( groans, laughs )
( music playing )
Welcome back and welcome from the show "Take My Wife,"
which is now streaming on iTunes,
Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher.
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
Hey, thanks for being here, you two.
Now, Rhett and I often act like an old married couple.
- Mm-hmm. - And you two not only play one
on your show, but you're one in real life.
I'm not saying you're old.
Yeah, yeah.
- But we are... - Primarily...
Right, and so you know each other pretty well.
Yeah, pretty good.
But do you know each other better than we know each other?
- Yeah, that... - Ooh.
Is what we're gonna determine today.
- That's right. - This game we're going to play.
Yeah, so we're gonna play a version of the "Newlywed Game,"
but we are adding an interesting element...
dental expanders.
Oh, goodness.
Have you ever expanded your dental?
Literally not even at the dentist,
- have I used this. - I've never seen these at the dentist.
Actually, I don't think this has ever happened to me there either.
But it's happened several times on this show
and it's about to happen right now.
So, typical "Newlywed" rules.
Stevie's gonna be reading questions.
One person will answer, and then the other partner
will try to figure out what they answered.
- Great. - And if you get it wrong, though,
this is the twist, we're gonna have these in the whole time,
so it will be difficult to understand,
but if you get it wrong, you have to then take a shot...
of water,
which will be difficult.
Oh, the classic-- the classic game.
- Yes. - Shots of water.
- Shot of water with... - Yes, the classic version of the "Newlywed" game.
- ...with mouth thing. - H2 whoa!
Expanders in.
Now, Link, we got you a slightly bigger expander, Link.
Cameron: Actually, you look really cute.
I look really good, I think.
You still can't really see my top teeth.
What is wrong with me?
How big is your mouth, dude?
This is like all of my mouth.
This is none of your mouth.
No, I got a small...
- the teeth part is small. - Cameron: Yeah.
The lips part's bigger.
I think I look like Jonathan Roberts.
- Let's do this, Stevie. - Question one, Stevie.
Stevie:
grab your whiteboards and answer this question.
I feel like I need to talk like a gangster. I don't know why.
Yeah, see?
The robot apocalypse has arisen
and humans are now imprisoned in pairs for enemy harvest.
Your partner got to hand-select a celebrity
to be their prison buddy.
What celebrity would your partner
want to be imprisoned with forever?
Mm.
Oh, who does he want to be imprisoned with?
Yeah, who-- you're answering for me.
Who do I want to be imprisoned with forever?
But there's so many!
There's already spit running down my lip.
Already what?
Spit running down my lip.
- What is it? - I'm drooling, spit!
- Spit! - What is it?
- Spit! - Okay.
Okay, he's trying to say "spit."
Look, if I do this with my eyebrows,
I look like a predator.
( laughter )
Oh, gosh.
Okay, I'm ready.
Okay, Rhett, which celebrity
would you like to be imprisoned with forever?
Whoops.
Oh, no!
Bad girl Rhi Rhi.
What?
Bad girl Rhi Rhi, Rhianna.
- Rhianna? - I thought that was obvious.
I thought you knew that your wife was watching,
so I picked Lionel Ritchie.
He's a cool guy to hang out with.
- Oh... - Rhianna?
This is gonna be a long game.
Lionel Ritchie.
Cameron, which celebrity
would you like to be imprisoned with?
I don't know!
Technically, you're a celebrity.
- No! - Rhea Butcher!
Ugh!
I said Linda Hamilton as Sarah Conner.
That's great!
She'd have so many skills!
- She would help you break out! - She'd have so many skills.
She would be like... ( grunting )
Okay, we all got it wrong,
so we all gotta take shots.
Okay. I'm drooling so much.
I know. We have the towels, though.
Do we have to clear the whole Dixie cup?
Yeah. "Dixie cup?"
Yeah, you gotta clear the whole Dixie cup.
Here we go, three, two, one.
Oh!
( all clamoring )
( indistinct )
You remember how to swallow, don't you?
I forgot to swallow!
Oh, my God!
You guys ready for the next question?
Yeah, we're ready, we're so ready.
So, Rhett and Cameron, grab the whiteboards.
There you go.
And answer this:
Your partner has been stolen by evil scientists
and replaced with an exact-to-the-molecule replica,
but the only thing they taught the replica to say
was your partner's most frequently-used phrase.
What is your partner's most frequently-used phrase?
Oh, gosh.
Oh, I feel like I should know this.
Yeah, you should know this.
I feel like I don't know this.
Ugh!
( babbles )
I don't think this is right.
Oh, mine's definitely wrong.
Okay, you ready? You got it?
Okay, Link, what phrase do you say all the time?
"What the crap?"
Oh.
"What the crap?"
Yeah, I said, "Oh, my goodness."
Oh, my goodness!
- Oh, my goodness! - Oh, my goodness!
He does say that a lot.
I don't say, "Oh, my goodness."
- Yeah, you do. - I say "What the crap?"
Oh, my goodness, what the crap?
I'm just gonna say I say "literally" all the time.
I don't know, I can't...
- Literally! - "I like baseball."
Oh, my God!
Do you say, "I like baseball?
Literally never!
But it's true! It's not wrong.
Hey, put that back in!
She may not say she likes baseball,
but she really likes that...
Oh!
Oh, you all have to drink again.
Oh, my gosh, you got the water.
Y'all gonna keep making a mess.
I know, I just think...
Just throw it down the hole, just hock it.
Gotta start swallowing the whole thing.
Let's say, "I like baseball" and then go.
Rhea: All right, cheers.
All: I like baseball!
I like baseball!
( Link gurgles )
Ah, ah!
That was a lot better.
I can't get it down my throat to swallow!
This is so much more traumatic than I thought it would be.
It really is traumatic.
- Oh, you got a dangler. - Oh!
Link: Ah!
All disease has been wiped out
because we put women in charge worldwide.
Now we make pills for fun, silly things.
You'd like to make a pill that will eradicate
your least favorite habit in your partner.
Fill in the blank:
"I wish my partner would stop blank-ing."
Rhett: Uh...
( humming )
- Link: Okay. - Oh, this is not easy.
What do I want you to stop doing?
Okay... got it.
Okay, Rhett,
what does Link want you to stop doing?
( groans )
Link: Are you in pain?
Correcting him?
That's close, I said, "Knowing everything."
Stop! You gotta stop knowing everything!
That counts.
That's acceptable!
That's pretty...
That's a half-point, right?
You only take a half-shot of that water.
Yeah, yeah, I feel I can.
Okay, Cameron,
what does Rhea want you to stop doing?
Bossing her around.
Ah!
- What did you say? - I said,
"Brushing your teeth all the time."
I love to brush my teeth.
It's really paying off right now.
You get a really good look at those shiny teeth.
- Rhett: Uh-huh. - So we have to...
you have to drink a whole cup,
we have to drink half a cup.
Gosh, good luck to me.
I'm just gonna drink the whole thing, it's easier that way.
Yeah, right.
Why stop short?
All: I like baseball.
To baseball.
A lot closer.
I don't understand why I can't drink!
Apparently, you really rely on your lips when you drink.
That's what I'm learning.
Okay, this is the final question.
Rhett and Cameron, grab the whiteboards.
We suck at this.
Your partner invested in Bitcoin
really early on.
And despite its recent ups and downs,
it goes on to make your partner a multi-billionaire,
worth two Jeff Bezoses.
Nice.
If your partner became a billionaire,
what's the first thing they buy?
Ooh, yeah!
Ooh, yeah, you're gonna get this one,
I think.
You better.
What would I buy?
How much writing are you doing?
- I'm making a scene. - You're writing a lot.
- A vignette. - Okay.
Oh, no, so much drooling.
"I'm making a--" drool.
It's so much.
I'm painting with my drool.
Okay, Link, what would you buy?
Mm.
A jet.
What?
- Cameron: That's cool. - A jet.
I said, "Nothing 'cause he's that cheap.
Ah!
That's true.
Exactly, that's why you said "jet,"
which is-- you never talked about a jet
in your entire life.
'Cause you're never gonna buy anything
regardless of how much money you have.
I would never buy a jet,
I wouldn't buy anything.
Oh, man, we're gonna win.
- Oh, boy. - Let's see.
I am gonna say...
Come on! Come on!
The Los Angeles Dodgers, Dodgers Stadium.
What did you-- come on!
She likes baseball!
Oh, a motorcycle!
A motorcycle!
Two Jeff Bezoses?
And I wouldn't buy the Los Angeles-- ugh!
That must be a very special motorcycle.
You got Jeff Bezos money and all you're doing is buying one motorcycle.
We all need to spend more time with each other.
Cameron: Uh-huh.
You know what? Let's stay hydrated.
All right.
If you wanna play baseball,
you gotta stay hydrated.
I'll just do this.
That's good!
Just keep the towel there from now on.
I really need the towel.
I like baseball.
Rhea: I like baseball.
( Rhett groaning )
Oh, no, I did drop it that time.
I'm still going.
You're not doing it right.
( gurgles )
You gotta kick back like a Pez dispenser.
- Yeah, like a Pez dispenser. - Like a Pez dispenser.
- Okay. - I really drank no water.
We can take these out so we can be understood now.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, gosh!
Doesn't your mouth feel so stretched?
Ah!
Our desk is gonna be so clean, thank you.
How refreshing.
All right, guys, thank you so much
for playing with us today.
Be sure to check out season two
of "Take My Wife" on iTunes!
And make sure to tune in this coming Monday, March 26th,
where we'll be kicking off our Munch Madness,
a week of taste tests where we will determine
the greatest snack of all time!
Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
Say, "You know what time it is."
In unison.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Both: You know what time it is.
Yes!
- Hi, I'm Lindsey. - And I'm Megan.
And this is our family of Mythical Beasts.
And we're at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter
in Orlando, Florida.
All: And it's time to spin
the Wheel of Mythicality!
- Whoo! - What are the chances?
Click the bottom link to watch this episode from the beginning.
And click the top link... ( stammers )
...Slurpee tots and open some mail with Jen...
- We get it. - ...in "Good Mythical More!"
And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality is gonna land.
Today's your lucky day because we have a new t-shirt collection.
Snag yourself a tee or two at mythical.store.