But let's move on now...
to the big story rocking the world right now.
It's the news out of Britain.
Britain, home of the Queen,
cricket, and the world's worst weaves.
Last week in a referendum,
British people voted to leave the European Union,
which, uh, you're probably aware of,
because all your friends on Facebook
are suddenly experts on British politics.
Yeah, even though the last British event they commented on
was the series finale of
Now, For those of those... for those of you
who don't pretend to know what's going on, uh,
most European countries belong to the European Union, right?
It's a partnership that lets them trade freely
with each other, and allows citizens
to live and work in each others' countries.
The EU is basically friends with benefits,
but instead of bodily fluids,
they're exchanging goods and services.
That's what's happening.
Now, the thing is, in the-in the last few years,
more and more British people have gotten fed up
with the EU, uh, especially because it doesn't let Britain
control its own immigration policy.
So Thursday, 52% of them voted to leave the EU.
What they didn't realize was,
they were also voting for money to leave the UK.
It would be hard to overestimate
both the shock and the consequences of this vote.
It has sent the markets into chaos across the globe.
WOMAN:
against the dollar since 1985.
Yeah!
Serves you right. (chuckles)
Yeah, because Nationalists are always insisting
on chasing people out of their country--
forgetting that you're also chasing the foreigner cash
out with them.
"I'll tell you what we don't need in this country,
"a lot of bloody foreigners coming in
"and making things worse.
"Get out of here, you bloody foreigners.
"Go on. Go... oh, wait, where's the money going?
"Where's the money going?
"Where's the money?
"Oh, I didn't know your money spoke Portuguese.
Come back, come back, come back!"
-Look, now this is really a confusing situation. -(laughter)
Some believe that the UK is headed for disaster.
Some believe the economy will stabilize over time.
And some don't even know what the hell they were voting for.
The second most Googled term inside the UK is,
"What is the European Union?"
-Adam, you voted to leave. -I did.
What are you thinking right now?
I didn't think that was gonna happen.
My vote I didn't think was gonna matter too much,
'cause I thought we were just gonna remain.
I voted out.
I don't really think that we should have, really.
-So maybe you're regretting your vote now this morning? -Yeah.
The whole family this morning, even though the majority of us
voted to leave, we are actually regretting it today.
I wish we had the opportunity to vote again,
simply because I would do so many things differently.
"Yeah, I didn't realize that it was a real vote.
"I just thought we were testing if the pens worked. Yeah.
"I didn't even know that votes counted, yeah?
"Wait. If voting is real,
"then why do we have a queen anyway, yeah?
"Yeah, and why does she get to live in a nice house?
"You know what? I say we vote on whether or not we have a queen.
Come on, everybody! Our votes count. Yeah!"
(cheers and applause)
You know what?
I don't blame British people
for not understanding what they were voting for,
'cause this is something
that has perplexed me for a long time.
I mean, they called this whole thing "Brexit."
Who the hell came up with that name? Brexit.
"Brexit" does not sound like a decision to sever economic ties
that would have a lasting geopolitical consequence.
"Brexit" sounds like
what a hipster names their second-born son.
-That's what Brexit is. -(laughter)
"Uh, this is Max and this is Brexit.
Brexit's the one with the beard, yeah, yeah."
Like, "Brexit" sounds like brunch for people on the go.
"Should we have bunch?"
"I only have 20 minutes. Let's do Brexit."
-That's what it sounds like. -(laughter)
People, can we agree on something in society?
If we have an important issue,
let's give it an important-sounding name.
For instance, back in the day,
when Lincoln made the case for the abolition of slavery,
I'm not sure he would have had the same outcome
if he was like, "So, you guys down for slexit?
-Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?" -(laughter)
You got to make it sound important.
And what's really scary here is that there were some people
who knew exactly what they were voting for.
And they didn't necessarily want Britain to leave the EU,
but they just felt that the vote was the only way
that they could express their frustration.
What you just heard was a protest vote,
and there were a lot of those--
people, you know, who were fed up
with the elites telling them what to do.
MAN:
when he voted leave.
They come around scrounging for your vote...
(speaking indistinctly with thick accent)
-Exactly. -(laughter)
Yeah. Just think about what that man said for a minute.
(laughter)
And see if it doesn't change your perspective.
Think about it.
I'm sorry. I realize
some of you might not have understood his accent.
Can we play that again with subtitles please?
(laughter)
Ah.
-(applause and cheering) -Yeah.
I know because of his accent,
the situation seems really funny,
but this guy voted purposefully
to shock the system because he was angry.
Either that, or the fish is on sale.
I don't know, but I'm going to go with the former.
And that man's sentiment is not unique to the UK.
There are many people all over the world, including the U.S.,
who feel disenfranchised, they feel ignored.
And they're willing to vote for something completely crazy
because they think it will be better than what they have.
So Britain, I need to ask you a favor.
If you are going to collapse
into a scone-less, post-apocalyptic hell-scape,
please could you do it before America's election day?
(laughter)
-Just so that... -(applause and cheering)
Just so that the people here can learn from your mistakes.