>>> HE IS -- >> HEY!
>> HE AND RICKY GERVAIS, ALL-TIME FAVORITE GUESTS IN ALL
THE WORLD AND PROBABLY ONE OF YOURS, TOO.
IT'S CRAIG -- >> Both: FERGUSON!
>> BACK TO HIS ROOTS GOING TO STAND-UP HEADED ON TOUR THIS
SUMMER. STARTING TOMORROW?
>> STARTING TOMORROW IN THE SHOW BUSINESS CAPITAL OF THE WORLD.
HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE.
>> IS THAT RED BANK? >> RED BANK, NEW JERSEY.
THE THEATER. THAT'S THE ONE.
>> AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL, FROM WHAT I HEAR.
>> HERE'S THE THING, THOUGH. THE THEATER, WHEN YOU PLAY IN
RED BANK, ONLY ONE WAY INTO THE PARKING LOT AND ONE WAY OUT.
END OF THE SHOW I HAVE TO SAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, AND GET OUT
FAST, OR YOU'RE THERE ANOTHER HOUR.
>> PAY THEM OFF. SAY GIVE ME ANOTHER FIVE
MINUTES. >> HOW MUCH DOES THAT GUY MAKE?
I DON'T GET DAYTIME MONEY. >> PLEASE, YOU'RE TALKING REGIS
MONEY. >> THE BIG MONEY FOR TV IS OVER.
>> WHAT'S YOUR SCHTICK? >> CAN'T TELL YOU ANYBODY ABOUT
IT BECAUSE OF THE TALK I GET IN THE COMMERCIAL BREAK, ALL THE
WORDS I WOULD NORMALLY SAY I CAN'T SAY.
SUFFICE TO SAY, DON'T BRING YOUR 2-YEAR-OLD.
>> YES, YES. PROBABLY NOT EVEN YOUR 12.
>> YES. >> AVOIDING THE WHOLE POLITICAL
THING, JUST BECAUSE, LIKE, TOO MUCH NOW?
>> SOMEBODY SAID, I LOVE PEOPLE WHO SAY, DON'T YOU MISS BEING IN
LATE-NIGHT WITH ALL THE TRUMP THING.
I HEARD RUNNING, THIS IS A GIFT! YEAH, YEAH.
BUT NOW IT'S LIKE, ALL THE TILE. HAVE TO DO IT ALL THE TIME.
I COULDN'T DO IT. SICK OF IT BY NOW.
I'D MOVE ON. SO I'M KIND OF GLAD TO BE OUT OF
THAT REALLY. WHAT I DO, A VERY DIRTY
STAND-UP. I'M HAPPY TO DO -- HAPPY TO
DO -- VERY -- LOOK, LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU.
THIS IS VERY, VERY DIRTY. NOT HE'S A BIT NAUGHTY.
IT'S MUCH WORSE! [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I THINK I MIGHT COME TO THE ONE IN MOUNT CLAIRE ON FRIDAY
NIGHT. >> COME ALONG!
>> JOJO'S BEEN TRYING TO GET US OUT OF TOWN.
>> JOJO LIVES IN -- >> DOING ONE IN THE CITY
SATURDAY. >> YOU ARE?
>> YOU GO OUT OF TOWN ON THE WEEKEND.
>> I HAVE A HOME. YOU GO TO SCOTLAND.
>> YOU TAKE YOUR GOLDEN HELICOPTER TO THE HAMPTONS OR
SOMETHING. >> I TAKE THE LAMB CHOPPER!
>> AND YOU LAND, AH -- AH -- AHHHH!
>> OH, MY GOD, KATHIE. >> HOW LONG IS YOUR SHOW, IN
CASE WE END UP. >> HOW LONG?
LIKE YOU WANT IT TO END? YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
NO. WHAT I DO IS --
[ LAUGHTER ] I -- WELL, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. YOU JUST HAVE A FILTHY MIND.
IT'S ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF. >> OKAY.
>> ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF. >> AND NOW THAT YOU'RE SOBER AND
ALL THAT, HOW DO YOU LIKE COME DOWN FROM -- BECAUSE YOU'RE ON A
HIGH WHEN PERFORMING ANYWAY. >> YEAH.
I JUST -- >> IN REAL LIFE?
>> YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAKE A LONG TIME.
WORRYING. >> ABOUT WHAT?
>> YOU KNOW. LIFE, THE UNIVERSE.
>> YOU DO? >> ELECTRONS AND STUFF.
YOU KNOW? >> BLACK HOLES.
>> WELL -- YEAH. >> WHAT?
>> PLAQUE -- >> ANYTHING THAT'S FRIGHTENING.
RIGHT? >> RIGHT.
>> THINGS THAT FRIGHTEN ME. >> WHAT IF YOU WERE -- WHAT IF
YOU WERE ONSTAGE AND HAD A HECKLER IN THE BACK?
WHAT DO YOU DO? HOW DO YOU REACT?
>> THAT'S PART OF THE JOB. >> WHAT DO YOU DO?
>> THEY DON'T LET YOU KNOW IN ADVANCE.
IT'S NOT LIKE, I WILL BE HECKLING YOU ABOUT YOUR
POLITICAL -- IT DOESN'T HELP. THE METHODS ABOUT HECKLERS
PEOPLE THINK SOMEHOW COMEDIANS ENJOY IT, BUT WE DON'T ENJOY IT.
IT'S LIKE, STOP IT. DOESN'T SAY ON THE POSTER, CRAIG
FERGUSON AND THE ANNOYING GUY IN THE BACK ROW.
IF YOU WANT THAT -- >> DO YOU HAVE AN OPENING ACT?
>> I DO. HE'S OVER THERE.
>> TUMAS? >> NO.
JOE USED TO BE IN THE "LATE-NIGHT SHOW" HE WAS THE
FRONT END OF THE HORSE! >> YES.
THE BETTER HAVE TO BE. >> BUT WE SHAVED AROUND HIS EYES
AND NOW YOU CAN SEE, HE'S A HUMAN, AND NOT LIKE A BIG, GIANT
FURRY HORSE. >> OH.
AS YOU CAN SEE, AN AMAZING STAND-UP.
[ LAUGHTER ] HELLO.
I MEAN, RAPID FIRE STUFF IS KIND OF WHAT HE DOES.
SO IT WILL BE -- >> THAT'S HIS SPECIALTY.
>> HIS SPECIALTY. HE'S INTERESTING, HE'S SHY.
WHICH I THINK FOR APERFORMER -- IT'S YOUR FIRST STAND-UP, RIGHT,
JOE? >> YEAH.
>> YEAH. >> IT WILL BE HIS FIRST ONE.
>> HERE ON -- >> IF YOU'RE A HECKLER, COME ON
ALONG. GET IT OF YOU 0 YOUR SYSTEM IN
THE FIRST 20 MINUTES. >> RED HOOK TOMORROW NIGHT.
>> RED HOOK? RED BANK.
RED HOOK IS CAPTAIN JACK'S. RK TO RED HOOK.
>> AND CHECK YOUR WEBSITE.
>> CRAIGFERGUSONSHOW.COM, FIND OUT WHERE IT IS IN YOUR
NEIGHBORHOOD. >> AND DO YOUR SIRIUS SHOW