♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪
(school bell ringing)
- [Narrator] Zack hates his teacher Mr. Dickerson.
The jerk actually wants to teach him stuff.
Tomorrow is their midterm and it's a doozy.
Zack interrupts the review to crack a lame joke.
The class trip is coming up.
Taking this student on this annual adventure
is the highlight of Belding's year.
Milton wants to visit Pennsylvania.
Zack calls him fat and pokes his belly.
Lisa suggests Hawaii but it's too expensive.
Zack volunteers to go alone.
Jessie proposes political activist tourism.
Zack tells her to can it.
Zack's blond belligerence is making discussion impossible
so Belding will decide but they need
to pass their midterms to go.
Zack announces Dickerson
is almost five minutes late to the midterm.
You know what that means.
Everyone can leave in...
- 10...
- [Class] Nine, eight, seven, six...
- Five minute rule, eh Morris?
- How'd you know?
Just made it up.
- [Narrator] No, you didn't, but whatever.
Dickerson won't be in.
The stress of teaching certain hopeless cases
triggered a mental breakdown.
Here's his chill substitute, Mr. Belding.
Zack says, "Hey moron, you're Belding."
But this is also Mr. Belding.
They're brothers.
- Just so there won't be any confusion, call me Rod.
- [Narrator] Very chill.
Rod heard if they don't pass, the trip is canceled.
Rod's not in the mellow harshing biz
and tells everyone to rip up those midterms.
A little too chill.
Then makes a huge mess for the janitor to clean up.
Not chill at all.
Naturally, Zack loves this prick.
What about grades?
Jessie needs an A.
Done.
Zack jumps on that A train.
Rod says you can get what you think you deserve,
dismantling the core structure of graded schooling.
Screech wants an A, but deserves a C plus.
Zack calls him an idiot for displaying honest character.
Belding interrupts Rod's paper plane lecture
to say they're going to Yosemite.
As soon as he leaves, Rod talks shit about his brother
then hosts a Dodgers viewing party
in his office during school,
disrespecting his brother all over the room.
Zack thinks it must be his goddamn birthday.
Zack and Screech are pumped about Yosemite.
Rod says his trip was way cooler.
They went white water rafting.
A bunch of kids unnecessarily risking injury
and death before college?
Totally better than stupid ass Yosemite.
Zack says boring, bald Belding
would never take them rafting
but bastard blond Belding would.
Zack sells the gang on rafting.
Jessie says they agreed on Yosemite with real Belding.
Zack says, "So what?
"We'll just go break his heart."
Belding is thrilled to show his treasured students
the itinerary he's been working hard on.
They're going to observe deer at dawn.
- That's so sweet.
I think I'm gonna cry.
(audience laughter)
- Oh stop it.
- [Narrator] Zack interrupts to say
they want no part of his snoozefest.
They want rafting.
Belding doesn't know much about rafting.
It can be dangerous.
Zack says no problem because Rod,
the dude who has done nothing
but showcase his incapacity for any responsibility
and has failed to display one shred of common sense
and is kind of a weird dick hole,
is the perfect guy for the job.
Belding just wants them to have fun
and if they all feel this way, sure.
The crest falling Belding dumps his dreams in the Zack can.
Rod's using class time for raft time.
Zack's pointing at imaginary animals
and copping a bouncy feel.
Rod hosts a make out tutorial
under the guise of CPR training.
Belding breaks up the smooch show.
He instructs a defiant Rod
to return this class to the classroom.
Zack says Rod rules.
He's so passionate about kids not learning.
Belding thinks Rod should care more about teaching
than popularity.
Zack says he's just jealous then pout stomps away,
emotionally decimating Belding
for the second time since lunch.
The gang is ready to raft.
But where's Rod?
Zack hears Rod in Belding's office.
He's bailing to hang with a flight attendant named Inga
who's only in town this weekend,
despite the fact that flight attendants,
by vocational virtue,
are in and out of town all the fucking time.
Belding says he knew it was a mistake letting Rod return.
He has not changed.
Rod says he'd understand if he could just see
how hot Inga is.
Now cover for the Rodster.
Tell the kids he's sick, which is technically true.
Rod is sick of the kids.
Belding tells Rod to leave and don't come back.
Zack, in full Rod plus vest cosplay, retreats.
Belding says Rod can't make it.
He has the flu.
That's all Zack needs to yell...
- Let's go home, guys.
- [Narrator] Belding might not know much about rafting
or swimming, but he'll risk drowning
to take them on their trip.
Zack wants to know why Belding didn't tell the truth.
Rod's banging a smoke show stewardess with a cool name.
What a legend.
The gang would have loved it.
Classic Rod.
Then Zack decides he'll finally be nice
to this selfless mentor,
now that he has an exciting vacation to offer.
Let's review.
Zack Morris, disgusted by an educator trying to educate him,
drove a teacher insane with his unwinnable future,
just to embrace a sham substitute
who made a mockery of academics.
Then, after Zack made deciding on a trip impossible
with his hostile badgering,
callously snubbed his most patient ally
after he made a well throughout decision,
just to put the mortal fate of his classmates
in the dodgy hands of a man he personally witnessed
was incapable of any substantial obligation
and, who for an adult, displayed an alarming need
to impress children,
then only retracted his scathing dismissals
of his dedicated principal
when it meant a free trip that he did not even earn
because he was never gonna pass that midterm.
Zack Morris is trash.
♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪
(school bell ringing)