Cayla: I used to think alopecia was,
a reason for me to hide away.
It made me feel like my hair was everything that I had to offer.
I lost all sense of my femininity,
and I struggled with depression and the feeling of utter loneliness.
Now, I think alopecia is empowering.
It's something that's shown me that I'm stronger than ever.
I started wearing wigs in my junior year of high school,
because I couldn't hide anymore
all the bald spots that were on top of my head.
I have this really pretty purple one.
This is what I would probably wear if I was going out,
and I wanted to wear hair.
This one's a little bit sassier.
My name is Cayla Harder. I'm 20 years old
and I'm living with alopecia.
Alopecia is an immune disease in which your white blood cells
attack your hair because they see it is completely foreign,
like a virus or a bacteria.
I have alopecia totalus which is no hair on my head,
but I have hair in other parts of my body.
My hair used to be one of my absolute favourite things about me.
Really, really long, thick hair.
When I was in eighth grade, I decided to get a haircut.
So I went to this hair salon and
she started pinning up parts and sections of my hair.
And she kind of had this weird look on her face.
And I asked her what was wrong and she said,
“Do you know you have bald spots?”
So then I ended up going to the doctor and the dermatologist
and they diagnosed me with alopecia.
I didn't even know what to do.
You know, as a girl your hair represents your femininity,
and to just kind of have that taken away from you
is really unfair.
And it was one of my favourite things about myself
that's just been stolen from me.
I wasn't as happy go-lucky. I wasn't as positive.
In my mind, everything was going to grow back,
I could hide it and stuff like that.
But when I started losing more and more and more of it,
it got harder to cope with.
Wondering if my wigs on right, if it looks real
or if it's going to fall off or someone's going to touch it.
I used to think alopecia was a reason for me to hide away.
I stopped caring what people thought of me when
I turned it into my trademark look.
I was tired of seeing all these patches in the mirror and
I just shaved my whole head and then
immediately after just posted it on Instagram.
It was this weight that had been lifted off my shoulder
and I could finally just go out and do whatever I wanted to do
and not have to worry about hiding anymore.
When I kind of came out about my alopecia more,
wigs weren’t really a scary hiding thing for me anymore.
I can show so much of my personality through wigs and you know,
short ones and long ones and colored ones and bright ones
and I get to pick, basically pick who I want to be every single time I wake up.
A lot of people started messaging me who have alopecia
or who have all these other kind of problems,
just basically saying how proud they were of me
and what I was doing for the alopecian community.
I get to show the world all the beautiful things that I can
make with a bald head.
And I get to meet all these kinds of people who
I never would have reached out to if I didn't have social media.
Hey, guys, welcome to my channel. My name is Cayla Harder,
and I'm going to tell you a little bit about my life with alopecia.
I thought my dating life would definitely be limited.
I didn't really put myself out there a lot
and I was really scared to kind of get into any kind of intimate relationships.
It was really hard for me to, to love myself.
But now it feels like people almost love me more,
because of my shaved head.
You know, I just kind of radiate a different sense of confidence,
and with a bald head that I couldn't do with a full head of hair.
Joel: There's so many things that Cayla that makes me like proud to
be here with her and proud to be her boyfriend.
You know, hair for women is such like a, like a personal thing.
So when she goes out bald and public, like, you know,
she'd be on my arm and I would just I love it.
I'd be smiling. I'd be radiant. I, I love her to death.
Cayla: The first time I came out to anybody
who wasn't a part of my close friend group,
was to an English teacher that I was really close with.
She had offered to help me with my personal statements
that I was sending to college.
That's how she really found out that I had alopecia.
Kelly: Do you remember writing this? Cayla: Oh, God,
it was a, seemed like a while ago.
Kelly: It was a while ago. Cayla: Let me see.
Being a 16, 17 year old girl with once gorgeous, thick and long hair,
to just patches of hair was indescribably devastating.
I felt like I lost all sense of my femininity,
and I struggled with depression and the feeling of utter loneliness.
But with the help of my friends and family,
I overcome the emotional obstacles.
Kelly: I always thought you were so beautiful and so smart.
When you're reading this, to me it makes my heart hurt for you.
Cayla: Yeah. Kelly: But I'm so glad who you are now.
I mean I'm so happy that you've gotten so past it,
and that you've taken what could be difficult and embraced it.
Cayla: I got there, but it took a long time to you know,
to get from where I was in high school.
Like when you knew me to like where I am now where I'm like, yeah,
I'm bald and I’m sexy like, you know. Kelly: Like thinking about it.
I want people to learn that alopecia is not debilitating,
and it's not a disease that can take over your entire life.
The worst thing you can say to someone with alopecia,
are you sick? Do you have cancer?
it's literally just something that can take your hair away and that's it.
Now I'm just owning it, living in my own skin
and embracing who I am.
My message to people who look different is
to embrace every single ounce of it.
And to just really let it shine through you,
because life is way too short to be hiding,
so you might as well love yourself.
I think alopecia is something that is empowering for me.
It, it just showed me a strength in myself
that I never knew I had before.