-I've offended an entire community of people.
♪♪
I've, like, damaged my reputation
within that whole community,
and like that's kind of my journey here in like
what I'm trying to get past.
♪♪
-You're not in touch with yourself.
You're not grounded in your body.
-You guys like Jello?
-Not really.
♪♪
-So far on my journey to become a better man,
I've been looking at the future
and trying to build myself as a person for moving forward.
However, sometimes in order to do that,
you have to look back to the past.
And that's what I've been doing lately,
and I actually have a confession to make.
-At the ventriloquist's convention,
you'll find everything.
-2017, I covered a ventriloquist convention,
and in the heat of the moment,
I referred to one of them as an asshole.
I truly liked everyone I had met at the convention,
except for Jeff Dunham, who's a real asshole.
Recently I did a podcast with the ventriloquist themselves,
and I thought it was just
kind of a standard interview, you know
It was going to be a lot of fun,
but they really went off on me.
-You know, you called Jeff Dunham an asshole
in the video, which was among the ventriloquist,
rather controversial.
-I'm just saying that, like me personally was like offended
by some of the material.
-I'm not sure how well your your argument there stands.
-So, you've been to his show.
You said you've seen, like, his crowd?
-Sorry, you're kind of cutting out.
-Sorry. Can you hear me now?
-Sorry, I just lost you. -I can hear you now.
You sound better, actually.
-So, in order to try to overcome these regrets
I have of what I did with the ventriloquists,
I'm going to have to try to learn to forgive myself.
♪♪
Alright, so in order to forgive myself,
I'm going to seek spiritual healing.
♪♪
I'm in British Columbia right now on Vancouver Island
heading to meet a group of alternative...people.
Fuck.
Alright, so I've landed...
No, I shouldn't say landed, right? I've arrived.
So I'm in Vancouver Island. [ Beeping ]
What the fuck does that mean?
And in order to address this regret of mine,
I'm meeting with... Fuck. Sorry.
I'm like too in my head.
Let me just take a sip of water
and chill for a second.
The trauma from my experience with the ventriloquists
was really throwing off my ability to get in the zone.
And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse,
I got mooned.
And then I repeated the exact same mistake
that got me here in the first place.
That was fucking crazy. I got mooned.
[Echoing] What an asshole.
I clearly needed some real help.
I had arrived at a secret location to spend the weekend
with a self-described alternative community
who live a nomadic lifestyle.
They knew that I was here to heal myself from inner regret,
but what they did not know
with the exact details of my experience.
But when I felt good and ready,
I would give them the full story.
-♪ Elevate your mind to a higher vibration ♪
-They're already welcoming us, which is good.
I'm Taji. -Matty.
-Very nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
-Hi, I am Taji. Very nice to meet you.
Hello. How's it going?
The people that I had met so far were all super welcoming,
And as I made my way through a magical forest,
I knew now that the moment had begun to embark
on my journey of self-forgiveness.
We're just going to hold it here for a couple hours.
My healing journey had begun with some meditation.
The act of meditation is said to help liberate the mind,
but with the weight of the ventriloquist
world on my shoulders, I was worried the trauma
would be too much of a distraction.
♪♪
-You called Jeff Dunham [echoing] an asshole.
-Not sure how well your argument there
[echoing] stands up.
-That, I think, is the main thing
that is troubling me. It felt entitled.
So, you've been to his show.
You said you've seen, like, his crowd.
-What me offends you?
-I was curious why you had such animosity there.
-Can you hear me? Hello?
♪♪
-Do you think you're here by some coincidence
or something? No, you're not.
Maybe these cameras are here.
You know, they're filming and everything,
but there's actually a truth beyond what the superficial
seems to be behind the cameras lenses.
We're actually going to learn something from each other today,
and we're actually going to have a genuine connection.
The thing about the spiritual path is once you walk in it,
there's no going back and there is no destination.
It's like climbing a mountain.
You think, you know, you're going to get to the mountaintop.
But the whole journey of life
is about the journey to the mountaintop.
♪♪
-Matty, could we go and share a song together?
-Let's do that.
-I read somewhere that music releases chemicals
linked to feelings of pleasure,
something my broken spirit had not experienced
since my time on the ventriloquist podcast,
so me and my new friends gathered together
for an improvised music session.
♪♪
-[Singing]
♪♪
[Flute [laying off key]
♪♪
-[Laughs] -Yeah.
-That's was cool. Oh, whoa, how's it going?
Good. How are you? -Oh, it's awesome.
How's it going? -Hi. My name is Coco.
Thank you, Nice to meet you.
I feel like you can certainly out flute me here.
♪♪
This was Coco.
There is something about his presence
that I immediately knew would help me in my healing process.
Coco had studied various natural practices,
so it felt like there is no one better
to help me cleanse my mind.
-Sometimes we say things when we're stressed or anxious
and we don't really mean them,
but we never actually talk about that.
And I do feel like this is where we can start.
It's just forgiveness, you know.
Well, that's literally almost like why I am here.
Basically, like, you know, I said something a while back,
a specific group of people took offense to it,
a story I was making.
You know, I'm just kind of like trying to learn
how to just kind of move past that.
I can only speak from the things that have worked for me
and that has been directly confronting the struggle
inside of yourself with yourself.
We're bringing up emotions
that we haven't really taken responsibility for,
because our ability to respond is one of the most...
[Dull ringing]
-Can you hear?
You called Jeff Dunham an asshole.
It's purely an opinion.
-Not sure how well your argument there [echoing] stands up.
[Indistinct talking]
-...falling down a mountain. -Sorry.
Dude, you lost sight. You lost me for on --
-You begin experiencing the world around you
from your six senses, and it's only when
we come and experience how we feel
that we are going to overcome that pit in the stomach.
And to me, that is growth.
-Thank you so much. -Thank you.
But no, that really made a lot of sense.
I mean, I was like...
Not that it wouldn't, you know? It -- yeah.
But no, actually, I mean, yeah, it's all,
like, starting register slowly but surely.
I felt like this was really working, and the wisdom
was really getting through to me.
My mind was well on its way,
so it was time to address my body and soul.
I met up with Jacob, who took me to a big tree
to practice some Tai chi,
well known to boost mood and alleviate pain.
I guess if all fails, I'll just hit my balls on the tree,
but hopefully not fall off.
-Don't -- don't worry about your balls.
♪♪
This is the base of the chi energy,
just in the lower abdomen.
Try and bring it up to your heart,
and let it into this vast forest.
♪♪
-So far, being here has taught me a lot.
I've learned basically that I'm the only person
that can forgive myself.
Is that something you believe in as well?
-I just feel when your heart is connected to a place
where there's thousand-year-old trees
and there's so much interconnectivity
between all these beings, you feel it in yourself
that forgiveness is sure all encompassing.
You can forgive anyone.
You don't need to regret anything.
I remember sitting in a DMT ceremony here
and I left my body
into the astral field, and I'd been way out, you know?
I'd been looking in the externalities.
I'd ended up in in a place where cradled
in a large purple bubble was a small fetus, you know?
And there's some sort of space station,
and when I came back, apparently, unbeknownst to me,
I said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
I'm looking at everyone in the eyes.
Our deep inner beings want to be forgiven
and to move on in the moment with love and compassion
and kindness.
-Thank you. This has been amazing.
-Thanks. Thank you so much.
-The Tai chi really loosened me up and lifted my spirit.
-[Grunts]
-Tapping back into the inner confidence
I gained from my time with the residents
of the ends of spring...
[Indistinct singing]
...I unleashed my full body for a clay mask,
a great way to detoxify my impurities.
[Clay dropping]
Feels kind of like Jello.
-Yeah. -You guys like Jello?
-Not really. -No?
I guess like -- -Too much, uh...
-Yeah, mostly. Yeah, sorry
♪♪
-This is a great example of what you're doing for content
may come off as a hit piece on Jeff
just because it was like,
"Oh, he's racist and he's an asshole.
-As the clay came off me,
my mind and body were feeling brand new.
But there is still some kind of blockage
going on in my soul.
Hopefully at tonight's dinner,
there would be some kind of breakthrough.
-♪ Thank you for the fire ♪
♪ Thank you for the fire ♪
♪ It's healing, it's healing ♪
♪ It's healing us ♪
♪♪
-You know, you called Jeff Dunham an asshole.
-Our ability to respond
is one of the most important things that we have
-I always forgot about that.
-For me, it's about moving forward in life.
-When you look at his character, the photos of this character
might seem racist.
-You don't need to regret anything.
-I was just curious. -Self-realization.
-I'm sorry. -Soul keeping.
-I'm sorry. -Peace.
-I'm sorry. -Connection.
-Harmony. -Kindness.
-Tools -Respect.
-I'm sorry.
♪♪
-To be honest, I don't really remember much from last night.
It was as if I had left my body,
but when I woke up this morning, I felt completely reborn.
So now it was time to finally confess to my new friends
the details of my past mistake.
[Exhales sharply]
So, I want to thank you all for having me here.
I know over the last day
I've been trying to learn to forgive myself,
so I thought I would maybe share the story of why I'm here.
A few years back, I was with a group of ventriloquists,
and, you know, at one point I called one an asshole.
♪♪
You know, I didn't really think much of it at the time,
you know, and then a few years passed
and then recently they contacted me
and we did a podcast together,
me and some of these ventriloquists,
and they brought it up kind of out of nowhere,
that this actually made a big impact on them
in their community.
They were unhappy, it turned out,
and I was not even aware at the time.
And just,I guess I'm wondering if I am forgiven.
♪♪
-What do you think? -Yeah.
-How do you feel?
-Um, I'm ready to forgive myself.
-Good for you, man. -Awesome.
-Thanks for sharing, brother.
-Yeah, thanks for sharing, brother.
-Thank you.
[ Group chanting]
-So, that was it -- Forgiveness.
Even though the ventriloquist community
would never accept me again,
I now know that that's just a part of being human.
Not everyone is going to love you.
The ventriloquists of your life will come and go,
but you can always find love within.
♪♪
I want to thank you all because, I mean,
I'm feeling the most human I have felt in a very long time
and that I'm ready to put this in the past and move forward.
I feel forgiven and I feel happy,
and like I'm one step closer to becoming a better man.
♪♪
Does anyone here like the drum?
Everyone has their own instruments.
Do you have an instrument?
-No.
-Take the drum. You take it.
-You want it? You guys can share the drums.
How about that? You don't want the drum.
-[Laughs] -No one.