you know it's really annoying when you
punch yourself in the face but lately
what I'm finding more annoying is cats
the lighting and howling through the
nights the running across the roof the
demonstrating in the garden but worst of
all is the urinating on everything now
I'm not a cat hater but seriously this
is a bad problem at my place they
urinate in the front door the laundry
door the back doors basically every door
then there's the gate gates wheelie bin
air conditioner and car wheels tire
valve windscreen car wheel again and
again and again and my favorite is the
car air vent so because of their putrid
hormone filled foul miss you find you
need to drive around everywhere Ace
Ventura style now there isn't much I
haven't tried like this the traditional
stuff then there's the old home remedies
like citrus water bottles mothballs
there was even my failed catapult I've
even tried missing on my own car and
then I created this so I'm going to show
you how to flight back in a satisfying
and humane way using a few automotive
components and general household items
now just to confirm that the problem is
a cat urinating on my car and not some
kind of Mitsubishi haters
prowling at night
come on yeah yeah yeah I've set up a
couple of cameras for reconnaissance the
resulting catalogue showed that it was
not just one cat visiting my property
but nine of them and one dove naturally
I've named them so we have tabby green
collar, ear off rang a white legs tabby
toilet rug Blackie bone I rang a miss
bucket fatty-fatty two-by-four stupid
cat and blacking mc laser eyes so in
order to build your feline defense
system firstly you need to dismantle the
door of your car to extract a very
useful automotive component the central
door locking lock this is responsible
for locking your car centrally if you
have aftermarket central locking because
each hours built in 1850 like mine its
hand at this point also grab its support
bar while in the car I'm also going to
use the low current triggered relay from
my central locking system if you only
have standard relays like the one on
your car horn it's okay it's simply a
matter of this like that
with these so simple the next item
you're going to need is your car battery
or you can even use the 12-volt backup
battery from your house alarm system
next you need a wireless motion sensor
from a house alarm you know the ones
that have little red light that blink as
you walk past also grab a disused
cardboard toilet roll in certain or
paper towel insert lastly if you don't
really have one you'll need to get a
hand triggered hose nozzle now for
construction
firstly pull apart your motion sensors
to expose its circuit boards sort of two
wires to where the flashing red LED is
connected we run these two wires at the
back of the unit to our relay switch
which the LED will then trigger then
connect some crimped lugs to make all
your wires stick to each other
enter your 12 volt battery now take your
garden hose nozzle and drill a hole
through the handle at this point is also
good to grind some stuff so it looks
good on video take your support board
and screw it back onto your central
locking actuator take any old bolt and
connect the central locking actuator to
your hose nozzle trigger then use a g
clamp to hold your final assembly
place hammer stuff lastly your motion
sensor will need a state-of-the-art
directional sight so Gaffa take the
cardboard shoe to the front then finally
connect it to a tap and in the end you
end up with this a big mess of wires
remember kids don't mix water and
electricity so make sure you use a
top-of-the-line waterproofing shield now
find a thoroughfare that you know
attracts a high level of captivity you
may also need to funnel your unwelcome
visitors into position so basically the
idea is the cat walks past this
directional motion sensor
the red LED illuminates powering up the
relay which sends 12 volts to the
central door like this then pulls the
hose trigger giving you one wet tabby
and for the purpose of your
entertainment I have wired up a bunch
more stuff to trigger a light HD video
camera and skills camera firing off
three times second now the final step in
the process is to test your setup and
what better to test it with them the
most irritating thing in the world
Ke$ha or failing that the second most
irritating thing this giraffe once
you're happy it's all working correctly
it's time to leave it overnight now to
check out our results now first up hoof
we got here arts black mc laser eyes
but his super laser eyesight might be
onto the infrared trigger we'll see
actually I know where I've seen this cat
before next that looks like we have
tabby toilet rug casually sniffing out a
good spot for some Monday night urine
action and then off he strolls into the
side of the garden shed next up its
fatty fatty 2x4 we'll see if he fits
through the kitchen door what's
interesting is this isn't actually my
first time dealing with obese cat now
this next one is actually tabby green
color but unfortunately he was a little
too stealthy for the video to pick up at
first but we have the photos probably so
stealthy due to his lack of back legs
mmm the video camera was a little too
slow again the tabby taller
rug still enjoyed a good 5 a.m. soaking
for the second time yet another video
camera fail but we have ear off
now I've actually seen this guy urine
spraying stuff in the backyard in the
past so I must admit it's quite
satisfying to see this one its Blacky
laser eyes again come on son cats learn
point-blank into the table and off he
flies back to the Eveready factory it's
tabby green color again back for an
early morning taste of mains water
pressure and he celebrates his spraying
with some fine b-boy moves and
unfortunately there was also some
collateral damage
yeah you can probably guess what's about
to happen here can't you here's okay
though and now with the lack of cats has
since started a family in our backyard
now what did I learn from this exercise
well the same cats kept coming through
time and time again despite getting
hosed
now as the old saying goes yet you can't
teach an old dog new tricks but
apparently you can't teach cats join me
next week when we look at how to remove
the cat claw marks from your pavement