- What's the most ridiculous thing you've seen me do?
- Get married to me.
Does that count?
Tell me the story of when we first met,
but from my perspective.
(Sharleen chuckles)
- You had a lot of ziti.
- Yes.
- I know you had a lot of ziti that night,
and you were newly single,
and you were swiping on Tinder,
and you swipe right on a girl who invited you to an event,
and you were sort of like, "Okay, I don't know if I'm,
"I don't know if I'm into that, sure."
And then my favorite part is that there was a $50 cover.
And now that I know you better, I'm like,
I cannot believe you paid a $50 cover to go into this event.
- What are you saying?
- We don't like paying money to pay money.
- I had traveled far.
- And you went in, looked around,
saw the girl from across the bar
and felt like it wasn't really, she wasn't really for you.
So then you decided to escape.
You cut, you dipped around the corner,
sat on a sofa and decided to regroup
and figure out what were you gonna do,
what you were gonna do that night,
and then I sat next to you.
That was really really butchered.
- It was butchered, but well abridged.
I mean, we do have a full hour and 20 minute version
of this on our podcast.
- Yeah, we have too much,
we've told this story enough times
that it's easy to get them confused.
But we, we love our meeting story.
- It's a good story.
- I love our meeting story because everything about it
is not really in character for both of us.
- Yes.
It was March 29th.
- [Both] 2014.
- Check it.
A lot of rain, a lot of thunder, a lot of wind.
You decided by some strange miracle to go out alone as well
in this stormy night, but you just wanted to go out.
I think we both had a sense of FOMO of something
that we didn't know what it was.
- But now that I know what homebodies we both are,
it's, it's all the more amazing.
- Amazing.
So you went to this thing by yourself
and you were supposed to meet,
you were supposed to meet a friend, a guy.
I believe you did meet him, but he said, "I got to go",
ostensibly, I think to go do coke,
that was my theory, across the street.
- We'll never know for sure.
- We'll never know but that's, I'm sure that's what it was.
So he left mysteriously.
He's like, "I'll be back in," what, 20, 30 minutes?
And during that time,
you were just sort of just waiting around
and then he was kind of not showing up,
it was taking a while,
and you sat next to me where I had just previously sat
because I was trying to sort of escape a situation,
and you started texting him.
And I looked at you and I said...
- "What are you doing here?"
- Nice.
- Good pickup line.
- Well done.
- Okay.
When was the last time
you considered ending this relationship and why didn't you?
- Oh, I consider it every single time
you leave something on the floor, just in my way.
No, I've never, ever considered it.
Never for one split second.
- Really?
- Yup.
- Ever?
- Never.
I mean, in the moment, I've sort of, in a childish rage,
I've been like, "Well, I'll just leave."
Usually it's, I don't even, it's not even,
the thought isn't that I'll leave you,
the thought is like, "Well, I'll just kill myself."
No, but I mean, that's just, it's not a real thought.
- I know what you mean.
It's not a real thought.
It's, it's pure rage and it's irrational.
- I am, I never have thought about leaving you,
not for one second, and I never will leave you,
and I know that for a fact,
and I couldn't say that even in the first week
of dating girls that I was madly in love with in my past.
So you got me for life, sorry.
What do you think I'm hesitant to tell you?
That's a good question.
- These are good questions.
- Person in the sky.
- But I think, and this is such a cop out answer,
but I do think that one of the strongest foundations
of our relationship, and just the foundation of all,
what I believe strong relationships should be,
is that there's no hesitation to tell anything.
I literally tell you every single thing.
The only things that I possibly don't let you in on
are the deep deep existential fears I have,
but those are so neurotic, Jewish.
It's just too much.
It's too much, I keep those down.
- But the times you do let me in on that,
I just, speaking of feeling close, that's when I,
'cause I know they're there,
but I also know that you'll only let me see them
twice a year.
- Yeah.
It's usually when I'm in the dog,
coming out of the dog house.
- It's totally.
- I'll be like, "Incidentally".
- I almost feel like you do it to get out of the dog house.
You're like, "Look, I have these demons, okay?"
- Yeah yeah.
- And it works, 'cause I'm like,
"Oh, let me talk to you about it."
- Yeah.
I can see infinity, okay?
It's a heavy burden.
No, it's, it's like, but I've let you in on that.
And I think you also have similar existential fears
that you sometimes keep at bay.
And I, the reason I,
- I tell you more than you tell me.
- You tell me more than I tell you.
- Way more.
- It's true.
I'm a guy though.
I have a card, carte blanche to not tell everything.
Don't I, as a person with a penis?
- No, I think that you have,
I think there are deep fears within you,
but I feel like you don't even want to tell me
because you're afraid that I'll see you differently.
- No, it's not that I'm afraid you'll see me differently.
I'm afraid that they're so dark that I don't want you to be,
to suffer them.
They're so terrible that if I bring them out,
it's like I'm bringing demons into you.
It's, they're such horrible thoughts.
- But the thing is I don't,
when you tell me those things, I don't have the same,
I don't have the same reaction to those things.
- That's true.
You're, you're tough.
- We're tough in different ways.
- Yeah.
When do I feel most distant to you,
and what's your secret weapon for bringing me back?
- I mean, I would, I would tie it back
to the sort of dark side, the demons that you have
and how rarely you do share them with me,
even though I know they're there
and I think sometimes I can see you
kind of focusing on that more,
but then you still won't let me in.
I know that there are things you keep from me,
and I, what I think is funny
is that you think that I don't know
that you're keeping them from me.
It's cute.
- It is.
- Of course I know.
- Men are very simple.
- Well also, I get you.
- Mhmm.
- I can practically read your mind.
- It's incredible.
Just when I'm having those, those distant thoughts,
you're like, "So you wanna talk about something?"
I'm like, "Damn it, can't get away with anything here."
And I know I have a real secret weapon,
much more specific, that just, rubbing your head.
- I do love my head being rubbed.
- I have never met anyone in the world
who likes their head being rubbed more than you.
- Oh, this is embarrassing.
- And I would say that not only
do you like it more than sex,
you like it, if sex is a seven, it's a nine and a half.
It's not even close.
- I, there's nothing like a good head rub.
- Yeah, and if, no matter how angry at me you are,
or no matter how upset you are
or how distant or disconnected or whatever,
if I just come with a head rub,
it's just, you're like, you're like.
- I can't help it.
- It's just like.
It's amazing, it's almost, it's like.
- It's not fair.
- It's like you're just like Brian the dog in "Family Guy".
You, no matter how much you wanna be mad at me,
the head rub brings you to this animalistic place of love.
It's great.
- I agree, you're not wrong.
- I've given away your secret now.
Anyone, anyone who's in the dog house with you
is gonna start just weirdly rubbing your head.
- There's nothing like it.
If you could go back to our first date,
what advice would you give yourself
about being in a relationship with me?
- I would tell myself to not ever, for one minute,
take you for granted, because I have at times,
and I regret that.
- What?
- It's not a big enough table to flip.
That's the advice I would give myself.
I think that advice would make my old self realize
the weight of what I think you have to offer in my life.
Hmm, that's heavy.
If this were to be our last conversation,
what's something you'd never want me to forget?
(Sharleen laughs)
- Are you envious of me?
- Hmm.
- No, envious of my position having to answer that question.
- Are you being sarcastic?
- Yes.
That's a rough one.
- It's horrible.
You can do it.
- I would tell you that beyond all the things you know,
which is that I love you
and see you on the deepest of levels,
I would tell you that you're enough.
- Aww.
- You know what I mean.
Ugh God, these questions.
- Final question.
What's one experience you hope we will share in the future?
- I want to do everything with you, it's hard.
There's not enough time.
- Yeah.
- I have a couple.
I hope that we live somewhere else for a while that,
where you get to let your Disney character really fly free.
Maybe have a farm,
or just see you thrive in a non-city setting.
And I don't know, kids is always tough.
That's really my main driving force in wanting kids,
is 'cause I think you'd be such a good dad.
- Yeah, my, my, I lean towards saying to,
I just, to bring a little you into the world
just seems in theory.
- I'd rather it be a little you.
- I know, that's the problem.
You want a little me, I want a little you.
Idealistically, I do want us to experience that.
I know we're going to have to go through some,
a lot of mental work to get to that place.
- Yeah.
- But I do feel like that's an experience
I want to have with you,
and I do want us to be in a place someday
where we're both doing things that we love,
ideally together.
- Yeah.
- And where we can just wake up in the morning
and both look at each other
and know that there's no conflict in our direction
and where we're going.
And, on top of that, we have each other.
- Yeah, it's a bonus.
Last question.
What does my love feel like?
- It feels like I have a superpower.
That's, it feels like you give me, it's like,
whenever there's hardship, whenever I'm down,
whenever things don't seem
exactly the way I want them to be,
I think of you and it's like Popeye to spinach.
It's just (imitates battery filling)
- Topped up.
- Yeah.
It feels, it feels truly like a superpower.
I feel like you energize me no matter how down I am
and no matter how crappy I feel about myself,
there's this perpetual,
like I'm constantly plugged in to the outlet.
- That was a good answer.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Why, Thank you.
- Mine is,
I'm just such a chronic doubter
and I lack confidence in so many ways
or just not confidence in my choices and decisions,
and I just, you're the thing on this planet
about which I could not be more sure.
And it's, that's my, I don't know,
what's, what's, when you, you said?
- Elixir?
- No, not elixir.
It's like your my...
- Superpower?
- Not superpower, although that is very sweet.
Like a lighthouse.
- Beacon.
- Thank you!
- Nice.
Sorry, I wasn't listening enough to the question.
I was just thinking of words.
Beacon, got it.
- It gives me faith in myself in other arenas in my life
to know that I have the right instincts
and that I can make choices that I won't regret
because I chose you and I'm 100% confident in that decision,
seven plus years later.
And I haven't felt that way about anything else in my life.
So it's like, I got that.
- So what does it feel like?
Like a warm blanket?
- Kind of.
(both laugh)
- Nice.
- A weighted blanket.
- Oh, a weighted blanket, most underrated thing on Earth.
- A warm weighted blanket.
- Yeah, I think we are warm weighted blankets
for each other.
- Yeah.
Anxiety suppressing.
- Yeah, always exciting, even when things are boring,
to be with you.
- I love you, that's sweet.
- I love you too.
- Hey, it's Ashika here from The Skin Deep.
Thank you so much for being here
and watching this conversation.
If you want to have more meaningful conversations
like this at home,
some of our best questions are in this card game right here.
To check it out, go to shop.theskindeep.com.
Thank you.