-That's what I'm talking about. -Jimbo!
-Tracy Morgan. I love you, buddy.
Welcome back to the show. -You know it.
-Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for being here on Thanksgiving.
-You too, baby. It's holiday season, man.
-It is. I love it. -It's going down.
-It's going down.
-But, you know, holiday season
is different in white households than black households.
-Thanksgiving is different than...?
-You know --- the holidays. You know?
See, white people, y'all got Easter,
Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, New Year's.
-Yeah. -In the black household,
we got two holidays -- the 1st and the 15th.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Laughs ] What?
-That's when you get your welfare check.
-Oh, I did not know that. Oh, I did not know that.
-The 1st and the 15th. -I did not know.
-That's a holiday. -Yeah.
But Thanksgiving is the same, though, right?
-No, like, Thanksgiving
is different in a black household, man.
White house, everybody's cool.
They have a [bleep] good time and all that.
And, you know, in black household,
when they pop open that Smirnoff, it's going down.
You got them two heavyweight uncles.
They're always still fighting over the same stuff every year.
They start the fight about one of them saying,
"Well, we can move some furniture in here.
We'll move some furniture."
-Wait. So they move furniture? -"We're gonna move furniture.
We're big. We gonna start fighting.
We gonna move some furniture."
-[ Laughs ] That's not true at all.
-Yeah. -No.
-Yes, it is. -Well, how about you?
Do you have family over the house to celebrate?
-No.
[ Laughter ]
-Why? -I get a small turkey.
That's it. -Just you and a small turkey?
-Yeah, just me and a small turkey.
They start asking for that Walmart money.
No!
[ Laughter ]
No!
If you make me explain that "no" one more time...
-Yeah, yeah. So the family all wants the Walmart money.
-Yeah. Who wouldn't?
-That's terrible. -It just gets crazy. You know?
Some people -- Some people -- Some family members
don't give gifts as big as, you know --
Everybody can't get hit by a Walmart truck.
So you don't get no Walmart gift.
You get Bob's Discount Furniture gifts.
[ Laughter ]
You get Raymour & Flanigan gift.
[ Laughter ]
You don't get Walmart gifts. -Raymour & Flanigan.
-Right, Quest? You don't get that gift.
-Well, tomorrow -- -When your daddy get hit
by a Walmart truck, then you can get that.
[ Laughter ]
-Tomorrow is, uh -- -Tomorrow is what, Jimmy?
-That might be the first time you called me Jimmy.
-I call you Jimbo all the time.
-Yeah. -That's weird.
-That's my man. That's my man Jimbo.
-Tomorrow is Black Friday.
-Ah, see, Black Friday. I don't get down with that.
Black Friday is crazy.
You can lose your life in the Best Buy.
[ Laughter ]
You could lose your life out there, Jimbo!
Going up in that Best Buy.
I would be so mad if I got trampled to death
on a Black Friday. I would get to heaven.
I would just be looking at God like this.
[ Laughter ]
"All the other stuff I did?
And I got to lose my life because somebody decided
to slash prices on a 27-inch Zenith?!"
[ Laughter ]
-A Zenith. I didn't know they make Zeniths anymore.
-Yeah, they make Zenith! -I don't know.
-And they also make Frigidaire.
I know where to get a Frigidaire.
My grandfather had a Frigidaire. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm old-school, man! -Yeah, I know.
-I still turn my TV with clippers.
[ Laughter ]
Come on! Come on!
[ Cheers and applause ]
That was when "Good Times" was --
♪ Just looking out of the window ♪
[ Laughter ]
-Damn, damn.
[ Laughter ]
-We have some big news we may or may not talk about tonight.
-What? -Well, you told me backstage --
-The government?
-Yeah.
-With the government? -Yeah.
-Yeah, I'm the whistleblower.
[ Laughter ]
Me! I'm the whistleblower.
-Now, Tracy, you can't just say that, though.
-No, I'm the whistleblower! I told Trump.
I told D. Trump,
"Give me my money, or I'm-a blow this whistle.
I want my money, D. Trump."
-He owes -- -He owes me $37.50!
-What? -He said, "50 cent? You petty."
And my obese aunt said --
Like she always said, "You damn right.
You damn right."
-Yeah. So he owes you --
And I'm-a keep on blowing until I get my money, D. Trump.
You damn right.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Well, we've known each other forever, man.
I saw you last week on "SNL" with Will Ferrell.
And you were unbelievably funny. I love seeing it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
You two together.
-I went home. -You two together.
-Whenever, man, you go back to "SNL,"
we're at home, man, and the lasagna is great.
Six different cheeses. -Yeah.
Isn't it fun to go see all the people, same people,
and you go, "Oh, my gosh. I remember this person."
-Yeah, yeah.
And still blowing that whistle
'cause people there owe me money.
I'm a whistleblower, America.
But the government is always on me anyway,
especially around tax time.
They always on me. -They do?
'Cause they feel like something went down?
-Ain't nothing go down. I pay my taxes on time.
-Yeah. Yeah.
Maybe they just want to hang out with you, talk to you?
-They always want to hang out. You know what the IRS stand for?
I Run "S."
I can't say the word "S" on TV.
[ Laughter ]
-It is a family program. I appreciate you --
-Absolutely.
You know why Uncle Sam got that --
when he's pointing at you? -Yeah?
-"I want my money."
That's what he's saying.
-Can we talk about "SNL," though?
'Cause I heard a story that you met Lorne
years before you were on "Saturday Night Live."
-I did. I was working at Yankee Stadium,
in the old stadium, gate 4.
-For real? -Yeah, gate 4.
And he used to go to gate 4,
and I overcharged him for some souvenirs.
You know, the little Yankee bat and two pink shirts.
It was like -- It came out to $25.
I charged him $75 'cause I knew he was Lorne Michaels.
Then one day, was was in the office at 3:00 in the morning,
and I left some money on his desk.
He said, "Tracy, what's this for?"
I said, "I overcharged you.
Now I'm getting 'Saturday Night Live' money."
So, yeah, I gave it back to him.
-Overcharged him for two pink shirts...
-Yeah. Of course. And the little bats.
-[ Laughs ] Uh... -"You damn right."
[ Laughter ]
-Here's what I'm talking about. -That's my aunt.
I love my aunt, man, 'cause she got bingo wings.
-What's that? -She's obese.
She got bingo wings.
Like, when you hit bingo, you hit bingo -- "Bingo!"
And the wings start...
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's bingo wings.
[ Laughter ]
"Bingo!"
-Everyone's ducking.
People ducking and diving out of the way.
-I used to count her stretch marks on her stomach.
-Hey, not all of us had toys, you guys.
-We did. We did. That was our Christmas.
[ Laughter ]
-That was your Christmas?
I want to talk about
your stand-up special, your stand-up tour.
Because I have seen you do stand-up hundreds of times.
-It's goin' down. Yeah. -And it's phenomenal.
Please go see Tracy.
You're doing January 25th, Lakeville, Pennsylvania,
and you're doing February 21st, Red Bank, New Jersey.
-I'm in D.C., too. -You're in D.C.?
-Yeah, they got me in D.C. somewhere on there.
I got to be careful 'cause D. Trump gonna be out there.
-Yeah, let's see when that is.
-He ain't happy about me blowing that whistle.
-He's not psyched about that at all.
No, but he should just pay you back $37.50.
It's not a big deal.
Mr. President, if you're watching -- He does watch.
-Please give me my money, D. Trump.
-Just give him the money back. That's all.