[Ethan] Welcome back guys to another episode, we are out here in the middle of FUCKING nowhere.
[Hila] In Israel.
[Ethan] We're back in Israel, against my will.
Hila says we need to go--[Hila] Not true.
[Ethan] We need to go visit my family.
I'm like, 'Hila you know how I feel about that place.'
I only go there for the shawarma.
[Hila] Ethan loves it.
(Jewish music)
Just because we're out here visiting the fam,
Doesn't mean we ain't got time to meme.
And we're gonna be talking about it.
And today, we got some juice on deck.
This one's gonna surprise you.
I feel like this one actually is gonna surprise you.
So this one is called
"Butt Baby Syringe"
And I don't know about you guys,
but when I'm thinking of something cute and cuddly and friendly,
nothing invokes those warm, cuddly feelings like a syringe.
Hila- Yeah, a "Butt Baby Syringe"
"Butt Baby Syringe"
I feel great just saying it.
I wanna get in bed with some syringes.
Ya know, just wrap myself up,
That's a really nice day.
So the channel in question is "ChildrensJoy...
...TV"
And you can tell this guy's all about the joy.
Hila- All about the joy. *laughing*
When you hear about "Butt Baby Syringes" you're like,
"That's some joy. That's some baby joy."
"Butt baby joy syringe."
And just glancing over it,
you notice, it's a...
It seems to be like an older middle aged man.
All you can see is his hands.
But he's obsessed with poop,
Little baby dolls pooping,
Baby poop potty training,
Baby doll eating poop!
He eats poop!
This guy kind of invented like this whole new...
...category of video
called the baby butt syringe.
So here's the first one I want to share with you guys.
I mean, it's already disturbing enough.
This tiny little baby?
Hila- Yeah.
You've got like a normal sized baby doll for scale next to it,
and then like a tiny, bite-sized little baby
in a bowl of M&M's
Because it makes you just wanna say
"I wanna eat this fucking baby...
...that's not a euphemism. I actually want to eat babies."
Hila- And somehow he found the creepiest one like...the look on it's face...
Just fucking dead.
Hila- ...disturbing.
It looks pickled. It looks like a pickled baby.
A baby- you could pickle a baby and eat it.
You can do it with pig's feet- Hila- This guy can.
Yeah this guy is-
Hila- This guy probably already did.
Dude he's got jars, he's got like dill, he's got sweet,
He puts them on his fucking sandwiches.
Alright, well an innocent enough start to a video
I mean, it's a little strange but
nothing to really fuckin'...hammer the guy over.
But wait.
Here he is unwrapping-
This is the part that disturbs me the most.
He uses a real syringe.
Hila- Yeah *laughs*
Watch him unwrapping it piece by piece.
This is a real medical-grade syringe
that he probably uses.
Hila- That's a good point, where's the toy syringe?
Ethan- Yeah!
Whay the fuck do you need a real syringe?
Like he probably uses it afterward to inject the blood of babies to prolong his lifespan.
Hila- Oh god...
Like, what the fuck, dawg?
Hila- I like this music, like-
*music continues while Ethan and Hila dance*
*music continues*
It's like, dawg
Is this for the kids?
Are you really trying to show the babies watching that you're using real syringes?
Hila- And somehow it has
- It's creepy.
Hila- two hundred thousand views, like
I know that's not a million but two hundred thousand...
...who's watching this?
Also like a pretty good like ratio.
Like...
Hila- *laughing* Who is watching this?
Ethan- People are like, yeah, I'll smash that like.
Hila- I don't think kids would want to watch it, like,
kids don't like syringes...
Ethan- Syringes. - Do they?
There's nothing more horrifying in the world than a syringe!
But wait, see how he uses it.
*music from video continues*
I'm sorry, but that's just fucking inappropriate.
There's something...
*Hila laughing*
And, I mean, his like...
His creepy man hands.
Okay well let's clean up baby's bottom
Let's see where this is going.
Hila- I feel like if kids put this on by accident, they'll start crying when they see this.
Yeah, that's a --
I would say that about a lot of this "kid-friendly" content on YouTube.
It just confuses me.
Hila- But this one especially, like,
Spiderman and Elsa, maybe they --
Ethan- It's fun...
Hila- like the costumes...
Ethan- There's music...
Hila- Yeah.
Ethan- There's magic...
Hila- Who is watching this?
*music from video*
*suspenseful music*
*cheery music and baby crying*
That baby's loving it, you can tell
By it- by the, uh
By the wonderful sound effects he's chosen to put in
Not laughter, you know,
Not tickley sounds,
Fucking cries of despair.
Hila- But the cheery music, like, what is this?
*music and laughing sound effects from video*
Hila- Like why is this baby so creepy?
Why does he have nipples? The baby has like little nipples.
Where do you get these creepy little babies with nipples on them?
Why would you bother to put in the details of a nipple on a baby?
*music from video again*
He's got like fat nips!
He's got like fat nips! - He does!
He's got like fat ass nips on that baby!
He's got like fat ass nips on that baby! - Oh my god!
What the fuck?!
Don't tell me that's not weirdly sexual.
Like there's no --
He doesn't have --
There's no other defining features but he's got some fat ass nips.
Babies are missing in this town where this guy lives.
If you guys have heard of some missing babies, please call local authorities.
*music from video continues"
Hila- You gotta open-
Ethan- Spread 'em open.
Hila- You gotta open the legs.
Ethan- Spread them wide open you gotta go --
Hila- You gotta get a good look there.
Ethan- Baby's gotta get wide open for
This guy fucks kids.
This guy fucks kids. - It's fucked up!
Ethan- This guy fucks kids.
Okay but that's the first one.
This guy, the other video
Uhh
Puts this one to shame.
This is like, snacktime.
Next video, is dinnertime.
*SLURP*
*POP*
*soft plastic sound*
*velcro opening*
*CLUNK*
*soft plastic sound*
Time to get undressed, little baby.
It's ChildrensJoyTV time.
There's no music.
You always have this cheery music. This time, it's almost like a direct threat.
It's like he knows someone's watching
and he's threatening them right now.
Just listen how unsettlingly silent it is.
*Velcro snaps*
This is like the creepiest ASMR shit ever.
- Yeah.
- Ever.
Hila- Like the way, like, *velcro sound*
*long satisfying Velcro sound*
You can like hear every thud of the baby's foot
*thud*
*THUD*
No, this is normal.
Don't you remember the Ethan Bradburry pose
from the Spiderman?
Ethan- This is hot. Kids love ass in the air.
Ethan- This is hot. Kids love ass in the air. Hila- Maybe it's baby yoga.
Ethan- Ready to get fucked. Hila- Maybe it's baby yoga.
Yeah, no, kids love that ass in the air.
Please come in, insert now, Daddy.
...is what it's called, and the kids love that.
*loud mechanical printer sounds*
Oh, know he's he's going with this.
Hila- Where?
I don't know.
I have no fucking clue.
This is getting creepy.
*paper cutting sounds*
What do you think is gonna happen?
Hila- I can't say.
Ethan- Guess.
Hila- No.
Ethan- You sick fuck.
Hila- I'm not going to say it.
You think he's gonna, like, put that on the baby's ass,
then like throw fucking syringes at his asshole?
Hila- I didn't say that.
Ethan- That's sick!
Hila, you're fucking disgusting for thinking that!
You -- You're --
Dude, I'm putting this whole relationship into question right now.
*loud tape sounds*
*plastic crinkles*
*boing*
*baby giggling*
*echo*
*boing*
Hila- What are we watching?!
Hila- Why are you doing this to me?
Hila- And to all of us, why are we all watching this right now?
*boing*
What the fuck are you trying to convey?
What do you want kids to take from this?
Is there not a better and more wholesome way to entertain children on YouTube?
Why are we throwing loaded syringes at a baby's asshole?
With a BULLSEYE?!
WHAT IS THIS?!
*velcro*
*caress*
*thud*
*THUD*
*crinkling velcro*
*boing*
*slowed down baby laugh*
*crinkling Velcro*
*baby screaming*
*boing*
Hila- What do you think about the sound effects?
Ethan- Oh yeah, the babies love that. It's a lot of fun.
Definitely when you have you own child, just throw loaded syringes at it's ass, the baby will love it.
Hila- I mean, yeah, ChildrensJoy knows what he's doing.
Ethan- It's called ChildrensJoyTV for a reason. The guy knows how to give pleasure to children.
*boing*
ChildrensJoyTV: Baby gets anal raped by a syringe
and gets injected with AIDS virus. *well, it's fucking better than a 29 year old man in a spiderman costume, fucking fondling a 36 year old's tits in an ELSA COSTUME FOR KIDS TO WATCH. KIDS. sorry for the giant block o' subtitles*
Hila- When we see something like this, are we supposed to call the police?
Ethan- I feel like I'm definitely on the FBI watchlist now.
Hila- Yeah.
Ethan- I don't know, what are you supposed to say?
Like "Yo, uh... Hi is this the police?
Yeah go to ChildrensJoyTV and type
"Baby Doll Receiving Injection Needle Syringe Injection Like In Real Life ChildrensJoyTV"
*baby giggling*
*baby coos*
Join us next time when we review
"The Confessions of Real Baby Murderers"
Which was an HBO series.
Hila- Which was a YouTube kids series.
Hila- Which was a YouTube kids series. Ethan- Yeah.
*baby sounds*
I wanna have kids now.
Hila- Just to see what they choose to watch?
*bing*
Ethan- Nope, I'm gonna do that- *bing*
I SAW THIS ON YOUTUBE WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!
Why are you crying baby?
*bing*
STOP CRYING
I don't understand...
Hila- I just wanna have kids to see what they watch on YouTube.
Ethan- It's just -- Hila- I'm just curious. Ethan- It's just a huge social experiment. I don't give a fuck about the baby.
Well guys,
thank you for watching.
Um.
Sweet dreams.
*boing*
*velcro crinkles*
*LOUD CRASH*
*H3H3 outro music*