WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HEAR THAT?
THAT IS FRIDAY.
I KNOW A LOT OF YOU MIGHT BE UPSET ABOUT THE RESULTS OF THE
ELECTION BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THE MAN WHO WON IT.
BECAUSE TRUMP'S COMMISSION ON ELECTION INTEGRITY HELD ITS
FIRST MEETING.
>> I'M HONORED TO WELCOME YOU HERE TODAY AS THE PRESIDENTIAL
BIPARTISAN ADVISORY COMMISSION ON ELECTION INTEGRITY PREPARES
TO CONDUCT THEIR FIRST MEETING.
VERY, VERY IMPORTANT.
THIS COMMISSION IS TASKED WITH UPHOLDING THE INTEGRITY OF THE
BALLOT BOX, AND THE PRINCIPAL OF ONE CITIZEN, ONE VOTE.
>> STEPHEN: YES.
ONE CITIZEN, ONE VOTE.
BUT HE DIDN'T SAY CITIZEN OF WHAT COUNTRY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: OH, WHOA!
HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY THAT!
>> Stephen: WE CALL THAT A LOOPHOLE.
( APPLAUSE ) THIS WHOLE COMMISSION STARTED
AFTER TRUMP LOST THE POPULAR VOTE AND TWEETED THIS, BACK IN
NOVEMBER -- "IN ADDITION TO WINNING THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE IN A LANDSLIDE, I WON THE POPULAR
VOTE, IF YOU DEDUCT THE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO VOTED ILLEGALLY."
( BOOING ) >> Stephen: I KNOW.
BUT REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO READ A TRUMP TWEET AND THINK,
"WELL THAT'S IT.
IT'LL NEVER GET CRAZIER THAN THIS!"
( LAUGHTER ) JUST A REMINDER, THERE'S NEVER
BEEN ANY EVIDENCE THAT WIDESPREAD VOTER FRAUD EXISTS.
A REVIEW OF THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION FOUND JUST
FOUR CASES OF DOCUMENTED VOTER FRAUD, OUT OF MORE THAN 134
MILLION BALLOTS CAST.
AND HALF OF THOSE WERE PEOPLE TRYING TO VOTE FOR A NEW
SKITTLES COLOR.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S GOT TO BE BLUE.
BUT, IF WE ALREADY KNOW THERE WEREN'T MILLIONS OF ILLEGAL
VOTES, THEN WHAT IS THIS COMMISSION DOING?
THE MAN WITH THE ANSWER IS KANSAS SECRETARY OF STATE AND
GUY WHO HAS DEFINITELY HIT A MANATEE WITH HIS BOAT, KRIS
KOBACH, WHO THE A.C.L.U. HAS CALLED "THE KING OF VOTER
SUPPRESSION."
AND THE COMMISSION ISN'T JUST QUESTIONING THE LAST ELECTION.
THEY'RE ALSO MESSING WITH THE NEXT ONE BECAUSE ONE OF THE
FIRST ACTIONS WAS REQUESTING THE FULL NAMES, ADDRESSES, BIRTH
DATES, POLITICAL AFFILIATIONS AND VOTING HISTORIES OF EVERY
REGISTERED VOTER IN THE COUNTRY.
THAT -- THAT -- ( BOOING )
-- YES, THAT IS SO WRONG.
VOTING IN THIS COUNTRY IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THOSE BOOTHS WITH THE CURTAIN-- SO YOU CAN
GO IN THERE, VOTE IN SECRET, AND TRY ON A FEW PAIRS OF PANTS
WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: SO PEOPLE ARE WORRIED ABOUT
WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF THEY HAND THEIR PRIVATE INFORMATION OVER
TO THE COMMISSION.
SO, TRUMP FOLKS CALMED THOSE FEARS BY RELEASING 112 PAGES OF
UNREDACTED EMAILS OF PUBLIC COMMENTS, WITHOUT DELETING THE
SENDERS' EMAIL ADDRESSES.
IT'S A SIMPLE MISTAKE.
YOU KNOW THAT THING WHERE YOU ACCIDENTALLY HIT "C.C." INSTEAD
OF "B.C.C."?
AND THEN HIGHLIGHT ALL THE EMAILS AND HIT "CONTROL C," AND
THEN PASTE THEM ONTO YOUR WEBSITE AND HIT "PUBLISH"?
OOPS.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT TRUMP HAD SOME ENCOURAGING
WORDS FOR ANY STATES THAT ARE FEELING HESITANT ABOUT VIOLATING
THEIR VOTERS' PRIVACY.
>> IF ANY STATE DOES NOT WANT TO SHARE THIS INFORMATION, ONE HAS
TO WONDER WHAT THEY ARE WORRIED ABOUT.
AND I ASK THE VICE PRESIDENT, I ASK THE COMMISSION, WHAT ARE
THEY WORRIED ABOUT?
THERE'S SOMETHING.
THERE ALWAYS IS.
>> STEPHEN: "IF YOU LOOK INTO ANYTHING, THERE'S ALWAYS
SOMETHING-- EXCEPT WITH RUSSIA, THAT'S FAKE NEWS."