[MUSIC PLAYING]
Number one show on late night.
Nothing but illustrious guests.
Legends.
Double trouble.
You know what we do here on this show.
- We talk about it. - You know what I'm saying?
We got-- - They're talking about me.
MERO: Mark Wahlberg--
DESUS: Mark Wahlberg--
MERO: And Tom fucking Holland.
Tom fucking Holland.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
That's right.
Tom F Holland-- the F stands for Fucking.
That's right.
You killed the husband, you know.
Oh, shit!
The old-- the old guard and the new guard.
You know what I'm saying?
Like-- You know what I'm saying? - Wow.
You just-- like, you just-- you gonna take that?
Don't worry, bro.
Long when Tom's gone, I'll be back here.
Hey, wow.
The longevity.
Y'all don't-- y'all forgot this man--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
--a spider suit with a diaper.
And I'll be still doing.
DESUS: Hey-- listen, y'all are in "Uncharted."
That was an iconic game.
And that game played like a movie.
Were you able-- like, how were you able to, like, keep that
when you make the actual movie?
Or did you have reservations also?
Like--
Well, you know, you knew you had
a responsibility to the gamers.
I mean, obviously, most games are not really
good when adapted to a movie.
But this is such great storytelling, so cinematic.
We just wanted to make sure that we satisfied
the die-hard gamers but also introduced a whole new audience
to the world of "Uncharted."
So you didn't-- you don't need to know
the game to love the movie.
It's kind of-- it feels like a big "Indiana
Jones" type of film.
And as you can see, Tom and I have some good chemistry.
Even though today he's feeling himself.
He must have had a drink or some shit before we came over here.
It's the cardigan.
The cardigan-- it's the cardigan.
He got the swag.
I like that.
But that being said, it really--
it really was about satisfying the gamers but also introducing
a whole new audience.
And it's-- it's a big, fun movie.
It's the first time I've been in a movie that feels like a movie
like "Indiana Jones."
I'm usually doing more serious stuff in total.
So yeah, this is good.
That's great.
And Tom, you've been working your ass off.
Thank you, man, yeah.
Are you taking a break anytime soon?
Because I'm getting worried.
Because now I just see you everywhere.
And I'm just like, yo, like, bro, like--
take a vacation, please.
The West Indian father in me wants to be like, papa, you're
young now, working hard now.
Tom-- Tommy, you need to work it hard now.
Don't burn yourself out, man.
I'll take a break.
I don't have-- I have a break at the end of the year.
I'm living here in new York now until September.
I'm shooting this TV show, which I'm very excited about.
And once I'm done with that, I'll go back to London.
I'll be at home.
I'll have a couple of months off.
So I'm excited to take a break.
Do you still get excited by a plate of beans?
A plate of beans?
Yeah, that's-- look.
I got cousins in England.
I know y'all love beans.
You mean like beans on toast?
DESUS: Yeah.
Yeah, man, I fucking love beans on toast.
What are you-- what are you-- because I
never had beans on toast. And I'm Dominican.
So-- - You need to change that.
- Like-- - Is that a game--
is that going to change our life if we have that?
Yeah, beans on toast-- like--
Have you had beans on toast?
I ain't fucking with that.
[LAUGHTER]
Listen, mate.
There's loads of protein in it.
Does it come with Imodium?
That sounds like diarrhea waiting to happen.
Yeah, you just-- it's simple.
It's just toast, butter, and beans.
Toast, butter-- but--
I did-- I did love--
I did love a crumb kit?
- A crumb kit? - Yeah.
A crumpet.
Crumpet.
I did love a crumpet when I was--
I was like, what? I know.
I was like--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Chris brown dance lessons.
You know, he knows what the fuck I mean.
Oh.
Also, shout-out Mark because I was in LA once.
I was like--
I stayed at The London.
And I was starving.
And I went across the street.
And there was, like, this burger joint.
And I was like, all right. Cool.
Cool. Cool.
And I was like, why the fuck does
this burger joint have all these pictures
of Mark Wahlberg in it?
[LAUGHTER]
You've got to be real drunk.
And then you're like, oh! Oh.
I was like--
I was like, Wahl-burger. Hm.
Please tell me there's pictures of you
flipping burgers in there.
- No, I don't do the burgers. - You don't do that?
You don't do, like, the-- - No, I have.
I have.
I ride the subway to work.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
My brother doesn't let nobody in the kitchen.
He's the chef.
I run the business.
I'm in charge--
DESUS: How many locations do you have?
I think about 100 right now.
- Oh, shit. - Hey.
Shout-out to you.
That's a franchise, brother.
Yeah, yeah. We're growing.
We're growing.
We just made a deal to go to, like, 300 or 400 stores.
OK!
Wow, that's amazing.
Now they got--
is there one in Fenway?
There's-- there's one in Fenway--
right-- right at Fenway Park.
We've got a-- god-- a couple in downtown Boston.
We've got one at the airport.
We've got one in Dorchester.
We got the original one in Hingham, Linfield--
Dorchester-- Dog Day Parade.
You know about the Dog Day Parade?
- Yes. - Hey.
How do you know about that?
Talk that Boston talk.
I had--
First Sunday of June.
A former-- a former--
you know, a partner of mine-- you know I'm saying?
She lived up there. - Back in the day.
Oh, I know--
Back in the day.
And I know she did you dirty.
You know what I'm saying?
You know the broad from--
Dorchester-- yeah, yeah--
Shout-out to you. You know what I'm saying?
We won't ask what happened. I'll get you off-- off-air.
Chinatown bus?
You know, when you're going up-- - Of course.
Yeah, yeah.
Right down 95.
Participating in the in the festivities.
You know what I mean?
Oh, absolutely.
Tom has no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Clearly, obviously, you're having a good time.
My birthday is June 5th.
So every couple of years, it would fall on my birthday,
the Dog Day Parade.
Oh, so you were out there getting lit-- original
formula Four Loko, all that.
Crazy.
All right.
Tom, so the Chinatown bus-- you know the-- was it in England?
Royal Coach?
The bus that goes from town to town.
Yeah, I just call it the bus, really.
Yeah, yeah.
When I got sent to England on punishment,
that's how my parents-- they--
They sent you to England as a punishment?
Yeah, because I was wilding.
So like, I had to go from, like, London to Birmingham.
OK, yeah, that's a long way.
That's a long-- so you have to sit
there and think about your--
"Fresh Prince of Bel-Air."
Yeah.
It's in the UK.
They sent me to DR. And I got in more trouble.
You know what I mean?
They were like, yo, we're going to straighten you out.
We're going to send you to the Dominican Republic,
a tropical paradise with lots of beautiful women,
you teenage scallion.
Difficult.
And I was just like, yeah, damn.
Damn. - --trade up.
Yeah.
I was like, I'm going to hate that.
England was different, because that was my first time
seeing a pay toilet.
And like, I hopped the turnstile.
And then I didn't know what to do.
And I just--
They spoke very sternly to you.
Yeah.
Because I was like, the cops don't even have guns.
So what are we doing here?
You can't-- you can't do that, mate.
You have to pay your fare.
Yeah, and then the queen yelled at me.
Where were you paying for a toilet?
I was going towards Birmingham.
And the sky was always gray.
And it was very sad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's--
Listen. You've been there.
- I've been there. - You've been there.
Like--
Can you dispel that?
Is that a myth?
Is it really like that all the time?
We get good weather.
We just have a lot of bad weather.
Yeah, but we-- we're all right.
You guys have at night--
at night when the foxes come out--
Yeah, I tell you what's scary about the foxes
is when they're mating with each other--
Oh, remember the foxes on the golf course in Germany?
- Smashing? - Oh, yeah.
I got it on my phone.
Yeah, they were going crazy.
I don't think I was playing with you that time.
But the foxes in the UK when they mate with each other,
it sounds like a human person is being murdered.
Yes, it does.
So if you're asleep in your house.
And 2:00 in the morning you hear someone
screaming outside your front door, you run downstairs.
You try and figure out what's going on.
And it's just a couple of foxes having a good time.
I did the--
I did-- I did what new York people do and they get money.
And they go, and they move to New Jersey.
There's a lot more wildlife in new Jersey.
So I became familiar with the fox noise.
Also, just waking up in the morning and seeing a deer.
Shoo, go away.
Like, I don't even know how--
You don't try and welcome them in?
Do you get one with nature?
He's still from New York.
He's still-- You're still a little--
Yeah.
I've seen too many live leak videos of people-- of deer
just going like this to people.
I've seen that sort of stuff as well.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm like, I'm not fucking with you.
They've got serious hands.
Tom, what animal could you beat up?
I would just avoid beating up any animal.
No. What animal?
No, I wouldn't--
Would you beat up a gorilla?
If you went-- if your life was in danger?
If my life was in danger?
DESUS: Yes.
I just wouldn't put myself in that scenario, bro.
I'm not-- you're--
you're not answering the question.
Listen.
You ain't getting this out of me.
--young people and being politically correct.
This is all some bullshit.
I ain't sitting here telling you I'm gonna fight some--
You're in an alley, and a hippo is coming at you.
What are you doing?
I'll just fucking say, thank you for a great time.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
If a hippo was running at you, mate, that is game over.
Yeah, the hippos don't play.
They will just like, bomp.
Nah, nah.
You can't go out like that.
Have you seen how fast they are as well?
They're fast, but you know what?
I feel like if you put up a fight, they'll respect that.
No, bro.
No.
Nah, if you'd be like-- nah, you--
put out my chest. - Fuck that.
You know--
Have you seen how big a hippopotamus is?
Have you seen me put out my chest?
You got to just flex your-- your--
what are these--
What if I gleam this in their eye?
DESUS: Exactly.
Like, ah-- I got a late night show.
You can't kill me.
Like that kind of thing?
Yeah.
OK, all right.
Yeah, why don't you go try that?
Are you checking your phone?
I'm trying to find the video of the foxes [MUTED]..
He'll send it.
What was the dates when we was shooting in Nevada?
You definitely can.
They don't need a release.
This is Showtime.
We showing that after "Yellowjackets."
All right.
Back to real interview questions.
Why are all you British people stealing American jobs?
Because we're just so good, bro.
- You are. - Yeah.
You are.
Why are no American--
why are no American actors stealing British jobs?
Yeah, Mark is like, what the fuck you mean, dog?
I'll tell you an interesting thing.
When it comes to accents, the way English people speak,
we use our tongue a lot more.
We pronounce all of our consonants.
So we actually work our tongue more.
So for us to do American, we have to relax.
For an American to play a Brit, you have to work harder.
So you often find, if you see an American doing a British accent
all day, by the end of the day, it's like they've been
sort of doing a face workout.
So I guess maybe that's why it's slightly easier for us.
And also, we have a lot more American culture in England.
You know, we watch your films, your TV, your music.
That's why it's more accurate.
Because before that--
but before that--
I ain't fucking with none of that.
He was just shitting on every American actor.
Like, wow.
TOM HOLLAND: It just feels like--
Listen, you lazy fucks.
No.
No, no, no.
Wow.
Y'all need speech classes.
TMZ-- Tom Holland said fuck America.
Wow.
And he will beat up a hippo.
My goodness.
Like, bombshell interview.
Fucking hell.
Welcome to the bodega, baby.
Tom, we got to ask.
OK.
You got a relationship.
What is it like just having everyone
in your fucking business? - All the time?
Does it suck?
Yeah, it's frustrating.
Yeah, I mean, we--
you know, in our position, in our career,
we share a lot of our lives.
What do you mean we?
Man, I got four kids.
He's like, I got nothing to do with this.
Go on.
Don't deflect.
You know, you share a lot of your life.
And there's certain parts of your life
you want to keep to yourself, because, you know,
it's your private life.
It's your personal life.
There's a reason why it's called your private life.
You know, I just try and keep my head down, and not give it
too much time and effort, and just kind
of work through it, really.
I've just been putting all this shit out there.
I'm like, yo, I got a-- well, I've been
married for 28,000 years, man.
I got four kids, man.
Fuck.
What else you want to know? - Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What else you guys working on after this now?
What've you got coming up?
I just did a movie about a guy who was a fighter who turned--
tried to become an actor and then fell in love with a girl,
would do anything to get with her.
She was a devout Catholic.
So she said, you've got to be baptized.
He said, dump the water on me right now.
He got ran over not once but twice,
had this visit from Mother Mary, and said, not only am I
going to get baptized to become a Catholic,
but I'm gonna become a priest.
And then he went into the seminary.
He came down with a rare disease.
And as his physicality started to deteriorate,
his spirituality soared.
It's a true story.
I financed it myself.
Do you want us to watch this movie?
Because you just told us the whole movie.
No, you've got to see this shit, bro.
Trust me.
What's the name of this movie?
"Father Stu."
When does it come out?
Good Friday.
You know, Easter-- Easter weekend.
MERO: Congratulations. brother.
You said that like I was religious.
I was like, what?
Easter weekend.
Yes.
Tom, before your--
after your break, what are you taking?
Tom's about to get into--
Tom's about to get into a serious role here.
Yeah.
I'm doing this TV show called "Crowded
Room," which is a really, really interesting show.
It has been-- you know, people have been trying to make
it for a very, very long time.
The sort of context of the show, I kind of keep to myself.
We're still trying to work a few things out.
So I'm not really ready to talk about it in such detail.
But it's exciting.
And for me--
It's one of the most coveted roles for a young actor.
I was attached to it at one point.
Leonardo was attached to it.
Joaquin Phoenix-- many, many actors tried to get this movie
made.
Nobody either had the courage or the balls
or the ability to get it done.
And now, he's taking on that role.
Thank you, man. Yeah.
No pressure.
No pressure, no.
No pressure.
Yeah.
I just shit myself a little bit.
Right?
You think Timothee Chalamet is at home like, fuck!
It should have been me!
You know what I'm saying?
DESUS: Oh, man.
Well, listen.
This has been an epic interview.
Hopefully, it's been unlike any interview you guys have done.
OK.
You guys are here in the bodega.
And everyone that's in the bodega is an illustrious guest.
Mm-hmm.
And when they leave, they both get a neon sign.
Glorious.
What would you like your neon sign to say?
Municipal.
DESUS: Municipal bonds overhead.
- You just never stop, do you? - You know what?
You know why?
Because me and him were just talking about this.
You think about how many baseball players from the DR
shot up on a municipal field or a municipal basketball court.
It doesn't matter where you start.
They're playing now-- these guys are
playing in the World Series.
They're changing the game.
They're the best baseball players in the world.
It's a--
Let's go.
Wah-wah-wah.
Que lo que.
And Tom, what would you like your neon sign to say?
The Royal Shakespeare Academy.
It's one of my favorites.
It could be--
it could be, like, enjoy beans.
Let me rephrase that.
I enjoy beans.
Enjoy beans.
Fuck American actors.
What do you want it to say?
I would have-- my neon sign would be, I'm just cooling off.
Because my mate Twain, there's a-- there's a lot
of meaning behind that phrase.
And he'll be mortified that I have said that out loud.
But I'm not going to tell you what it means.
But he knows what it means.
So Twain, I know you're watching.
Shout-out to Twain.
I love you very much, mate.
Twain, his mate, isn't it?
Yerr.
And I'm just cooling off. Right?
That's right.
Real road man ting, you know?
Exactly.