♫ He's gonna take you back to the past! ♫
♫ To play the shitty games that suck ass! ♫
♫ He'd rather have ♫
♫ A buffalo ♫
♫ Take a diarrhea dump in his ear! ♫
♫ He'd rather eat ♫
♫ The rotten asshole ♫
♫ Of a roadkill skull AND down it with beer! ♫
♫ He's the Angriest Gamer you've ever heard! ♫
♫ He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd! ♫
♫ He's the Angry Atari, Sega Nerd
♫ He's the Angry Video Game Nerd! ♫
["Dramatic Accent" from iLife Sound Effects]
["Suspense Accent 03" from iLife Sound Effects]
Oh God...
...Oh, God!
Let me ask a question: What do you get when you take a movie, that's ASS, and you make it into a game? You get a piece of shit.
Now if you get a piece of ass, that's a good thing, but if you get a piece of SHIT, you don't want that!
And this, of course, is Independence Day for the PlayStation.
I don't even wanna talk about this. It's makin' me sick. MAKIN' ME SICK!
The first thing that sucks is just... well, look at it!
How many times have you played a game where you're flying around shooting at things? It's okay, but that's the problem!
It's so... "okay" that it's not even worth... existing.
It's so bland and mediocre that it's hard to even come up with legitimate complaints, but don't worry, we're gonna rip into it.
So, this is the first stage: "Grand Canyon".
The object is to take out four main generators on this alien spaceship.
And if you forget, this annoying voice keeps reminding you.
Annoying voice (Will Smith): "Take out the generators to attack the destroyer!
There's one right here! Shoot, shoot, sh-!
Fuck! It usually takes a few passes to destroy it. You think that you can just turn around and hit it some more,
but no! It just disappears.
You're never able to spot it from a distance and use enough your firepower to take it out,
because the damn things just pop up when you're too close to be ready!
I think it's a graphic flaw; nothing appears until it's right up in your fuckin' face!
What the ASS is that all about?! To describe this game's assness: all I can say is, "it's very ass."
Where's those fuckin' generators?!
Look, I'm goin' around 360° and I can't find them! Where are they, Goddamm it?!
Oh, there's one - fuck!
"Take out the generators to attack the destroyer!" [I Wish that voice would] just shut the hell up!
It keeps telling you to take out the generators, [angry tone] as if I'm not fuckin' trying!
The radar doesn't do diddly dick. It's too small, makes no fuckin' sense, and... I don't like it.
Trying to hit anything with bullets is impossible. Only the missiles seem to be effective.
The control sucks monkey balls. If you go anywhere near the ground, you're gonna hit it.
Alright, so I'm gonna get this power-up down here...
What, did I just fly over it?!
Okay, we're gonna get this next one - whatever it is. Oh, you motherfucker!
You can't fuck around too much with this game because there's a time limit!
And when the time's up, the alien ship just blows up everything.
If you make your goals, you get to attack the ship, and then you advance the next level.
Then we got Washington D.C., which looks like SHIT. your object here is defend the E-3.
What's the E-3? Where is it? How do I defend it? I dunno, so fuck it. Wanna see more of the game?
Just use a password.
Ugh...
Oh, God...
Ugh, why is it so slow?
Why is it so ASS?!
Alright, so not to name all the stages, but you got Las Vegas, Moscow, New York City, Paris, and the Mothership.
All I can say is: "they all suck, and it's all just the same".
The worst thing about this is that it makes me feel really guilty to be playing it.
Like, I should be doing somethin' better with my time. Like rollin' dog turds in cement. Like, I gotta get away from this game!
I gotta get out of this room! I gotta - I gotta go out somewhere, do somethin' wild!
Like get a tattoo on my face - of a goat, holdin' up a baby snorting cocaine off its penis!
Y'know, I've played a lot of shit in my day, but this game is FUCK.
The lack of music, the drowning effect it has it, reminds me is somethin' very similar. Something from the past.
"Top Gun" on the NES.
While I hated it, and it drove me insane, I would rather play this than Independence Day. In fact just thinkin' 'bout it is like a breath of fresh air.
Makes me feel like a shitty log coming out of a buffalo's ass and landing in a bowl of M&Ms.
This was a game based off a crappy '80s movie.
But here, we got a game based off a crappy '90s movie.
Top Gun may be a piece of shit, but at least, has a nostalgia factor to it. It's a piece of shit, I might have some affection for.
Video games have come a long way, and this one happens to be middle-of-the-road.
PlayStation, a lot of people, feel was the last of the classic game consoles. Personally, I think it was all over after Super Nintendo.
Now as always, I don't care if you agree with my opinions on games, but what I do care,
you enjoy the video, you have a great 4th of July, drink some beers.
But be safe and most important - celebrate YOUR independence NOT to play shitty FUCKIN' games!
*throws disc*
*explosions*
[English Subtitles by Arena1999]