Hi, I'm Samantha Bee. Welcome to Full Frontal
Well, here we are. Now, after a massacre, the standard operating procedure is that
you stand on stage and deliver some well-meaning words about how we will get
through this together,
how love wins, how love conquers hate, and that is great.
That is beautiful. But you know what, fuck it
I am too angry for that. Love does not win unless we start loving each other
enough to fix our fuckin problems.
There were three hundred and seventy instances in 2015
where more than four people were shot at one given time, more than one per day
hey, is it okay if instead of making jokes, I just scream for seven minutes
until we go to commercial?
No, it's not okay? Okay, here we go. Mass shootings have become so frequent in
this country it seems like the only thing that will stop a bad guy with a
gun is another bad guy with a gun who coincidentally came to shoot up the same
place. Our mass shooter du jour was Omar Mateen, born in New York.
He beat his ex-wife, he'd been reported multiple times to his employer as
homophobic and unhinged, and the FBI had twice questioned him for ties to
terrorism. But none of these things disqualified him from legally buying a
gun that shoots 45 rounds a minute.
Not even his terrible mirror selfies.
I think we can all agree that if you don't have one friend to hold the phone
for you,
your lone wolf ass doesn't get a gun.
Let this be a lesson, ladies. If someone's tinder profile is just mirror selfies,
they're definitely a murderer. But you know what hey who could have predicted
that letting suspected extremists buy guns was a bad idea? Other than Obama,
less than two weeks ago.
I've got
people who we know have been on ISIL websites, living here in the United
States, US citizens, and we're allowed to put them on the no fly list when it
comes to airlines, but because of the National Rifle Association,
I cannot prohibit those people from buying a gun.
Obama may have been explaining that vulnerability in our gun laws at the
very moment the Orlando shooter was taking advantage of it.
Did the shooter just watch PBS News Hour and go, "hey, that's what I should do"?
You know what, of course
this raises some very thorny questions -- should we restrict people's rights based
on scary things they say? Are innocent lives worth less than the sanctity of
free speech?
Even if it's hate speech? And what about profiling? You know what, these questions
are hard
it's a lot easier to just accept that going to a public place carries a non
zero risk of dying in a hail of bullets.
This could happen anywhere in the world, unfortunately today was Orlando's turn.
Orlando's turn. Mass shootings are so
normalized now that we're taking turns
Hey Minnesota, this is Delaware. It's my turn for a mass shooting tomorrow, but I
have family visiting, so can you switch mass shootings with me? Thanks bye.
and as for anywhere in the world: not quite, Sparky. Australia had five mass
shootings between 1987-1996. Then the public decided that was no fun.
Parliament passed strict gun laws and they haven't had a mass shooting since
then.
Let me repeat that, Australia hasn't had a single mass shooting since the Fresh
Prince left Bel Air and was never heard from again.
Of course, you know, Australia doesn't have a second amendment. Love you Madison, and
congratulations on your Tony, but you really fucked us with that one.
We can't constitutionally get rid of all guns but can't we get semi-automatic
assault rifles out of the hands of civilians?
Sam Bee wants to take your guns away! Yes! The ones that
mow down a roomful of people in seconds, yes I do want to take those guns away.
These high capacity penis substitutes are a shitty choice for hunting and home
protection, but perfect for portable mayhem.
That's right, what Paul Giamatti is to biopics, the highly profitable AR-15 is
to deadly mass shootings. It turns up at gay nightclubs, movie theaters, and
elementary school colleges, even an office party with coworkers
it's nicknamed America's gun and unlike handguns it can be bought in florida
with no waiting period. Perhaps the governor would like to comment on that?
Look,
we're dealing with a tragedy right now, our prayers go out to everybody impacted
law enforcement's doing their job.
If only shooting victims could dodge
bullets as deftly as you dodge that question
there will be plenty of time to think about how do we make, you know, continue
to improve our society
What the fuck are you even talking about? This wasn't even Orlando's first high-profile
gun murder of the weekend.
stop thinking and do something to improve our society
we're going to continue to work on how we do that. We're a resilient state. Bye bye.
what what
okay bye-bye, later skater, don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split
ya
seriously, that guy bolted so fast I'm surprised every wall in the Florida
State House doesn't have a Rick Scott shaped hole in it. But the governor
didn't get too far before CNN managed to get him on the phone
(TAPPER) There are a lot of Americans watching right now who want to know what they can
do to help.
What can they do to help, sir? --(SCOTT) I think the biggest thing is pray. Pray for the victims,
pray for their families,
pray that it never happens again
You heard the man. The biggest, most helpful thing you can do to ensure this
never happens again is sit quietly in a room with your eyes closed, talking to
nobody
Wait a minute, we pray after every mass shooting and yet they keep happening.
Maybe we're not praying right. Can we check the instruction manual?
thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead
Oh, shit.
We were supposed to do something while we prayed? To be fair,
Rick Scott did sign a law restricting personal backyard shooting ranges in
crowded residential neighborhoods, which is apparently something you have to tell
Floridians not to do.
But he spent most of his administration relaxing Florida's gun laws until
they're looser than the twat of an elephant who just had triplets.
I don't know if that's because Scott's head is essentially a semi jacketed 200
9-millimeter round, and I don't care because we were reminded yesterday,
controlling lethal weapons through a patchwork of state laws is pretty
useless as long as America still contains roads and Indiana.
There is no shortage of troubled 20 something's out there and whether
they're radicalized by ISIS or homophobia or white nationalism or a
dislike of movies, we are making it far too easy for their derangement to kill
us.
So until we as a nation find the political will to reject a mass shooting
per day as the price of freedom,
I'm just gonna pray. Are you there, god? It's me, Sam. Please bless the victims and
their friends and families in their time of unspeakable pain.
Give us the courage to say no more.And while you're at it, please send the NRA a
plague of boils.
Amen. We'll be right back.