improvement pill here welcome to the beefriend course so just a couple of
months ago I met up with an acquaintance of mine that I had met online and even
though this was the first time we ever spoke to each other in person we ended
up talking about relationships he told me about his dating life and his
relationship with his fiancee and within just 10 minutes he had already disclosed
to me how he was having second guesses regarding his recent engagement he was
having doubts about getting married and he literally said to me man I haven't
told anyone this not my friends not my co-workers definitely not my fiancee not
anyone I don't know why but I felt like I wanted to tell you stuff like this
happens to me all of the time people tell me things that they don't usually
share with others secrets radical opinions past traumas things like that
and because I'm able to get people to open up to me like this these
relationships thrive and we usually become good friends four years down the
line today I'm gonna show you exactly how you can get people to open up to you
so that you can create deeper and more fulfilling relationships in your own
life and there's really only two things you have to do first you have to learn
to reduce your filter if you think about it the reason why we are scared to say
certain things or to act in certain ways is because we are afraid of how others
will react we're scared of being made fun of of looking like a fool of being
branded as an outcast so we tend to keep a lot of our thoughts ideas and feelings
bottled up inside instead of talking about things that we really want to talk
about we put on a filter and we spend most of our time conversing in small
talk we talk about things like the weather our classes last night's sports
game because these are all safe topics but secretly
deep down inside we're all looking for that special someone someone who we can
share our strange thoughts and ideas with now if you come along and you fill
them from the start that you don't really care about being a perfect
snowflake then you don't really filter yourself and that you are willing to
talk about things that are deemed as socially unacceptable or strange then
people will want to open up to you they'll think wow this guy doesn't
really care too much about what society thinks so it should be safe for me to
talk to him about things that I've been bottling up inside you want to be that
guy you want to show them that you don't really have a filter and it's pretty
easy to do this all you have to do is share
something that is considered to be sort of weird something that is slightly out
of the norm for example I will sometimes tell people about how I don't sit on
toilets fun fact I squat on top of them when I do my business why well it's
because when I was a kid I just didn't like the cold feeling of my butt
touching the seat but it turns out that we humans are meant to use the toilet in
the squatting position there are a ton of benefits but let's not get into that
too much here you can look into that on your own time the point I'm trying to
make is that when you share something that's sort of strange like this people
will instinctively react by thinking huh that's weird but deep down inside
they're also thinking huh this guy doesn't really care too much about what
others think so it should be okay if I talk about some of the stuff I've been
bottling up inside as well I can relax and filter less my words and thoughts
now it's very important to note that there is a fine line between being seen
as someone who has a reduced filter and being seen as someone who is just plain
old crazy and it all depends on your perceived value which is a concept we
talked about in a previous video there's a difference between that unemployed guy
who lives next door coming up to you and talking about seeing aliens as compared
to someone like Bob Lazar who's a well-known scientist coming up to you
and talking about seeing an alien spaceship if your value is too low
people will just think that you're crazy you're gonna try their best to get away
from you so you should only reduce your filter and say weird things if your
value is high enough which means having proper hygiene having a decent amount of
social proof meaning that people know you have friends dressing decently well
being in decent shape being able to hold eye contact etc the higher your value is
the easier it is to get away with saying weird and strange things now before we
dive into the second thing you have to do in order to get people to open up to
you I want to quickly tell you about a new program of ours the habit builder
challenge because as we all know the only way you'll actually see any
progress in your life whether it's your health wealth overall happiness or even
your relationships is if you build the right habits you won't suddenly become a
social butterfly just by watching the befriend course I wish it was that easy
right because you actually have to go out there and build a habit of talking
to people so if you're interested in receiving news about this habit building
program of mine all you have to do is sign up for our email list by clicking
on the link in the description box below all right let's get back to the topic at
hand now after you've shown someone that you don't really have a filter by saying
something out of the norm it's still up to you to guide the conversation in a
way that will eventually get them to open up see most of the time people just
won't talk about things that they've been bottling up for months or even
years unless you prompt them to which is why the second thing you have to do is
ask the right questions and not just any question there is a special type of
question that I personally like to use a lot in conversations they're what I like
to call assumption questions all it is is when you make an assumption about
someone based on an observation and see if it's true or not going back to the
example from the beginning of the video when I was having the conversation with
my acquaintances I noticed that he had a very monotone expression on when talking
about his recent engagement so I said I'm just gonna be honest with you man
you don't really sound that excited about the engagement is there something
bothering you assumption questions like this - two things first it shows that
you are really really listening because the only way you can make an assumption
like this is if you are paying 100% close attention to what they were saying
how they were saying it and their body language the very fact that you're
paying this much attention shows that you genuinely care about what's being
said and that's something that people really really like it makes them feel
good the second thing this does is it causes
them to react if your assumption is wrong they will instinctively want to
correct you you might say something like oh no it's it's not that I'm not excited
I'm just tired for my long fight here yada yada in this case you can simply
take that information and branch off into another topic you can talk about
how you recover from jet lag - it's up to you but what I found is that if
you're really paying attention you'll actually be able to make a correct
assumption most of the time and when that happens when your assumption is
correct they will almost always start opening up because this is the cue for
them to open up that bottle to let out all those emotions and thoughts they've
been holding in for who knows how long right we all know that talking about our
problem helps relieve the stress that comes along with it and by making a
correct assumption you've essentially told them hey I'm the perfect person to
talk to about this subject I don't really have a filter so I probably won't
judge you and to top it off I care about you in this conversation so I am the
perfect candidate for you to talk to and that's how you get someone's open
by reducing your filter and asking assumption questions now the information
you learned in this video is helpful and it will work but at the end of the day
it doesn't mean anything unless you take action and you turn it into a habit
you've got to build a habit of talking to people if you ever want to get people
to open up to you right so if you want to learn more about the habit builder
challenge and also other future programs and services we'll be releasing
make sure you click on the link in the description box below to sign up for our
mailing list besides that guys stay tuned