( caption revisions in progress ) >> This episode of the Modern Rogue
( caption revisions in progress ) brought to you by NordVPN!
>> Go to nordvpn.com/rogue,
use promo code "ROGUE" and get 75% off a three-year plan.
>> Yeah, man, that's like less than $3 a month.
You know what? I'm feeling generous.
Let's give them an extra month free.
You're welcome.
>> He's always doing that, gosh.
>> An extra month of life. [blows]
What is the single worst superhero
you remember reading that was unironically,
actually put out hoping this would be the next big thing?
>> Oh man, Forearm.
He was a member of the Mutant Liberation Force.
>> Sorry, Forearm?
>> Yeah, Forearm. >> F-O-U-R?
>> I think it was actually F-O-R-E,
but he had four arms. >> BRIAN: [laughs] And that's it?
>> He had four arms and he was strong.
>> He had four arms,
and was strong?
>> They called him Forearm. >> And that's it?
>> That was it.
There's also Arm-Fall-Off-Boy.
>> No, that is not real.
>> That's a real thing!
>> No, it's not!
>> It is real.
His arms would fall off, I don't know why.
[laughter]
And they just fell off, and it's like, that was it.
>> And I was going to say, did you ever read Speedball?
>> Dude.
>> Just a dude that bounced off of stuff. [laughs]
>> Don't talk shit about Speedball.
>> BRIAN: What‽
>> I've got a complete run of Speedball.
>> No you don't!
>> Steve Ditko, man.
>> All right.
[deep synthetic rumble]
[electrical pop] [gentle vinyl static]
[rising chime] All right, Jason Murphy.
As you know, there are a bajillionty different articles
[paper shuffling and keyboard clacking] at themodernrogue.com.
We're going to shine a spotlight on one of our favorites
by Christian Markle,
5 Superpowers That Aren't That Super.
>> Yes, this is some real Monkey's Paw type stuff, right?
>> Is that one of the powers, is you have a monkey's paw?
>> [laughs] Yeah, your hand is actually that of a monkey.
That's all it is, just a little spider monkey.
It's just, it's cool at parties.
>> So these are real medical conditions
that yield what would seem to be genuine superpowers,
but with significant downsides.
>> I would say pretty significant downsides.
So my question to you for each of these is how long
would you want this power?
>> As a tourist.
If I was going to subscribe to the newsletter,
how long until I hit unsubscribe?
>> Exactly, you can turn it off
and then it's gone forever, but you get to
use it for a little while.
[clicking sound]
Do you remember the episode of The X-Files,
episode three of season one, where there was
a guy crawling around through vents and stuff like that?
>> No, but I have no doubt that you
absolutely remember everything about this.
>> I do, yeah, and he was all bendy
and twisty and everything.
That's what this ability makes me think of, this ability.
Some people are born super flexible.
You would call them double-jointed,
but it's joint hypermobility syndrome.
>> Yeah, back when I was on tour,
I worked a couple of gigs with Daniel Browning Smith,
aka The Rubberboy, who has this exact condition.
He was able to fold into a box this size, it's amazing.
>> Oh wow, yeah, because the abilities
that some of these double-jointed people have
are remarkable.
You could take your thumb and touch it to your forearm,
or just without thinking take your feet
and put them behind your head.
>> A friend of mine, man, I taught him at a camp,
I taught magic, and he was able to
clasp his hands together and was able to
step all the way through.
He would step through the hoop he made
and then bring it around the back forward.
So, okay, I guess the upside is you're super flexible,
you can go in tricky places.
What's the downside?
>> So the downside is that all of your connective tissue
is really flexible and bendy, but everything else is not.
You've got all of this tissue throughout your whole body,
and it can cause a lot of problems
if you have one of these related joint diseases.
Aside from just being super flexible and bendy,
you get stuff like headaches, really bad migraines,
you'll lose your balance, it can attack your heart,
your digestive system, all sorts of stuff.
There are just endless problems with this,
but you're super flexible.
Maybe you could take it on the road,
maybe you could add another thing to your show.
>> I was about to say.
>> How long would you use this ability?
How long would you like?
>> I would subscribe just long enough to do a tour
and have that be one of the acts, and then wrap it up.
So what, four months, I would go four months with this.
Because it sounds like a lot of the problems,
the downsides, are long term issues, right?
>> Yes, yeah.
>> Brian: What about you?
>> Me?
I don't have any use for this whatsoever.
>> Not even for just one magical night with your lady?
[laughter]
You're like, guess who's got a new talent!
Get ready!
>> Look what I can do! [laughs]
Yeah, then my wife would be like, she's like,
"You threw your back out bending over
"to pick up your wallet.
"What's happening right now?"
[laughter]
Yep, nah, zero.
I have no use for it.
>> You wouldn't even want one moment
to experience what it's like?
>> No, no, man.
Have you seen people take their thumb?
That's gross.
>> All right.
>> I don't want to do that.
[clicking sounds]
Wolverine sense of smell, right?
>> Does he have a particularly good sense of smell?
>> You didn't know this?
>> Even if that is the case, it's a bit overshadowed
by some more interesting aspects of Wolverine.
[laughter]
>> Oh yeah, I have claws. >> They don't say Wolverine,
the man who can smell real good.
[laughter]
>> Well, some people have what's called
hyperosmia, and they can smell everything.
Now, you have a very specific sense of smell,
some things bother you remarkably more
than they do other people.
>> You're shoving pickles in my face all the time,
that's what this is really about.
>> It's about the pickles.
>> I'll tell you what, though.
I encountered somebody in the wild who had this talent.
I was part of a workout group.
>> I'm imagining you like, "I was out in the jungle."
>> I've seen some stuff, man.
>> Yeah, but you're part of a workout group.
>> Well, yeah.
So there's five of us all on bikes, pedaling.
>> And somebody has a really strong sense of smell?
>> Yeah, and so--
>> Why would you go to the gym ever?
>> Well, she was the trainer.
And so she's walking up and down,
and then she just freezes and turns,
and she goes, "Who had whisky last night?"
And I was like, oh... [laughs]
>> And then she goes, "Just kidding, I know it's Brian."
>> No, yeah! [laughs]
I was just like, how did you?
And she was like, "It's coming out of your pores.
"I smell it from last night."
I was like, holy crap!
>> Well, some people have what's called hyperosmia,
and it's actually tied to joint hypermobility syndrome.
>> What, how so?
>> Joint hypermobility syndrome has an entire panoply
of related illnesses, and this is one of them,
and it seems at first like this would be
a superpower, right?
>> Well yeah.
In fact, as a matter of fact, there are people
who make their livings with, they're called golden noses,
and they run up and down smelling armpits
and identifying how good or bad stuff smells.
>> Yeah, or it makes them really good sommeliers
with wine or whisky.
It is pretty valuable, and something that
you could use day to day.
Do you like it, would you like that ability?
>> Wait, wait, wait.
What is the downside before I subscribe?
>> Well, think about this.
You're in the mall and you're smelling
different perfumes as you pass.
>> Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.
>> Different stores.
>> Now I'm realizing the downside is
you don't get to select what you smell,
and if something is just a little bit awful,
you fully experience.
>> So I know someone with hyperosmia.
>> Brian: Go on?
>> And they said, "Oh, yeah.
"The worst is when you can smell someone's butt
"and they haven't washed their butt."
[stammers]
And I was like, that happens?
And she's like, "Oh, well I can smell everyone's butt."
>> What?
>> Just like, walking by them.
And she goes, "Here's the thing.
"People are always farting."
[laughter]
>> I mean, she's not wrong!
>> So you're walking through the mall
and it's just fart city, man.
>> Yeah, I can't think of anything I would like
about this, or any upside for me.
>> It could make you a really good cook.
>> Yeah.
I'm just trying to figure out a magic trick to do with it.
>> Oh, you're trying to figure out--
>> There's nothing.
>> How to use it on your stage show?
Maybe that's your trick.
You're like, "All right, by show of hands,
"who's wearing deodorant today?"
And then you go person to person and go...
[sniff] Speed Stick.
>> Oh, that would be amazing!
>> [sniffs] Old Spice.
>> Okay, that would be a pretty cool party trick.
So I might do it for a week.
What about you?
>> You know, I'm curious.
I would give this one a spin.
I would try it for, I would say,
I want to try it for about a month.
>> Wow, a whole month?
>> Yeah.
I want to try it for about a month and just see...
>> You want to do it long enough to be done with it.
>> Yes.
>> And then be able to press cancel.
>> Yes, and I really want to push and see how far
it can go, like, can I follow people?
>> Oh, yeah. >> Like a bloodhound.
>> You walk around the city, and you're like,
"You're around here Mayor Adler.
"I'll find you."
>> Exactly.
[clicking sounds]
>> So let's talk about indestructible bones.
>> Okay.
>> Our friend Dennis Rogers is pound for pound
one of the strongest human beings on the planet.
>> Dennis: And sorry it took me so long,
but that's how I do.
>> He also has really, really tough bones
because he's constantly putting force against them.
He's grabbing nails and slamming them through boards
and all that stuff, so he has supernaturally strong bones.
>> Does it work that way, that you can go through
a regiment to really strengthen your bones through impact?
>> Yeah, keep in mind that's why people
have a hard time coming back to earth
after spending a year at the International Space Station.
>> Oh, sure.
>> Is because every day, as we move around,
we're experiencing thousands of microfractures,
and it makes the bone stronger,
the more punishment they take.
It's called antifragile, is what happens.
So people think that the opposite of fragile is robust,
like a chunk of rubber is robust.
Antifragile are things that get stronger
as they're broken down, like your muscles, like your bones.
>> Oh, sure, okay, okay.
So we could, for instance, go through one of those
Thai boxing things where you and I go out
and kick a tree for four hours every day.
>> Sure, that sounds like a blast.
[laughter]
>> So what is some of the benefits to having
super hard bones?
>> I would imagine--
>> If you're in fights?
>> Sure, absolutely.
Think about any kind of collision,
the harder bones are, one's going to break
and the other one's not, and if it's
a fist versus a skull, you want the harder bones
in that case.
>> Okay, now let's incorporate this into your show.
>> Okay.
Oh, I would do all of the strongman feats, right?
I mean, it would be your breaking pans over your head
or whatever.
Actually, for like 12 years, one of the mainstays
of my stage show was taking a 30 pound concrete block
and using a sledgehammer to break it over my head.
>> I remember, yeah.
>> And a few concussions later, it occurred to me,
wow, I break a lot of these over my head,
and I started to add it up, and I realized
that if they were stacked on top of each other
it would be taller than the Empire State Building,
is the number of concrete blocks I've broken over my head.
>> And how many concussions did you have?
>> I think only one, and it was really weird
because the next morning is when I noticed it.
I got up and I was driving like a three and a half
hour drive in Montana, and I was like,
why do I feel drunk?
Meh, oh well.
>> Why am I in Montana?
>> [laughs] Yeah!
I would say I've had a taste of this one,
and I can't imagine I'm better off.
So what would the downside be to having awesome bones?
>> Well, it can cause deformations, right?
Pressure on the nerves, seizures.
At worse it could be fatal, right?
>> What, what, whoa!
Just having really strong bones?
>> Well in this instance, we're talking about osteopetrosis,
which these bones can be really strong,
but also that makes them really brittle, right?
They're less pliable and flexible.
>> Oh, wild.
>> Yeah.
So you could die.
>> Yeah, okay.
Do not want.
I'm going to say no amount of time do I want to
experience any of the benefits of super strong bones.
What about you?
>> This sounds really, really dicey,
and again, I can't think of any reason I would use this.
It's like, if someone asks me,
"Do you want a fully-equipped fighter jet?"
Like, yeah!
Wait, what am I going to do with that?
>> Yeah, right?
>> I'm going to crash it into the ground.
So no, I can't find any use for it myself.
Okay, maybe 24 hours, fine.
24 hours.
>> Brian: Just long enough to--
>> I go and I raise hell!
>> Just long enough to enter an MMA tournament
and then peace out, all right.
>> Exactly.
They're like, "Well, he gets his ass kicked
"but he just keeps getting up!"
[clicking sounds]
>> Absence of fear is a weird one to me,
because is that a psychological condition?
Is it something physiological in your brain
that causes you not to be able to process or assess risk?
>> There is something physiological.
It's the neuro receptors aren't picking up the message,
and you just don't get it.
You're not afraid of anything.
You just don't understand it.
That's really, really dangerous.
>> So what is it like for you to have that?
[laughter]
>> I'm quite scared of everything, to be quite clear.
I'm just not paying attention, how about that?
I wouldn't say that I'm brave.
I would say that I'm Mr. Magoo.
>> Man, I do want to know what that would feel like,
but not for very long.
I mean, I guess, maybe...
I would do it for a day and go to one of those
massive rollercoaster parks, right?
>> Okay, yeah.
And so you could just waste money?
You're like. [snores]
>> I mean, I guess, weirdly that's what I would
want to experience, is all of the scares.
>> Just to test it?
>> Yeah, just to be all like, how curious, I feel nothing.
And then go the next day and be like, what was I thinking?
>> See, I'm not really worried about getting shot
or harm to my mortal coil.
Maybe I should be, with like, explosions
and things like that.
It's the existential dread that I would like to get rid of,
so I want to know if that works.
>> Oh, wow.
Yeah, no, to not be constantly afraid all the time.
Okay. >> Yeah, just general anxiety,
and like... >> Yeah, I don't know, though.
I feel like that's the source of all my power.
It's like, that's my secret, Cap, I'm always afraid.
>> I'm always afraid!
>> Constantly.
All right, so. >> Keeps moving forward.
>> I would say for a day, you would say
for the rest of your life if you could.
>> Well, there are problems with this one, of course.
Monkey's Paw, right?
Problems with the temporal lobe,
but also leads to just a variety of other issues.
>> Bad decisions.
>> Hair loss, learning disabilities.
>> That definitely took a hard left turn.
I didn't think hair loss would be the number one problem.
>> That's the one I lead with.
Man, I want to be brave, but I don't want
my hair to fall out.
>> So you'd go how long?
>> I would try it for maybe a day.
>> Maybe a day.
>> Yeah, I think I could last about that long.
By the end of the day, I would probably end up
doing some real dumb stuff.
[clicking sounds]
>> Let's talk about not feeling pain.
The physical inability to experience pain.
Sounds awesome for about five seconds.
>> I'm kind of down for it, but then I think,
oh, no, wait.
Much like fear, pain is something that humans really need.
>> Especially because this is a congenital disease.
It's not something you can catch after you're
an adult and you have a lifetime
of understanding what damages your body.
You're born with it, and so as a result,
children, I mean, think about how reckless
they are to begin with.
Now imagine they don't even experience pain.
As a result, you're getting head injuries,
you're stunting your own intellectual
development and growth.
>> You can rub your eyes and scrub the corneal tissue
and everything that--
>> You go blind and your bones break and then
they heal badly.
>> Or just chewing on your lip when you're
teething as a child.
>> Oh god.
>> And it just mangles everything, 'cause you
don't know that it hurts.
>> Well, and imagine getting a fracture
and having it heal badly 'cause you never even knew
that you'd fractured your bones.
>> Yeah, yeah.
And it's pretty full scale, right?
It's not just like, oh you don't feel
minor pinches or anything.
You can break your leg and keep walking on it,
because you don't realize it's broken.
>> Yeah.
That one, I don't think I would even for a minute
sign up for that as a trial, unless,
I might keep a coupon in the event that I need to
sacrifice my life to save somebody else's.
>> Oh, you want an ability to turn it on.
>> Yeah.
Okay, here, let's break the seal on this.
And then I pick up a body and walk on lava,
and then I'm like, well, that wasn't as bad as I thought.
>> That's the way I always thought you were going to go.
>> I'm planning on it.
[laughter]
I've already got a custom casket for my funeral,
with flames on it.
>> It's like, I'm just waiting for some lava,
I've got a whole bunch of morphine right here.
>> Just hanging around in subways,
waiting for earthquakes.
I'm describing a volcano. [laughs]
>> What's Brian doing here?
They're like, he's got a pain coupon.
Oh, okay.
>> Would you try it even for a second?
>> You know, as far as...
Yeah, I think I would, actually.
>> Really?
>> Just out of curiosity.
I'd try it for about an hour, I think.
>> Brian: Okay.
>> I don't know what the circumstances would be.
>> You would do the equivalent of taste tripping
with the Miraculin pills.
>> [laughs] Exactly.
>> You're like, "Oh my god, look, I'm damaging everything,
"this is hilarious!" >> Exactly.
I just think of Gary Busey in Lethal Weapon.
You remember?
>> Yeah! >> He's like,
"Your arm, Mr. Joshua."
And he holds out his arm and they put
a lighter to it, and he just sits there.
[laughter]
I would do that a couple of times.
>> Yeah, what if the downside is that you had to be
Gary Busey?
>> Is that a power?
[laughter]
'Cause if I have the power to be a were-Gary Busey,
under the full moon. >> A were-Busey!
>> And I turn into Gary Busey when the moon is full.
>> Oh, that would be amazing.
>> I'm taking it, dude.
>> All right, fair enough.
>> Once a month I turn into Busey!
>> So we all agree that the best power is to be a were-Busey.
>> Yes, all of these are dumb.
>> What's your favorite thing about always having a VPN?
>> Taking my clothes off.
>> I'm so-- [stammers]
>> Yeah.
When you've got Nord, you can just be naked
in your own home, and did I screw up the metaphor?
Is that not how that works?
>> First of all, the N in VPN does not stand for nudes.
>> Go on. >> But you can be naked.
>> Oh. >> But you're naked if
you don't have a VPN.
>> That's what you meant!
>> Sorry, what-- >> Because before,
the Internets would see you
and see what you were doing, and all of your traffic.
>> Well, I mean--
>> But now I'm just like, free as a bird, man.
[laughter]
And it's great.
Thanks, Nord.
I feel really comfortable now.
>> The worst part is you're not wrong.
I mean, it's like you are legitimately safer.
>> Yeah! >> And it's less likely
that people are knowing what you're up to
when you have a VPN turned on, because--
>> Right? >> It's harder for cookies
to track you and all that stuff.
My favorite part is that the ads,
I love watching all the broken ads
trying to serve you up all this specific
figuring out who you are stuff.
But naked...
[clears throat] Nordvpn.com/rogue.
Sign up and you could get three years
for less than $3 a month.
75% off, and you get a month free.
Fastest VPN, only VPN to get a perfect score on PCMag.
I just can't stop picturing... [sighs]
>> Nord never makes me feel ashamed.
[laughter]
>> Brian: Okay.
>> Mind control.
>> Oh man, that's god mode on life.
As a magician, I'm like, well that's not fair.
[laughter]
I would be a great illusionist, though.
>> I mean, you got mind control, everything else
just kind of falls into place.
>> Can you imagine just walking out on stage,
going like, "I was amazing."
Everyone leaps to their feet, and they go out
and the reviews are awesome.
You're like, "Peace out."