[bells]
You know, whatever our habit is, whatever we practice, really does
get stronger, the grooves get deeper
and it takes a really deep reflection and commitment to practice something different
no matter how right you think you are when you're in conflict
no matter how right, it's still a trance that keeps you in a disempowered
identity as a separate, victimized self; it makes you small and
of course it makes the other person small too.
So the invitation here is to deepen our attention in our own lives, each of us;
that if each of us right now who's here and who's listening
leaned in that direction to wake up out of that trance, to
look towards unmet needs, we'd be creating ripples that really
can affect consciousness, that open us to a heart space that really can affect
consciousness in our world... So I'd like to explore in our meditation now, we're going to do
a 'RAIN on blame' meditation, before we close.
Take a moment to invite yourself into presence and let your senses be awake
letting go where you can in your body, any tightness or tension
opening to sensations and aliveness inside you
so we begin the practice of bringing RAIN to blame by identifying someone
you care about and with whom you experience some distance
conflict or tension, not full-blown antagonism
and to help you get in touch you might bring to mind a particular incident
remembering the visuals of whatever was going on, the space you were in,
the look on the person's face, words exchanged, perhaps the tone
notice what comes up now; this is the time to make that u-turn and
bring your attention from the other to your own inner life
and we begin RAIN by recognizing whatever is most predominant inside you right now
whatever feelings or reactions; it could be anger, blame, judgment
and with whatever you're noticing, A is 'Allow', to let it be
know that this belongs too, this is natural and it belongs
you're not adding any extra judgments about it, not trying to fix it
not ignoring it... just let it be there
this is what will allow you to deepen attention now, and the I is 'Investigate'
you might notice what you're believing about yourself and the other person
it might be something like: 'well if they're acting that way they couldn't care about me
or they don't respect me, or they don't understand me
I'm not safe with this person'; you might notice if there's a belief there
and you might notice what's the worst part of this for you, what's most
disturbing or hurtful?
What were you really hoping for with this person or wanting
that didn't happen?
And most important, where do you feel the feelings right now in your body?
The essence of 'Investigate' is to feel in your body where you feel the
reaction, the hurt, the anger, the vulnerability
and you might let your face make the expression that expresses
what you're feeling in your body and experiment with this, it can be very
helpful in getting in touch
you can even fake it or exaggerate it a little bit with your face and
you might even let your posture shift slightly to show you
express how you feel, like how that vulnerability or upset place feels
maybe your hands go into fists or you hunch over some, just
experiment a little; and as you do, go right to where you feel most
agitated or vulnerable; maybe your throat, your chest, your belly
and sense what is the unmet need, here:
what is it you're most needing? Is it to feel cared about?
To feel respected, important...
maybe understood?
Appreciated, safe?
Sense the unmet need.
And now call on the most wise and loving part of your being, and you might
if it helps shift your posture and your facial expression and
really call on your own high self;
that place that's right now witnessing and listening to the vulnerability,
the awareness that's here. And see if you can offer to yourself,
from that high self to the vulnerability, exactly what's needed
you might put your hand on your heart as you do so
sense what that part in you that's got unmet needs most needs to hear
and feel; and see if you can offer some message
to that part of you that might be comforting, nurturing
if you've never done this before, let the touch be tender so you can sense that
you're offering that tenderness right through your touch to your own heart
and if it helps to bring to mind someone that you know loves you and
believes in you, a spiritual figure... you can imagine their energy moving through your hand
right to the most vulnerable part of you
offering understanding, offering protection, offering care
and notice how, as you offer this self-compassion,
notice the shift in your own sense of presence; what's changed?
Perhaps that there's less of a sense of a victimized self and there's more presence, more heart.
And it's from this more awake heart space
that you can begin now to look at the other person through wise eyes
let an image of the other person be there as you imagined them earlier
so you're seeing their face and their body posture and imagining their voice
and see if you can recognize in them whatever's going on, just whatever you see
anger, upset, distance, shut down; whatever you notice
recognizing their reaction and allow it, let it just be there, give it some space
and that can allow you to begin to investigate, to bring your
empathic capacity, deepening your attention; what do you imagine they're feeling?
How might they have a leg in a trap where they were hoping for something and not getting it?
What might this person's unmet needs be?
Did this person need to feel respected, loved, safe, appreciated?
Imagine and sense their vulnerability, maybe as a young person,
a vulnerable being, and feel your care, feel your nurturing,
your heart space including them
and you might imagine this person feeling their needs met
how might they be or behave or be different, if their needs are met? Just imagine that.
How would they be if they felt really loved, understood, and safe?
As you sense that you might sense their basic goodness, now the gold shines through and
they're not caught in fear.
Now take a moment to sense who you are when you're free from blame
even just a glimmer of that heart space that can include yourself and others
the realization of true belonging
and you might imagine, from this heart space, ways you can respond
when you next encounter this person with more choice.
And we close with a short verse from the poet Mark Nepo:
'My soul tells me we were all broken from the same nameless heart
in every living being, every living thing wakes
with a piece of that original heart aching its way into blossom.
This is why we know each other below our strangeness
why, when we fall, we lift each other or when in pain, we hold each other
why when sudden with joy we dance together.
Life is the many pieces of that great heart loving itself back together.'
'Life is the many pieces of that great heart loving itself back together.'
Namaste and thank you for your attention
[bells]