I'm gonna share it with you right here, right now.
If you wanna protect yourself.
If you wanna help yourself,
then you can't miss what I'm about to share with you.
So stay tuned.
Hey there. I'm Rebecca zung.
I am an attorney.
I'm a narcissist negotiation expert.
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So let's talk about the number one thing
that you should never do with narcissist.
I mean, there's so many things that you should never do with narcissists.
But in particular, the main thing that you should know is
that they're not regular reasonable people.
They don't think like regular reasonable people,
and they're not gonna act like regular reasonable people
and one of the things that I've come to understand is that their brains are really
actually different than regular reasonable people's brains are
and in the formation of narcissists,
when they were children,
what happened was they were opposed to some kind of trauma
or, you know, that fight or flight thing was going on with them
and they were in survival mode at all times.
You know what happens when
you're in survival mode and you're constantly,
like, you know, when you're afraid
and and those hormones are raging and you're like,
“oh my gosh, what's happening”
and you're brain is in that mode of survival.
Right?
So what happens is that lizard brain,
that limbic brain gets coded
in these certain types of chemicals.
What happened when they were children
is those chemicals just kept coming.
Right?
and they were in survival mode.
It really it actually caused their brains to
be soaked in these chemicals on a regular basis.
It caused literally this almost sort of like brain damage in a way,
but their limbic lizard brain
was permanently in this state of survival all the time
and so what happens now is they grow up,
they become adults and even
though the rest of their brains allows them
to function normally in a certain way,
and interact in a certain way
when they get presented with situations
that cause them to feel that
they're now having to go back into survival mode.
that they feel that they're now being triggered again
and they have to go back into that limbic brain mode.
They're now being triggered.
Now it's emotionally,
they're back there, and it's emotionally rage and,
you know, you see that narcissistic rage come flying
out and that's when you start to see
they go right back into where they were at that
age and you see them go crazy
and that's what happens to them
and so certain stimuli can cause it,
if they feel like they're being exposed,
if they feel like they're being embarrassed.
It's hard to know what might happen.
But if they feel in some way that they're being slighted.
Any little thing that can cause it,
can cause that narcissistic injury,
to be triggered.
It can cause that narcissistic rage to come flying out
and they're back there and that limbic brain
and that lizard brain and there it comes.
That narcissistic rage comes flying out
and so you cannot expect a narcissist
to act like a regular reasonable person.
In a situation, you cannot expect them
to act like you would in a situation
and so that's the number one thing that you cannot expect.
You cannot expect them to act like
you're going to act in a situation
and so it's the h ardest thing to process
because you you constantly want to overlay
reason to the situation.
Why are they being like this?
Why are they doing this?
It's so hard to process that they're gonna behave in a certain way.
I'll never forget one time when I was practicing law
and this client called me up from,
she was just leaving school bus line
and she had been dropping her kids off and the dad was there,
the co parent,
and they happen to meet up a car line
and there was a situation.
She was like, can you believe he did this?
And can you believe he did that?
you know,
of course, she had been telling me that he had been like
that for years and years and years
and I remember saying to her,
“yes, I can believe that he did those things.”
“What I can't believe is that you can't
believe it because isn't that how he is.”
You know, in other words, I wanted her to have a shift in mindset,
like always just expect him to act like that
because isn't that how he acts?
Isn't that how he is?
Right?
and if you can start to have a mindset shift of
expect them to act like that
and actually just be surprised if they
act like a regular reasonable person,
be pleasantly surprised if they do.
Then it will help you with dealing with it.
Right?
It will actually help you
and beyond helping you,
it will actually start to help protect you
because you're not going to be exposing yourself
constantly to these surprises
and you'll actually start to be able to
understand the personality type more.
You'll still start to be able to protect yourself more.
You will start to be able to understand
where and when you can document this more.
I actually have a whole video on YouTube
on five rules for surviving relationships with narcissists.
I highly recommend that you check that out
because you definitely wanna be able to
survive relationships with narcissists.
That will definitely help you
as well but the number one thing that you can really really do
for yourself is understand that
they're not regular reasonable people
and so they're not going to act like that.
They're not going to be that
and so stop being dumb to it.
The faster that you can stop yourself from,
they did this to me and they acted like that to
me and I am in this situation because
of them and they made me feel and blah blah blah.
Because every time you say,
he made me feel, she made me feel,
you are putting yourself in the situation of being a victim
and the more you can start to see that,
the faster you can turn it around
and make yourself into a
The faster you can decide that you are a victor
and you know what the the root of the word decide is?
It's actually side, which is to kill,
to cut off
and once you decide,
you're actually cutting off any other possibilities
and you actually get to choose what
your future is going to be.
You actually can choose where it is that you're going.
You actually can choose what your future is gonna look like
and there's such a redemptive power in that.
You actually get to choose what your future
is going to be and shift your mindset in that way
and stop thinking that they're going to change
and stop thinking that anything is going to be different
with them because it's not.
They're not able to be rehabilitated.
They're not going to change
and so stop thinking that they're going to be
regular reasonable people because they're not.
Forget about getting them to acknowledge you.
Forget about getting them to see your side.
Forget about getting them to see what kinds of things
you did for them because they're not going to.
I mean, you don't you're not gonna get closure out of them.
Unfortunately.
It's so unsatisfying.
I know.
Believe me.
I know.
But forget about whatever the past is.
Forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself or whatever happened in the past.
and give yourself your own closure
and just move forward from here
and understand who it is that you're dealing with
and make an agreement with yourself that you understand the
personality type that you're dealing with
and take care of yourself.
You know, you understand what it is that you're dealing with.
You cannot take it personally because hurt people hurt people.
You know, narcissists were hurt people long ago
and they cannot be changed at this point.
So understand the personality type that you're dealing with.
Understand that that's what happened to them.
Understand that there is a certain type
of strategy that you're gonna have to
employ in order to negotiate with them in a powerful way.
Understand that there is a certain type of leverage
that you're going to have to
create in order to deal with them in a powerful way
and that's part of my whole
SLAY Methodology,
Strategy Leverage Anticipate and focus on You
and that's a whole other conversation,
but you can do this.
You absolutely can do this
and you're gonna put that in the comments right now,
I can do this
because you can.
You absolutely can.
But you know,
the number one thing that you should never do
with narcissists is think that you
can interact with them like a regular reasonable person
and think that they're going to be a regular reasonable person
So just stop yourself every single time you think,
why are they acting like this?
and how come they're not doing this?
and every time you think that,
stop yourself and think because they're not.
Because they're not.
They're just not.
They don't think like you. They don't act like you.
They're not going to.
So stop yourself from thinking that way
because they're not going to be like you.
Right?
and the faster that you can get there,
the faster that you can understand that the
faster that you're gonn a be able to help yourself,
the faster you're gonna stop being a victim,
the faster that you're gonna start being a victor
because you will SLAY this,
you will sSLAY your negotiations,
you will SLAY your life,
and today is gonna be a great day to start negotiating your best life
because you're gonna subscribe to this channel.
You're gonna join my free private Facebook group.
Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung
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Crush my negotiation prep worksheet
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