While younger viewers might not question the events of The Scorpion King, there are a slew
of things that only adults will notice while watching. We're here to take a look at them.
While most of Mathayus' companions opt for the machismo of horseback,
our titular character is much more fond of his trusty camel.
He claims this particular mount is smarter than its equine counterpart,
and he may be on to something, because the camel's location is always remarkably convenient.
Even over the roar of battle, Mathayus' whistle sails across the winds to his camel's ears.
By the third time we witness this beckoning, we start to question the
validity of the logistics involved here. Camels might have good hearing, and sure,
maybe Mathayus is on to something when he claims they're smarter than horses.
But even so, the film stretches credulity to its limits. Towards the end of the film,
it becomes harder to chalk it up to a smart travel companion instead of lazy script writing.
Machismo is a major part of the action genre, but The Scorpion King takes it to an extreme.
Take Cassandra's introduction. Not only is she scantily clad, she goes weak in the knees upon
seeing Mathayus. Listen, it's the Rock, we get it. But let's ease up on the longing eye
contact. And we really aren't sure why Cassandra needs to straddle Mathayus in order to heal him.
Once Mathayus stumbles into Memnon's harem and is swarmed by an army of thirsty concubines,
our eyes start to roll into the backs of our skulls. Adolescents might be entranced,
but adults may begin to wonder why every woman in ancient Egypt looks like an LA model. A lack of
hydration in an impoverished desert environment does wonders for your figure, apparently.
This overbearing machismo is also evident in some of the film's most
ludicrous action scenes. Somehow, Mathayus transforms into a ninja in a random cave and
systematically picks off a group of soldiers.
To witness what the future holds would be a magnificent weapon for a military leader to
possess. That's the logic behind Memnon's domination of his adversaries: Cassandra,
a powerful sorceress, is able to predict his battles' outcomes. As such, Memnon keeps her by
his side throughout his conquests. She does appear to actually have said powers, and we do indeed see
them put on display. As far as utilizing those powers goes, though, she appears quite inept.
Any time Memnon calls on her to inform him of what the future holds, she stumbles through her mental
pathways to arrive at a monosyllabic response: It's either good or bad. No more detail than that,
folks. How magical! The sorceress also doesn't appear to be able to properly read her visions,
rendering some of her predictions, like the one regarding Mathayus' demise,
outright wrong. An arrow in his back does nothing to slow his pursuit of vengeance:
Witness the glory as he rips the projectile from his bulging muscles and uses it to launch
his nemesis into a giant ball of fire! Where was that in your vision, Cassandra?
Her powers might be impressive, but as she has little talent for interpreting
her visions with nuance, they're about as likely to backfire as they are to help.
After a scary opening narration explains Memnon's overwhelming power, the story shifts
to a gathering of tribal leaders, arguing about the best way to deal with the tyrant.
After King Balthazar entertains us by crushing a snotty brat's hand,
Mathayus steps into the scene. It is explained that he has been hired to kill Memnon's sorcerer,
so that Memnon can be defeated in battle. From this moment on, any adult with an awareness of
the linear progression of time will see the story's structure unravel.
The assassination doesn't go as planned, and Mathayus is forced to watch Memnon
kill his brother. No doubt, vengeance is in order. The rest of the film sees Mathayus
try his hardest to kill the man that he was already hired to kill — except now,
he's angry. That's pretty much the rest of the story in a nutshell.
This lax plot leaves plenty of wiggle room for elaborate sword play, leather lingerie,
and hordes of baddies to kill, which is what the movie's really about, when all is said and done.
The events of The Scorpion King take place in 3077 BC. It also obviously takes place
in a fantasy version of our world, so we can excuse most of its whimsical aspects.
It can be hard to skirt vast historical inaccuracies when they start piling up,
though. The opening scene of The Scorpion King features a hapless sentinel receiving a shuriken
straight to the dome. Not only does this scene take place long before the shuriken's creation,
but the shuriken is a Japanese weapon, originating in a land far beyond the deserts of Egypt.
The flurry of weapon-based liberties doesn't stop there, going so far as to launch Mathayus out of
a catapult to escape his would-be captors. Worry not about our hero's demise, he lands comfortably
on a scattering of pillows. We can suspend a lot of disbelief if need be, but when it
comes to historical inaccuracies, there is only so much even the most eager grown-up can take.
From the moment we meet him, the tyrannical Memnon is presented as a mighty warrior. Narration states
that he is "the greatest swordsman the world has ever seen." Seeing as that statement is
delivered in the opening moments of the movie, we wait excitedly to see his blade-based prowess on
display. At last, a scene in which he is training with his guards arrives. We feel our excitement
brimming. This is it, we think, he's going to get angry at the news delivered to him and unleash
his slice n' dice fury on these poor lackeys. It's going to be awesome. And then ... nothing.
There never actually comes a moment when Memnon's legendary swordsmanship is put on display.
Even his brief moment of victory in the final confrontation doesn't come because of his alleged
skills, but because a random guard walks into the arena and shoots an arrow into Mathayus' back.
The battle sequences in The Scorpion King are loads of fun. There's plenty of sword clashing,
arrows fly everywhere, punches are swung, and even some body slams are thrown in for good measure.
There is one impressive action effect that is reserved solely for the good guys, however,
and that is the devastating impact of their arrows. On numerous occasions, the bad guys land
some arrow hits, and their targets fall to the ground. But when Mathayus' arrows hit their mark,
their impact sends his foes into backwards somersaults. It has an almost slapstick effect.
We may not be well-versed in the bow and arrow, but we are comfortable saying that this cartoonish
trope has diminishing returns, and it starts to wear on any adult's enjoyment of the movie.
Dying young was a lot more common in ancient times. Disease ravaged the land and seeped into
the human body in countless ways, unstopped by modern antibiotics or hygiene. One of the ways
these dangerous germs wormed their way into the fragile human body was - and still is - through
our disgusting mouths. Modern dentistry has gone a long way towards keeping our teeth healthier. But
that isn't the case in The Scorpion King. In this ancient land, pearly whites shine bright,
like every single Akkadian has a killer dental plan.
Maybe we're being jealous: The contrast of the beautiful actors' perfectly tanned
bodies against the whites of their teeth is, admittedly, spectacular. Or perhaps we're just
noticing some particularly overzealous color-correction. Whatever the reason,
it's jarringly apparent that everyone living in Gomorrah in 3077 BC has incredibly great teeth.
Before The Scorpion King was even a concept, there was The Mummy. The wildly successful
film demanded a sequel, and Hollywood saw to it that audiences got what they asked for.
The people who saw The Scorpion King as a direct result of this viewing marched into
the theater with questions. Chief among them: How the heck did the Rock turn into a giant scorpion?
Those looking for interesting answers and mythos development are drastically let down by The
Scorpion King, especially when it comes to how Mathayus becomes the titular beast. The process
is, as it turns out, straightforward and boring: Memnon poisons an arrow with scorpion venom which
Mathayus gets hit by. Later, Cassandra heals him, and proclaims that he now has the blood of
the scorpion in his veins. The movie chugs along with hardly another reference to the event at all.
This omission seems less a factor of screen time and more an act of lazy screenwriting.
In the climax of The Scorpion King, Mathayus faces off against Memnon. The two duke it out on
the balcony of a temple and appear to be worthy adversaries, trading blows across the terrace.
The sword-clashing turns in Memnon's favor when he pulls an ace out of his tunic:
He plunges his blades into a nearby flame and lights his swords on fire. In that moment,
an adult viewer will search their memory for an image of Memnon covering his swords in
any type of flammable substance and come up empty.
We're not sure how much heat is required to create an open flame on metal,
but we're certain it's a temperature that can't be achieved with a quick
insert into an open flame during battle. The ordeal is utterly symbolic of the early 2000s,
which generally induces grins rather than scoffing. While the ability to light steel
on fire shouldn't exist, we do have to admit that it looks pretty cool. Battle on, warriors.
You can call out The Scorpion King for its faults all you want, but there is
one thing that can't be denied: It captures a star being born. The only aspect of this film
that rescues it from being an outrageous act of camp is the star power of the Rock. However,
there is something about this role that seems out of place.
Have you guessed what it is? He has hair in this movie! And not just any hair:
He's got thick, jet-black hair that flows all the way down his back. Once you key in on it,
you realize it's a bit weird looking — and not just because it's hair attached to the Rock's
head. The stark hairline of his wig, which looms above his perfectly plucked eyebrows,
makes the Rock look plastic. This, paired with the fact that the Rock has been
famously bald for years now, makes it an odd look to encounter today.
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