Most addicts, there's a great deal of shame and pain
and then you don't wanna get out of it because...
You know, you hate yourself.
$2000 dollars a weekend on cocaine, heroin and ketamine.
At the height of The Strokes' success
that is how much guitarist Albert Hammond Jr was spending.
And then in 2010 he hit a turning point.
But getting clean wasn't just about substances.
It was also about tackling a trauma
that stretched right back before birth.
His latest solo album 'Francis Trouble'
is named after the twin brother he never met.
Francis died in the womb before they were born.
And now they're finding their way back to each other.
So my mum was pregnant and lost one of them at 5 months.
And they told her she wasn't pregnant any more even though she...
still felt that I was in there.
Wait, so they told her that you weren't in there?
Yeah, she was like "You're not pregnant, you lost the baby."
Oh wow!
She was like, okay, and then two weeks later
she went back cos she wasn't feeling right and they said "No, you are pregnant."
So it was like a weird time, these are stories that I'm hearing.
Weird time for her.
And then when I was born I was like, cos I guess you're so squished,
I was like I had parts of the placenta, fingernails,
I was like wow, that story and that alter ego changed me.
I remember early on, I think I was just blindly ambitious.
I was gonna make it, no matter what.
It was very str... I look back and I was like
wow, how the hell did I think like that? I don't think like that at all now.
What changed? Why don't you think with that level of ambition any more?
Um...
Maybe cos I don't know... I'm just thinking about this now...
Maybe cos I don't think you are what you do.
Maybe when I was younger I was just like 100%,
that was all I was thinking about, and it's just like...
It's too much cos then you are...
You live and die by where that goes
and intrinsically you're worth more than that.
It doesn't make sense.
It's bad to peg your self-esteem on something where you have little control.
But weirdly enough when you start out
you have to believe in it that strongly,
if not, how would you believe that you could do it?
Never written a song, be like, cool, I think I'll be able to do this.
So where did you get that self-belief from in those early days?
I've no idea.
Do you ever feel defined by pre-2010 Albert,
or do you feel like that person's gone? - Sure, of course.
I mean it's gone but still, elements pop up,
nothing's ever...
I think it's important to know that there's no line of growth
does not have downward spots.
It's not a straight line.
For some reason people always expect it to be like this perfect change.
Recovery, rehabilitation, what is it that people get wrong?
Whew! Um...
You need recovery from time.
There's a part of you that, when you first get out,
you feel very isolated cos like the world's happening
and for a while I just felt like I was standing by a river,
the river was the world and everyone was going down and I was like
why can't I get in? I couldn't get in.
Is this during or after the fact...
After. The first two years is just like, you're like...
You really don't know what you're doing, you have no...
- And the world's passing you by? - You have no momentum.
I was just lucky I saw two roads
very distinctly going somewhere different.
I think most addicts spend their whole time
trying to have those two roads exist together.
I will find a way where I can do both and that's basically...
Your entire existence is trying to find a way to exist in both lines.
And they just get further and further and further away
and it depends on when you actually see how far.
Some people have to wait till they're like...
That one's not even there any more, and they're like, I can still pull it off.
Or like when it gets too far there's a great deal of
shame and pain and you don't want to get out of it because...
You hate yourself, you hate yourself so much
that you're rather not get well.
The album is dedicated to a gentleman you worked with
who passed away in 2016.
Yeah, Andrew Park. He was my therapist, but a father figure to me,
he was the OB1 that passes away
and you couldn't really slay your dragon,
I'm totally mixing all these stories.
No, what you're doing is crafting a really good one.
Luke didn't slay any dragons.
But then he pulled Excalibur out and it was a really great twist no one saw coming.
Yeah, exactly, so I dedicated to him because
he was just like having a father in the second part of your life.
There's an aspect of your work with him
that I've heard you talk about, a concept called Shadow Work.
For somebody that's never heard of it before
how do you go about describing Shadow Work?
Yeah... I visualise what my shadow would be
which is this whole side of you that grows up un-nurtured.
So I pictured it as a child who just wanted attention
and so I basically tried to give it attention
and so you fill that up and that person who's on stage
is the shadow that got let out and that gets relived every night.
What part of your job frightens you the most?
Is it performing in front of people? Is it that act of creation?
The part that I can't control, which is how it does.
I think for so long in your 20s you think it's like a dress rehearsal
for when life is really gonna happen.
Like, I'm just doin' this and then I'm gonna live life.
There's always this picture in your head
of when you get there it'll be right.
But the pictures in your head never have the shit,
the turds that life has.
Life outside the frame.
Yes, so when you get to that photo it's never what you thought it was.
When did you first work that out? When did you first realise
you were aiming for something that was incomplete?
Oh...
It was a slow process of understanding
what people always say, like,
oh, enjoy the journey and not the destination.
And you're like, what? Fuck you!
And then my favourite part is actually all that crap that happens
in the middle.
Albert, going on a word journey with you is really, really fun.
- Thank you so much for your time. - That was great, thank you.