- Hey, you wanna go on a date?
Let me impress you with my poop!
Okay, so that sounded weird, and obviously a human
could never get away with something like that,
but believe it or not there are animals
that do something very similar to that, and much weirder.
(chirping)
Here are the 10 weirdest animal mating rituals.
Number 10 is the red-sided garter snake.
The red-sided garter snake, native to the United States
and Canada, can have some massive breeding sessions
during their mating season.
Areas of Manitoba, Canada are known to get
up to 10,000 of them at any time.
The only problem is the female-to-male ratio
can sometimes enter the 1-to-100 range
during these snake orgies.
(hissing) No, it's my turn. (hissing)
Give me a second, I'm going at it! (hissing)
This massive snake fest turns into a violent race
for first copulation, with hordes of males
swarming a single female and forming a large,
writhing ball of eager snakes around her.
And if she isn't powerful enough to escape the crowd,
she could become too constricted and die.
The males are actually more drawn to a female
if she's being engaged by other males,
rather than if she was alone,
meaning that part of the attraction is the struggle itself.
You know how humans want what we can't have?
Well it's basically the same thing,
if 100 guys were swarming a female,
which would be disturbing.
Number nine is the bowerbird.
(chirping)
Bowerbirds, native to Australia and New Guinea
have an exceptionally labor-intensive mating ritual.
To attract females, the male bowerbirds
must first build small hut or monument for the mating area,
which commonly consists of two walls
formed like a tunnel hole.
These bowers are made with tons of little twigs
and an acute attention to detail.
(whistling) Don't bother me,
I'm building a love nest. (whistling)
Once the bower is complete, the male must decorate
his new place with colorful items,
often stealing them from other males,
and position them on the ground in front of it.
If he's proven himself to be a talented constructor
and decorator, a female will drop in to examine his work.
If everything is to her satisfaction,
the male will then perform a full dance routine
in front of her, complete with movement, posing,
dilating pupils, staring, and strange guttural noises.
(cawing) You ready, baby, I'm dancing for you? (cawing)
Let's do this thing!
Number eight is the Mandarin fish.
Mandarin fish live in the coral reefs of the Pacific Ocean.
When mating, the male and female join together
and rise above the reef to create a small cloud of eggs
and a cloud of sperm to fertilize them.
As nature dictates, it's usually the larger
and tougher Mandarin fish that breed with the females,
leaving the smaller fish with no way
to further the family line.
But some of the smaller fish have figured out
how to bypass all the competition with all the other males
and hijack a few fertilizations for themselves
without ever having to put effort into courting the female.
The cloud of egg and sperm that's left floating
will sometimes become the victim of a,
for lack of a better term, swim-by shooting!
In other words, the single males swim by
and add some of their own sperm to the cloud.
Some will wait until a couple is in the process of mating,
and then ambush them with a ...
you know, a little (squirts).
Woo, gotta get in their quick!
(giggling)
Number seven are bonobos.
Bonobos are kind of like the free-spirited hippies
of the chimpanzee family, man, and are only found
in the Democratic Republic of Congo in Africa.
Bonobo groups are primarily led by dominant females
who also take on the sole responsibility
of raising any young that they produce.
Though they bear great responsibilities,
they also lead fairly happy lives
filled with sexual encounters.
Bonobos actually approach sex in a casual
and noncommittal way by using it as a technique
to unwind, calm down after a fight, and even just say hello.
Imagine if humans were like that.
Hey, I just wanted to say hi. (grunting)
They also engage in sexual acts regularly
with multiple partners and even same-sex partners
because this type of monkey love
knows no bounds and does not discriminate!
Bonobos have been observed displaying oddly human-like
signs of affection, including cuddling,
facing each other while mating, and making out.
Imagine two monkeys making out.
I wouldn't know if they were kissing
or trying to each others face.
(shrieking)
Number six are hippos.
Hippos are big, adorable members of African wildlife
and are commonly known for swimming around
and making mud baths.
But their bad hygiene gets dialed up to 11
when the ladies come around,
and their vile behavior becomes a way of saying,
"Hey, check me out!"
So you might be wondering,
"Matt, how does a hippo mark their territory
"and make themselves an attractive mate?
"I gots to know."
Well, obviously by taking an enormous dump
while making a helicopter motion with his tail,
flinging it everywhere and peeing while it's happening!
I don't think I can ever play Hungry Hungry Hippos again.
Hopefully, the horrid smell is enough to draw in
a suitable mate that will join the male in the water,
where they will float and position themselves.
Okay, get ready, I just pooped!
Doing it in the water allows the male to mount easier,
but leaves the female submerged under his weight
during the process, which can now be dangerous
if she doesn't take a breath.
Again, imagine a human doing all that.
You're welcome for the visual.
Number five are honey bees.
The world's population of honey bees is declining fast.
And while the use of pesticides
contributes the most towards their demise,
um, the fact that their junk explodes and kills them
doesn't help much either!
When the queen bee is ready to reproduce,
she's surrounded by many male drone bees
who will attempt to mate with her.
And that sounds great, except that,
when one of the drones succeeds,
his endophallus will rip off his body upon climax
and stay inside the queen. (heaves)
This rips out part of the drones insides
and causes them to die in the most unpleasant way.
However, if the now castrated drone
somehow manages to survive the horrible ordeal,
he's quickly banished from the colony and left to die.
And in the most savage way, his drone brothers
will also attempt to mate with the queen
by scooping out whoever's exploded dong was left behind
and replacing it with their own before, um, also dying!
This episode is just full of wonderful visuals.
Exploded dong?
Don't mind if I do!
Number four are giraffes.
Giraffes, found throughout southern and eastern Africa,
have some strange ideas of what is socially acceptable
when looking for a mate.
When male giraffes are in the mood,
they'll follow a female around
until they can get a good taste of their urine.
In a disgusting act of sexual investigation,
they'll drink the female's fresh urine
to taste for estrous, which signifies
that her body is ready to receive the male.
Once the male has taken a sample
that he finds to be desirable,
he will attempt to woo the female by nudging her
with his head, resting on her body or licking her tail.
And he does all that with the pee mouth?
Okay, great.
Once she gives in and accepts the male,
he does the deed and sets off in search
of another well-hydrated female to stalk.
Man, these giraffes just get busy!
A giraffe pregnancy can last between 400 and 460 days!
And then the calf is born, destined to grow up
and repeat the cycle of weirdness.
Number three are argonauts.
Male argonauts live their lives
with very little regard for their own reproductive organs.
Argonauts are small octopi that live in tropical areas
of the open ocean, and are also known as paper nautiluses.
The amazing thing about these creatures is that the male
will use a special tentacle arm called a hectocotylus
to transfer his sperm to the female.
Gentlemen, this is only for this creature!
Don't ever go up to a woman an be like,
"You wanna see me hectocotylus?"
But once the arm is inserted in her,
he'll rip it off his own body and leave it there
to continue delivering his seed.
Yes, these octopi essentially insert
and detach their own genitalia,
and just move on like nothing ever happened.
Keep in mind this is a little odd, given the fact
that penises don't grow in endless supply.
The males have a fairly short lifespan,
with only about two weeks,
which actually puts the whole sperm throwing and running
into perspective a little better.
Sorry, but (grunts) I gotta get that done,
I'm gonna die soon.
Number two is the flatworm.
Turbellaria flatworms look like flat, colorful slugs
that flop and twist around in the water
and participate in some pretty disturbing sword fights.
They're hermaphroditic, and their matting process
starts off as a fight to be the father.
The flatworms use their dual penises as a weapon
to try to make a deep enough incision
to inseminate the other in an act
more commonly known as penis fencing.
Okay, here we go, you're gonna get pregnant!
A match can last a whole hour
before one of the flatworms loses
and wiggles away with a whole set
of upcoming children to provide for.
The reason for the violent penis gouging
is because both worms are capable of producing children
and would both prefer to be the one to spread their seed
and move on without having to raise their children.
Man, this ritual sure does make a traumatic
How I Met Your Father story for the kiddies.
And number one is the angler fish.
You've probably seen the angler fish before.
They're those creepy, deep sea dwelling creatures
that use a small glowing lure on their head
to trick their prey.
Every singe terrifying example
that you've likely seen of this fish was female.
Male angler fish are actually very small in comparison
and do not look anywhere near as intimidating
as a fully grown female.
In fact, the males are so useless
that their own method of surviving long enough to reproduce
is for them to bite and latch onto the female for life.
After their grip is secured, the males release enzymes
that will literally fuse their bodies with the females,
turning them basically into a sentient tumor
and allowing them to feed off the nutrients
that the female ingests after a long day of hunting.
Literally, the male's only purpose
is to create sperm so that the female
can fertilize her eggs, and other than that
he just breathes with his gills.
Come on, male angler fish, I know you got more in you!
Do something nice for the fishy community!
Don't just be a sentient tumor, that's disturbing.
So that was the 10 weirdest animal mating rituals.
And if you guys enjoyed this,
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Thank you guys for watching, and I'll see you next time.
Angler fish out!
(chomping)