Have you noticed that it's hard and, I think getting harder, to have a conversation with your
growing girl. You just want to talk to her - to find out how she's doing, even how her
day went and what you often get is this or a very distracted young girl. She can interrupt
or over talk or just plain ignore you. It can be so frustrating but - here's the thing - I'm
going to flip the script on you because sometimes this is exactly what we do to her. We are so busy
texting and scrolling through our social media feeds, we have so much on our minds, we can
interrupt her, we can not listen well, we can ignore HER. So in this video, I am going to give
you five tips on how to have a better conversation with your growing girl. Are you ready?
The first tips - probably the most important - we don't want to multitask. I, like many of you,
PRIDE myself on doing 5, 000 things at once (really) but when we're doing so many different
activities we can't truly listen. We cannot be present, we cannot pay attention, we will miss all
the details of her stories. The brain simply can not have divided attention. Any divided attention
is compromised attention so whatever it is you're doing - whether it's the laundry or the dishes,
catching up on your emails, or even just thinking about something that happened during the day,
try to put that on PAYUSE. Try to look at her and try to just be present in the moment,
in the feeling, in the conversation. She will know it and she will definitely feel it. The second tip
is to try not to lecture or problem solve. And I know it's easy...she'll tell us a problem and we
think - "That's easy; I've done that before; I know exactly what to do." That's not really
the point of having a conversation with her and having her feel that she's sorting
through or working through and growing in her day-to-day experiences. So, try not to lecture,
try not to correct or criticize, and really just know that she is going to get a lot,
not only from your presence, but from your ability to just listen -non-judgmental listening with
a little bit of curiosity - as long as you're not interrupting and really letting her be the
expert on what it is that she's trying to tell you or teach you or explain to you. We are all
experts in different ways and when she's having a conversation with you, let's put the spotlight on
her and let her be the expert so that she can show you or share with you or she can shine!
The third tip is to ask really open-ended questions. I think we all fall into the
trap of questions that are closed, that are just going to require a simple "yes", "no",
"maybe", or "fine" answer. None of those are going to open up the conversation to
anything - to anything great -so you want to ask open-ended questions. So instead of,
"How was your day"" which she will probably say, "fine to" or "How are you today?" "good".
"Is there anything on your mind?" "no". I want you to ask open questions like, "I'd really love
to hear about your day today" or if she tells us something, we can dive in deeper and say
"Explain please" or "I'd love to hear some details!" or "Is there anything on your mind that
you would be wanting to share with me and talk about?" and see if you can just open
up the conversation a little bit to get more information. It's a conversation opener and
starter and I hope - fingers crossed - that it actually leads to a substantial conversation.
The fourth tip is make sure that you remember that her experience is her experience. I know it's easy
to make connections and to say, "me too" or "that happened to me as well" because our intention is
that we want her to feel that it's a normal experience but when we say those things she
can really feel like we are taking away from her story, that we're stealing the spotlight, that we
are maybe even eclipsing her experience and what matters to her. So, if she's telling you a story,
keep the story on her. She's sharing her feelings, through her feelings, if she's sharing her stress
and anxiety, it's her stress and anxiety. Try to make it only about her and not about you
because it's so so vital that she has a chance to just get all of your time and all of your
attention and know that this conversation is about her when she enters conversations where she
gets to talk about what's on her mind and in her heart she is so encouraged to keep having
those kinds of conversations knowing that we're not going to take her experience away from her
and make it about us and probably talk a little bit too much sharing our own stories.
It's not to say your stories aren't important but they could be for you know someone someone close
to you or they could even be for your journal. The fifth and final tip that I wanted to share with
you in having a good conversation with your growing girl is to really go with HER flow.
I think often all of us in conversation are listening - kind of - but we're thinking
about what we want to say and after the person finishes and we go to make her comment sometimes
that comment is just not even relevant anymore or that conversation has passed.
Sometimes we go back to a few minutes ago in the conversation and we want to really make our point
because it was such a good one. And, time has passed and it's actually now moot point. So,
go with her flow. If she's talking, we want her to take the lead and be in charge and
just really let her be the leader and follow her wherever she wants the conversation to go - go
there! We can let go of that control where we're trying to you know, solve the problem, or give the
lecture, or teach the lesson. Just let her do the work. Go with her flow. You're gonna have
a much more fluid conversation. So these are the five tips that I truly hope helped you in having a
good conversation with your growing girl. I would love love love if after watching this video and
having a conversation with your daughter -if you could leave a comment and just let me know which
tip or tool you tried and how that went. It's so great to hear your stories and to just really feel
that the tips and the advice are working. I would love to hear from you so as always thank
you for joining me thank you for staying right to the end of this video. Feel free to subscribe
if you haven't, share, like, and, of course, comment. See you in the next video! Bye for now!