I am a professional psychologist. I'm also a dad. And today, you get 6 simple
rules for dating my teenage daughter.
This is not an easy topic for parents especially for dads. I've got 4
children. My first 3 were boys. My last one, my baby
is my daughter. And I tell her all the time I don't have favorites. But if I did...
Well, you know where I'm going with that. It's a little unnerving sometimes when
your kids get to the age that they can actually go out there and date. So, I came
up with these 6 rules because I think that helps me as a dad and I think it
also puts my daughter in the very best position possible. Rule number 1, treat
her with respect. Now, do I have to tell you what respect
means? I've asked a lot of people what is respect? I've even asked little kids 4
or 5 years old "what is respect?" You know what the number one answer is from
kids? "Be nice". Yeah, be nice. Respect has a whole lot to do with being
nice and just treating someone like a human being and not like an object.
That's particularly important if you've got a relationship with my daughter.
Rule number 2 has to do with a basic need that all parents have. And need for
information. You give me as much information as you can. And rule number
2 is tell me where you're going and tell me what you'll be doing. That's
important. That helps me not to worry too much. Now, a little afterthought for rule
number 2. You better give a little bit of thought to where you're going and
what you're doing if you're taking my daughter out. Because I need to be able
to approve of where you're going and what you're doing. Oh! And don't use a
period when you should have used a comma. Pay attention to your punctuation. Let me tell you
what I mean: "Oh! Mr. Jenkins, I'll be taking your daughter out to the movies
and then to get some ice cream [period]. Instead of a comma whereas "And then
we're going to go over to my buddy Spike's house and drink some alcohol." Alright?
Do you think that's important information? Well, if you don't feel like
you can share your information with me, you don't have any business taking my
daughter out. So, be careful about your punctuation too. Now, rule number 2 leads
right into rule number 3 remember in rule number 2 you're telling me where
you're going and what you'll be doing. Here's rule
number 3, go where you said you'd go and do what you said you do. Keep your
word. This is all about integrity. The quickest way to lose my trust is when
what you say doesn't match what I experience or what I find out later. So,
keep your word. Rule number 4 is going to require a little thinking on your
part if you want to take out my daughter. You need to know her well enough to know
what rules and expectations she has here in my home. Because the next thing you're
going to do is (here's rule rule number 4) tell me when you'll have her home. And be smart
enough to know when that needs to be. I don't want to have to spell it all out
to you. So, do a little bit of homework beforehand. You get to know her well
enough to find out what's the curfew, what are the expectations, what are the
rules and limits at your place. And then you're going to respect those rules and
limits. And when you tell me when you'll have her home, you already know when
she's supposed to be home. Be smart. Rule number 5 is that you will then have
her home 3 to 5 minutes before the required time. Now, why 3 to 5...
Don't bring her home 20 minutes early. I know that's one of the jokes,
"Have her home half-hour". No. If you bring her home 20 to
30 minutes before you said you'd bring her home, I'm thinking, "Well, what went
wrong? Did she not enjoy her time with you?" See, that raises flags in my
mind. You want to bring her home 3 to 5 minutes early. 3 to 5. I think
that's the magic window. Because what our mom and dad doing?
They're waiting up. They're wondering what's going to happen. Okay. So, you're
tracking that. You want them to be surprised, the parents. Right? You want me
as the dad to be surprised and pleased not only that you kept your word but
that you were tracking this. You were paying attention to the time. If you lose
track of it, if you come home right on time, that causes anxiety in the parents.
I'm just telling you the way it is. If you come home late, we got a problem. Even
if it's a minute or 2. Late. I know, I know, I know. Parents are a little too
uptight about this. Parents are probably a little overprotective. In fact, I've got
another video here on the channel about what to do when you're dealing with
overprotective parents. You can click to it right up there. Cue that one up for
your next view. And I think you'll get some good insights from that as well.
Parents are overprotective from time to time. The last thing you want to do is
get her home late. Trust me. Now, I have to tell you a little story before I tell
you rule number 6. We were on a little family vacation. I'm driving the family
through Las Vegas, Nevada. My daughter at the time was pretty young.
I think she was maybe 10 or 11 years old. And Las Vegas is a little different from
the small Utah town that we raised our kids in. And so, the kids are looking out
the windows of the SUV just looking around at all of this very
fascinating stuff that's going on in Las Vegas. And I remember my daughter saying,
"Dad, dad. Protect our virtue." Know what 10-11 year old says that. While my daughter
did. And she was being funny but she was also being serious about things she was
being exposed to that she had never seen before.
"Dad, protect our virtue." Here's rule number 6: If you're going to take out my
daughter or my son, any of my kids, you become a guardian of virtue. Now, think
about what that means. You will be her protector. You will shield her from all
of the unsavory influences that are all around out there. You will make sure that
she has a great experience where she's not challenged in her values, her morals,
the way that she's been raised. You're going to respect all of that. You might
be thinking, "Wait a minute. That's going to make it so that it's not much fun to
take out your daughter." Well, if your idea of fun violates any of my rules, you
don't have my permission to take her out anyway. And most parents are kind of like
me. Seriously, they want their kids to be happy. And they've raised them to
understand certain principles and rules and values and morals. Respect that. Pay
attention to that. You can develop a great relationship with not only people
that you want to date but with their parents. If you'll pay attention to those
6 rules. Whether you're a teenager that wants to date my teenage daughter or a
parent who's concerned about all of that, we've got a lot of material here for you
here on the channel. So glad that you're here. Spend a little bit of time in the
positive parenting playlist. If you're a teenager, I got one just for kids and
teens. Check out those playlists here on the channel. And by the way, I'm giving
away a free copy of my book. Click on the link down below in the description and
get one shipped out to you. We're doing that as a little celebration.