TEDDY: Last week on "Learning Town."
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHEERING]
PAUL: There's a lot of people we have to thank for this.
But first and foremost, we'd like to thank our producer,
Cookie Tuesdays.
BOTH: To Cookie's office.
[APPLAUSE]
[DOG BARKING]
PAUL: Speech.
Speech.
STORM: Tell me I'm your favorite.
PAUL: No, no.
I'm the favorite [INAUDIBLE].
ALL: We love Cookie.
We love--
Woah.
TEDDY: [INAUDIBLE] wee--
Ugh.
COOKIE: Guys, I'm glad you haven't destroyed the entire
universe in 24 hours.
But I'm trying to balance the show budget, pin down a guest
star for next week's Valentine's Day show--
STORM: Guest star?
COOKIE: --and deal with the network and the insurance
company, neither of whom find our viral puppet fire videos
particularly amazing.
And the homeless family that lives in the dumpster.
HOMELESS MAN: Keep it down out there.
It's family game night.
HOMELESS BOY: Yahtzee.
COOKIE: I can't drop everything every time
something goes wrong.
Or slightly less wrong.
[PHONE RINGING]
COOKIE: Great.
It's the insurance company.
PAUL: Sorry, Cookie.
STORM: Yeah, sorry.
COOKIE: Now, when say virtually uninsurable, that
means we have some wiggle room, right?
STORM: Maybe we should do something nice for Cookie.
You know, take a couple things off her plate.
PAUL: Absolutely.
I could not agree more.
-Hey, guys.
Do you know which room this--
PAUL AND STORM: Ask Cookie.
PAUL: I mean, she's the producer.
We don't want to undermine her by doing her job for her.
STORM: She'd probably appreciate the extra effort.
PAUL: Define extra.
STORM: I'm glad you asked.
(SINGING) Well, we could bake a bunch of brownies, or take
her into town--
PAUL: I've got it.
I'll take care of getting next week's awesome guest star.
We know a bunch of cool famous-ish people.
We get one of them on the show.
Boost the ratings.
Move a few CDs and USB drives on--
STORM: Larry never had guest stars on the show.
Not even famous-ish.
PAUL: He had us.
STORM: Yes.
Yes, he did.
PAUL: Don't' be so negative.
I got this.
STORM: I got this.
[MUSIC - LEARNING LARRY, "LEARNING LARRY THEME SONG"]
LARRY: I love you.
[XYLOPHONE PLAYING]
LARRY: Who's making all that racket?
STORM: Larry?
LARRY: Good learning morning to you my little learning lad.
WANDA: Hey there, sleepy britches.
Want some fresh baked snicker doodles?
STORM: Do I?
Hey.
Where did Wanda go?
LARRY: Exactly.
Where did she go?
Where did the spirit of my show go?
Oh, you need to invert that sad frown,
my little sad clown.
Tell you what?
How about I sing you you a little song?
STORM: You mean it?
LARRY: Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.933195?
STORM: Is it?
LARRY: Yeah.
STORM: OK then.
LARRY: (SINGING) Motherhood.
Family.
Baseball and basic courtesy.
Picnics in the park and real Christmas trees.
Folks put them down, or say they're quaint.
But you and I both know they ain't.
So if they tell you, time to move along, you
tell 'em no, no siree.
Times may change, but important values, never.
Tradition needs to be maintained forever.
We can do it together.
Speaking of doing it, how about that Wanda?
She's pretty great, right?
STORM: Aw, heck yeah.
LARRY: Yeah.
I won her in a poker match during the war.
But you know, she's more than just a smile and
great pair of gams.
Let me explain.
(SINGING) A lovely figure.
A smiling face.
Graceful and quiet, and knows her place.
Always ready with a double scotch and a BLT.
Mm-mm.
Tender hands to rub your back.
Angel in the kitchen, devil in the sack.
When the ladies say it's better now, you tell
'em back, no siree.
You know how many feminists it takes to screw in
a light bulb, boy?
Who cares?
As long as dinner's on the table by 6:00, or by God,
there will be hell to pay.
STORM: Woah, Larry.
It's OK.
LARRY: I'm sorry, son.
I just--
I just get so dang angry at this world sometimes.
Especially when I realize how good we used to have it.
Come on.
Let me tell you all about it.
STORM: Oh, I don't think you have to--
LARRY: Aw, shut up.
(SINGING) Safe and quiet neighborhoods where everybody
speak the English good.
No lower class or Catholic types next door to me.
PUPPETS: (SINGING) Da, da, da.
LARRY: (SINGING) Folks took pride in shining shoes and a
whole separate country club for the Jews.
When they tell you things are better now,
we'll both say no siree.
Me and you pal, making the future brighter.
STORM: OK.
LARRY: (SINGING) Wholesomer, respectfuler, and whiter.
STORM: OK.
LARRY: (SINGING) Everybody trying to
change things 'round.
Bring 'em all together.
We'll take 'em down.
Trigger happy low downs fixing for a showdown.
Hoods, and punks, and foreigners
slacking on the corner.
Dirty hippie losers.
Reefer weed abusers.
Commie pinko fairies thinking they can scare me.
To them, we're gonna say, no siree.
Well, I hope today's message was crystal clear.
STORM: Yes.
You were a horrible, terrible person.
LARRY: [LAUGHING]
Well, at least you learned something.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to finish building that
cross for tonight's bonfire.
[WHISTLING]
STORM: He was just the worst.
WANDA: You have no idea, sweetie.
STORM: But you on the other hand were terrific.
You helped me grow up in a lot of ways, some of which I'd
rather not talk about.
WANDA: Yeah, I get that a lot.
STORM: Even though Larry was Larry, don't you think the
show is still worth saving?
WANDA: I don't think.
I know.
Go get 'em, tiger.
RADIO VOICEOER: It's 11:30 in the morning, and you're
listening to [INAUDIBLE].
COOKIE: You did what?
PAUL: I got us a totally awesome guest star.
-You must be Cookie.
Paul's told me so much about you.
And your ability to pay my appearance fee.
COOKIE: You gotta tell me about things like this.
I just balanced the show budget.
STORM: VIP coming through.
Hey, Paul.
Hey, Cookie.
Hey, celebrity.
-And a wealthy and famous hello to you.
COOKIE: You got a guest star too?
STORM: She's an entire cluster.
A supernova.
A quasar spewing out child-pleasing star stuff.
The original Princess Wanda.
[TAPPING]
WANDA: Hello all you good people.
How do?
It's a special kind of magic to be right here with you.
STORM: She's a little eccentric.
-My rate just went up.
[CHIMES]
WANDA: I'm Princess Wanda, and I will grant you three wishes.
STORM: Can you make sure everyone watches the next
episode of "Learning Town?"
WANDA: Ding.
PAUL: Oh, can you show everyone how to subscribe to
Geek and Sundry?
WANDA: Ding.
STORM: Yeah.
Oh, uh--.
WANDA: Ding.
I never.
PAUL: Nice, dude.
Real nice.
I'm sorry [INAUDIBLE].
STORM: Will you at least think about it?