[knocking]
Hey, Mrs. Benson.
I'm here to get Freddie.
Oh, he crashed on our couch.
Uh, maybe you oughta just let him sleep.
- But it's been three weeks. - Three weeks?
Ever since Freddie was born, I've dewaxed his ears
on every third Friday, which was yesterday.
But he refused to let me.
Well, you know, teenagers and their ears.
All right. I'll just go then.
[giggling]
Mom. You tried to vacuum my ear while I was sleeping?
Please let me finish.
Uh-oh.
Enter the dragon.
I have been waiting outside
- for nine and a half minutes. - So?
So, when you were ready to be born,
did I keep you waiting?
Yes. You were pregnant with me for 11 months.
I wanted to make sure you were done.
Mrs. Benson, you're kind of drawing a crowd.
Oh. Are you all Freddie's friends?
No, no, Mom, they're not all my friends.
Who wants to see his baby pictures?
I do.
Oh, good, I've got a bunch on my phone.
- Mrs. Benson. - Mom, do not show them--
Here's Freddie wearing his special diaper.
Oh, and here's baby Freddie in the bathtub.
I'm out!
[beeping]
Hey, Mrs. Benson. What's up?
By force of habit, I made some after school snacks
for Freddie, but since he's at rehearsal,
I thought maybe you'd like to share them with me.
- I really-- - Share them with me.
All right.
These are cucumber cups filled with low fat yogurt
and chopped celery.
I really don't think I've ever had--
Interesting flavor.
Thank you.
You know, it is so lonely
in the afternoons without Freddie.
Yeah, it's pretty quiet around here without Carly, too.
Been doing laundry to help keep my mind--
I can help with your laundry.
Well, thanks, but seriously, you don't have--
Where's your name?
Huh?
You don't have your name sewn into your underpants.
No. No, I'm a- I'm a grown man.
A grown man who's going to lose his underpants.
Well, I-I've
I'll go get my sewing machine. You finish the cucumber cups.
Cucumbers really aren't my... and you're gone.
Nah, I'm just ironing Freddie's underwear.
[banging]
No, we're not renting bowling shoes.
Because I refused to put my feet in public footwear.
[banging]
Oh, that spray doesn't do anything.
Wait. I hear something peculiar.
[banging]
Help!
[banging] Help!
Help!
[banging] Help!
[banging]
[unintelligible]
[banging]
Anyone!
[banging] Please!
[banging]
A cute boys gonna be here any minute
and I'm all wrinkled like an elderly raisin!
[banging, groaning]
This day could not get worse.
[banging]
It's you.
Mrs. Benson.
Will you stop banging and screaming?
I heard you all the way in my apartment.
That was the point.
Oh. You bathe in your sweatshirt too?
I thought it was the only one.
I don't bathe in my sweatshirt.
I got my toe stuck in the faucet.
How?
I saw some dumb person do it on the Dick Van Dyke Show.
[scoffs]
Come on. Could you please just help me get it out?
All right, I'll give it a yank.
Ready?
Okay, just be really careful, okay?
- Ah! - Ow!
Am I hurting you?
No, I love it!
Um. What are these scales for?
Tell her.
Well, what's the point of eating nutritious food
if we don't know exactly
how much nutrition our bodies absorb?
I don't understand.
We weigh the food before it goes in.
Yeah?
Then later we weigh what comes out.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
Fence!
[groaning]
[whistle blowing]
Foul! Come on!
[clapping]
Outta my way! You want a piece of me, Todder?!
[Todder] What? Hey, help me!
- Somebody get her? - Yeah, good luck!
Mom!
Who's the best now, Todder?
[cheering]
Freddie Benson.
Mom. We're in the middle of the show.
I don't care. You have some explaining to do.
Can we talk about this later? Sam, don't take the- Come on!
This could be very fun to watch.
What's so important?
Maybe you'd like to explain the contents of this baggy.
What is that?
Oh, you don't recognize this asparagus
that I put on your dinner plate?
Mom, can- Don't shoot this.
Sorry, I can't hear you over this embarrassment.
Mom, please leave.
After you finish your vegetables.
Oh my--
You'd better finish that with gosh.
Dear, Gosh, please make her leave.
Dude, just finish your asparagus so we can get on with the show.
♪ When a big boy eats His vegetables ♪
Don't sing the song.
Freddie!
Uh, come in.
- Mom, what are you doing? - I am so proud of you.
I can't believe it's finally happening.
- Your first date. - Mom.
- And with a girl. - Mom.
We're all in shock.
How'd you know about the date?
I was watching iCarly online.
I didn't know you watched our show.
I always watch because I've been worried
about your posture.
It seems somebody forgot our little rule.
- What rule? - Just skip it. All right?
Freddie, tell her the rule about standing up straight.
[sighing]
You won't get respect if your back's not erect.
[laughing]
Oh, and I already have the perfect outfit
for you to wear on the date.
I'm not even sure if I'm going on this date.
Yes, you are.
But what if she's not-
There is a living, breathing girl out there
who wants to go out with you. This may never happen again.
Unless Carly changes her mind.
Uh, yeah, Freddie and I are just buds.
- I totally understand. - Thank you.
Why won't you love my son?! [gasping]
- Mom! - I'm sorry.
Anyway, I already have the whole date planned out.
First, I'm going to cook a lovely fat free dinner,
and then we're going to look at your baby pictures.
Freddie had the cutest little bottom.