crave probably thought you did coke too.
"Do they make pussy spray? *Gasps* Shark Tank"
Do they make pussy spray though? Pussy perfume, and it's like edible and like it's like different flavors like "Oh I want my pussy tastes like Pina Colada today!"
I feel like they do, like those like weird deodorant sprays. No, but, has to be edible. Like edible. Like an edible arrangement?
but like on your clit. Yes like I want you to smell it and then also taste it. Dude I would never shower again because
I feel like the only reason I shower is if I'm gonna get fucked
Well, I shaved my Gooch today. Yeah, and I wore Gucc
I'm a Gucci princess. I shaved my motherfucking asshole today. Oh yes, yes
Okay, guys, that- I hope no one's offended. Like, I come from a sweet loving family, and I have a sweet heart
I'm drained emotionally and mentally after this video. Yes. I want to be like if you're offended, but like you are offended.
Wait, this is bad then. Am I over? I feel like over is just like the new on top
*Screams*
Let me know in the comments below who you want me to do for episode 2
I'm very excited to continue this series and slowly expose my friends one by one
Just to make yourself look like aa less shittier person? Exactly like I took reverse scandling. Go subscribe to Trevor make sure to subscribe
Click that little motherfuckin bell yes
Get all of my new merch including my nudes! Like I really took that photo in person and it's out here on a hoodie like please support it
If you want to touch that ass in person I'm on tour
Portland, San Francisco, New Jersey/New York City area
Toronto Chicago and Boston. I'm coming to you in like 20 days so click that link in the description
I'm gonna shut the fuck up now. Bye guys