- Congratulations everyone
on your first day here at Chomsky's!
(laughter)
Let's get things started
with a round of introductions.
My name is Bemantha,
and I'm the Chomsky's hiring manager.
- I'm Pat, I'm going to be head of Customer Service.
- Yeah, okay,
next.
- Hi,
I'm Johnny Leatherbaby.
Head of Public Relations.
- Oh my God, that's so nice!
Okay, next.
- Um sorry, Bemantha?
This is probably totally inappropriate,
but Johnny just looked so familiar.
He's the guy that started the "Deport the Browns" website
that everyone thought was about
deporting the Cleveland Browns,
but actually about deporting brown people.
- Oh my God.
How did you figure that out?
Are you some sort of tech mastermind?
- What? No, I just Googled it.
Did you not do a background check before you hired him?
- Oh we did,
but no criminal record came up,
so we thought, "Pfft".
- Maybe technically nothing was flagged,
but I do think somebody's prejudices
should absolutely be taken into account
during the hiring process.
Especially in the forward-facing position like PR.
- Uh, yes, you are so right.
Next time we hire someone,
we're getting your tech expertise.
- I just Googled it.
- Johnny,
sorry but I'm going to have to ask you
to go down to HR for a little chat.
- You know,
can I just-- I'm--
pushing boundaries.
And it's just like, I--
I'm sorry, is there no safe space
to try stuff out?
Like does--
people don't even know what jokes are.
Do you understand I'm joking?
Do you know what a joke is?
- Okay, now let's keep it rolling with these
in-tro-ductions!
Ha ha!
Who's next?
- I am Smurp.
I come from the land of shadows and evil.
- Oh my cousin went to college there.
- I'm here at Chomsky's
to be the new Social Media manager.
(evil laughter)
- Ha ha!
I love that;
we need one of those.
Yass.
- Bemantha,
I'm looking at Smurp's Twitter,
and he actually lead the Translucent Souls Matter march
in South Carolina
last year.
- Oh my God.
- [Pat] Yeah.
- How are you digging this stuff up?
You are a technological wunderkind, okay.
Are you with the CIA?
- No, I just Googled it.
- I mean, seriously.
We knew that Smurp didn't list
the proper years he lived at his previous address.
- My bad.
- That was your bad, Smurp.
That's one of the worst things
that anyone that we've ever hired
has done here.
But you!
What are your tech secrets?
Can you reveal them?
- I Googled him,
and then his Twitter came up,
and then I read the first three tweets I saw.
- Wow, I only read the pinned tweet.
- Really,
he's going to be the new Social Media Manager.
- Smurp,
I'm so sorry.
We're going to have to let you go.
- This is a disgrace.
But at least I have a very generous severance package.
(ominous music)
- You see that?
I fired him.
- Yeah, uh, that's the bare minimum.
- And I love that.
That's actually incredible.
So now,
I know we have one more new hire.
Introduce yourself!
- I'm Martin,
and I'm the new spokesperson for Chomsky's.
- I bet we're going to be seeing a lot of you!
- Okay that's (beep) Martin Shkreli.
- I am.
- That's the guy that raised the price of AIDS medication
by 5000 percent.
- I did.
- Oh my God!
Pat!
(room chants "Pat")
You are a technological marvel!
We've got to get you on the JFK team.
We've got to get you on the Zodiac case!
The way your mind works,
the technology you know how to use--
- That's Martin Shkreli!
Everybody knows who Martin Shkreli is,
I didn't even have to look him up.
Besides, he's drinking out of a mug
that has his name on it
and his crime.
He admitted to it.
Did you even look into these people for one second
before you hired them?
- Pat we don't really have the detective-ry skills
that you have.
- [Pat] It was just a Google search.
- I don't really have access to all of the technology--
- [Pat] I just literally Googled it on my computer.
- [Bemantha] Literally for our company
to have the infrastructure--
- I just typed in G-O-O-G-L-E dot C-O-M
- I just Googled it!
- Welp! I guess we're at a stand-still.
Because we don't have as advanced of technology
as Pat here does.
I am so sorry to say, Martin.
But I need to show you up to the HR office.
- Aww.
- I know, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Company policy.
The line is going to be extra long today, too.
- Aww.
- [Bemantha] Ugh, come on.
- No, get off me.
(sigh)
Well I guess it's a good thing she didn't Google me.
(evil laughter)
- Hi, it's Rekha.
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