- If there is a certain person that is making you
wanna ask this question right now, I just want you to know
that I do not like them.
Let's just get that out there right away.
(light music)
What's up socials?
Welcome back to Amy TV.
If you're familiar with the videos I make on this channel,
they usually have something to do with success,
whether it is productivity and time management
or it's simply just how do you put yourself out there
in the best way possible?
But it also comes down to how you work with other people.
I recently went to my Instagram and asked, you know,
something that might intrigue you for a new video
and an idea that you might give me.
Something that a lot of people sent in was
developing a thick skin.
One person specifically said that they get really sensitive
when the comments made at them are more personal
rather than professional.
So even though I don't think that I have this
completely figured out, there are definitely things
that get under my skin.
It is not quite thick enough.
I do think that I have kind of navigated this
in a lot of ways to be able to get so far
as to where I am at this point in time.
I'd like to be further.
Everyone would like to be further, right?
We all think that our sensitivity and our insecurity
and our imposter syndrome is holding us back.
So I kinda wanna talk about the ways that I've
been able to battle it and some of the ways that I haven't
just so we can level up about this
and hopefully make each other better.
If you're into this sort of thing, make sure you subscribe
to this channel.
I make new videos every Wednesday and Sunday
and that view, that subscribe,
those are the type of feedback that are
in the positive column, so thank you.
I don't know if this is gonna come as a surprise or not
but I think I am a sensitive person.
I don't know if I have that thick of skin.
I think, like I said before, I have navigated
certain things as well as I can but,
I actually think it stems from being a sensitive person
and just being in survival mode.
Growing up, I took a lot of things offensively.
I was constantly feeling beaten down by what people
would say at school.
When I fought with my sister and she was my younger sister
and I definitely thought that she was a dingbat
but still, whenever she said something
that kind of hurt, my heart was broken!
I really hated it.
But that's just one example.
I think in a lot of ways, I felt like a misfit growing up.
So that also makes you feel a lot more vulnerable to
what other people are saying to you
whenever they have some choice words.
One of the comments I got specifically differentiated
between ya know, I'm more likely to take it sensitively
if it's personal versus professional.
I think that's a really great start.
Knowing where your vulnerabilities are,
knowing where you kind of hurt in your heart a little bit
when someone comments on it,
that's super important because I think that's the thing
you should focus on, working up that thick skin around.
This is probably not going to be shocking
because you're thinking oh, I really just need to
work on not worrying what people say about my
personal appearance or whatever
'cause that's the only thing that makes me cry at night.
This is probably not a hard conclusion to come to
but good for you to wrap your mind around it.
So, what does that mean?
Let's just say you're more likely to take something
the wrong way if it's a personal comment
versus a professional comment.
Let's start with giving you credit
that you're actually very good at taking
professional feedback.
When your boss gives you a tip,
you don't worry about it or think it's
a passive-aggressive comment.
You just take the advice and you go with it going forward.
You should feel confident about that.
You should give yourself credit for that and I think
that little boost is gonna help you a ton with
the other stuff 'cause you're really gonna start to look at
what are the differences here?
If you're not so worried about where you are
in terms of improving on the professional side,
but you wish you were improving on the personal side,
then we know that the vulnerabilities are gonna
hurt a lot more there and we wanna try to get to be
on the same page as these two areas.
If you're taking everything personally,
whether it's professional or your own life
or your appearance or something or other, just anything,
and you feel like there's absolutely no place that is safe,
then maybe we have a little bit more work to do.
Let me just speak from my experience.
I don't like when anybody says anything
to me about anything.
I mean, let's just be honest, I don't wanna hear it.
My husband will be the first person to tell you,
I don't really take criticism very well.
I actually just don't take it.
It's kinda like a phone call.
I just don't pick up.
That's really unhealthy.
I mean, that's really, really, really not ideal.
I have gotten better at this.
I do believe I've gotten better at this.
I'm not just telling myself that.
So, just give me this.
I put a lot of weight in my decisions
and the things that I do and the very careful steps
that I take, so I actually do welcome criticism.
I know it doesn't come off that way but,
people phrase their criticism differently.
This is where I think my thick skin comes from.
It's if you have said your suggestion or criticism
in a certain way, I may take it personal
but if you said it in a different way,
I probably won't take it personal.
So, this is a dilemma because you can't
change how people talk and anyone who does try to
change how another person talks, you literally should stop.
You should stop immediately.
You are delusional.
We can't change how other people talk
and I know that and I know that's very hard
to come to grips with but it's just true.
People talk the way that they talk.
That's what's kinda messed up about the thick skin
thing for me because if you say something the wrong way,
I'm probably gonna either take it the
right way or the wrong way just based on how you spoke.
We've talked in length, great length on this channel
about the four tendencies quiz that Gretchen Rubin
put out into the world identifying how you develop habits.
I swear I am a questioner to a T.
I've started to realize that I'm a little bit
of an upholder, but I know because of things like this
that I am a questioner.
That's because when someone comes to give me
professional feedback and let's say it's,
"Oh, I really liked your video.
"I would've done something differently."
Or, "That video was terrible."
Those are two different ways to deliver that feedback.
I know that the questioner in me is how I've been
able to develop some of this thick skin
because if somebody says they wish I would've
done something differently, I'm already saying to myself,
"Oh I wanted to but I couldn't because of resources or time,
"or I wouldn't have done it that way.
"I did it the right way.
"I've already made that decision."
Not great for taking criticism.
I could probably take a few pointers here and there
but because I've done something, I took action on it,
I got it out into the world, it's very difficult for me
to listen to criticism especially in the case
where somebody is probably not putting anything
into the world and it's much easier
to be the peanut gallery.
Productive or not, as long as that person
has done something and I'm able to say,
"Oh, this person is speaking from experience,
"or they're speaking from the fact that they are
"my perfect target audience
"and I should be listening to them because
"I should've made it the way that they wanted."
You have to take all of those things into account.
When I have no points in that column,
I am just gonna disregard, that's it.
I haven't been able to get this far in my career
of going, oh God, what year is it?
Nine years.
I have not gotten anywhere by listening
to what everyone told me.
If I did that, I would've accomplished nothing
because if you listen to what everybody tells you
and you try to pivot or you cry a little bit
because you think you're wrong or you messed up,
you're not gonna go anywhere fast.
The most important opinion is mine.
The second most important opinion is my husbands.
The third most important opinion to me is my parents.
And you are one of those people that matter
greatly to me.
You are top five for sure.
Everyone else's opinion is just an opinion.
Everyone has an opinion.
Everyone is gonna share their opinion with you.
Everyone is going to share their opinion
because they simply want to have words in a conversation
so that they are relevant, so when you're talking
about something that happened to you,
they're gonna chime in with something that happened to them
only because they wanna share that,
not actually giving you the time of day
of you talking about what you brought to the table.
It's now about them.
These are people that you're going to come in contact with
and it doesn't mean they are bad and it doesn't mean
that they can't be a part of your life.
It just means that they have a role.
So, to the trolls on the internet who are
maybe commenting on my video or a blog post,
maybe your Instagram, something along those lines,
and they have nothing to say but a two to three words
of negativity, could you walk away and be
banged up about it?
Sure, but that means that you're putting their opinion
at the top of the top of the most important people
in your life.
Even if the people closest to you are not giving you
the feedback you're really hoping for right now,
their opinion really should still matter to you.
Weighing that with continuing to go after the life
you want and accepting the criticism
that's going to get through your very, very, very
strict red velvet rope policy of
only people who are helping me get better may enter,
you'll be fine.
You'll figure out what this thick skin things
looks like for you.
People piss me off all the time.
I take things personally all the time.
And then I look at that person and I think,
"Why were they motivated to say that?"
Whether it's somebody I know really well,
somebody I thought was a cheerleader for me,
somebody who didn't realize they were saying
anything negative at all.
You just have to look at the situation and let it go.
That's how I think I've developed a thick skin.
I don't know if that was helpful for you.
I just wanted to talk through that
because that's not a clean answer.
I can't give you the seven tips for having a thick skin
because it just doesn't actually exist.
It doesn't unless you are heartless
and you do not care whatsoever about human beings
ever, ever, ever in your life.
How you manage what you have to deal with
on a regular basis is what gives you the ability
to pretend like you have thick skin.
I would love to know what you're dealing with
when it comes to needing a thick skin.
What's bothering you?
How can we start to reverse engineer
a thick skin so that you can be the person
that you wanna be and go after the life that you want.
Leave that in the comments below.
Wednesdays and Sundays, I will see you here
on this YouTube channel.
Also, if you have any desire to read from me,
I am trying to answer some of your questions
that you send me on social media in blog posts.
You can always find those at amylandino.com.
That's all for today, socials, thank you so much
for tuning in.
I appreciate it as always.
Make sure you subscribe for good vibes
and remember to continue going after the life
that you want.
Cheers. (upbeat music)