- You will literally become more magnetic
when you set boundaries with other people,
because boundaries,
setting boundaries, the ability to say no to somebody else,
the ability to say no to something you don't wanna do,
means that you're no longer abandoning yourself.
It literally implies that you value you.
I know for a long time
when I was learning how to set boundaries,
I was so bad at it for such a long time.
I would have people ask me to come over to do things,
to go out.
And I literally didn't even see it as an option to say no.
And I could tell as well
that I had this people pleaser mentality.
Well, when I would hang out with certain people,
I would kind of morph
into whatever they would want me to be.
I would be a certain way.
I would show up a certain way.
And it was very hard for me to say no.
And the interesting thing is,
is that what I was afraid to do,
is I was afraid to be the real me.
I was afraid to be vulnerable
and express what I actually wanted to do,
because I was actually afraid of rejection.
I was afraid of being abandoned.
I think a lot of times
with people that have trouble setting boundaries,
is they're afraid of being abandoned,
if they do set boundaries.
They're afraid of really showing their true colors.
They're afraid of showing what they really want.
Now I think one of the reasons this may be active,
is because as kids, we may have been patterned
into not expressing our true needs.
We may be used to,
maybe you expressed to your mom or your dad what you wanted.
And you realized that when you did that, you got shamed,
which means that you then thought there was something wrong
with you.
I was in yesterday with,
actually today I was doing a call
with my Magnetic Mastery membership,
which is weekly coaching
and accountability and stuff like that.
And today's theme was boundaries.
And I brought somebody on and she explained
that every time she would express what she wanted,
her dad would literally shame her
and make her feel like whatever she wanted was annoying,
didn't matter.
And then she would internalize everything,
because she was in an interesting position
where what she was doing
is she had a narcissistic x best friend
that was her friend nine months ago,
she cut it off completely.
And her question to me was about ghosting this person
versus going no contact.
What do I do now?
Because that person ironically enough,
during the time on that call,
that I was doing that call today,
that friend tried calling her
and she didn't pick up obviously,
cause she was on the Zoom session.
But what I explained is there's a big difference
between ghosting somebody and going no contact.
Ghosting someone is normally
there's an energy that is afraid
to show why you ghosted this person.
You're afraid to show why you went no contact.
Whereas if you go no contact,
you can actually explain to somebody else
why you're going no contact.
Now in her situation,
she had this narcissistic x best friend
that she was used to work with.
And she explained this story
about how she went to a club once
and she got knocked out by some guy.
And her friend literally did left
her in the club knocked out on the floor, left her.
And then later on was mad
at her because she ruined the night.
And it was interesting because then eventually
she realized that this friend,
this narcissistic best friend that she had,
one of the reasons she was attracted
to this narcissistic best friend.
And then she eventually cut off contact,
was because she had a step-dad growing
up that was very similar.
And he would shame her for things happening
to her instead of support her.
And in a weird way,
she may have felt comfortable with this x best friend
because that they did the same thing.
There's something about it that felt familiar.
Now sometimes it's weird.
We attract people into our lives
that reflect back what we believe we deserve.
So if you've ever attracted somebody that's a narcissist,
it might be because in a way you put up with that kind
of energy, not only do you put up with it,
but you might secretly kind of feel familiar with it.
There's something about somebody trying to control you
or somebody that's giving you all these gaslight demands,
that feels in a weird way safe,
but safe a lot of times just means familiar from childhood.
So one of the things that this woman was doing
that was in Magnetic Mastery,
she's realizing that she can actually be more vulnerable
and being vulnerable.
The thing about being vulnerable,
is we believe if we're vulnerable
and we express what we really want,
we're afraid that we're gonna get shamed
or we're gonna get in trouble or we're gonna get rejected
or we're not gonna have approval.
I will tell you from experience
that the more vulnerable I have been with friends
and expressing my true emotions,
the more I've actually been respected.
I remember for a long time,
one of my best friends he's super successful,
has a huge company.
I remember for a long time I would feel so kind of small
in my friend's presence because I felt like there was...
I felt small and I felt like I kind of became a yes man
for a long time.
And eventually what I did is I became aware of this pattern.
And at first I got really mad at myself
and I was like why was I morphing to everyone
else's sense of reality and why was I being this way?
But then I eventually realized,
I forgave myself first off for doing that.
And then I made the choice.
The awareness is the key here.
My friend be...
The person in the Magnetic Mastery becoming aware,
that her best friend had a similar energy to her stepdad,
was a big breakthrough for her I could tell,
because then she realized
it's not really about the best friend.
It's about what about me,
lets this energy around and doesn't say no to it.
So for me for a long time
I would have trouble setting boundaries.
And I could just tell that I was becoming a yes man
to certain people in my life.
And then what I did is I decided, you know what?
I'm gonna start becoming more...
I'm gonna start being more vulnerable.
I'm gonna start sharing what I really think and feel.
And I remember talking to one of my best friends
and actually expressing him how I felt.
And I could just tell there was something that switched.
I could tell he respected me more.
I could tell that there was a greater sense of depth there,
a greater sense of emotional availability and vulnerability.
So I'll tell you from experience,
not only did that help that
but it also helped even in dating.
I remember when I started making this choice about myself,
I then started...
Cause as a nice guy people pleaser,
I was so afraid to show the woman I was dating,
that I was sexually attracted to them.
So I'd be in this friend zone for a long time,
and then eventually I became aware of this pattern
and I realized it's kind of a pattern that my dad
had for a long time.
And also I had this memory of when I was 13 years old
and I asked this 18 year old to dance
with me at this community park thing that I was at
and I was rejected.
She was like, "Oh haha."
She had me dance with another 13 year old.
But in that moment I made this meaning.
I made this story that it's not safe
for me to express my true desires.
And actually what I did is I actually reframed
that where I realized
that I was a pretty freaking badass 13 year old
to go up to an 18 year old to ask them out.
So then I actually was able to reframe that past memory
and I started to feel more confident.
So in a weird way,
one of the most powerful things you could do,
is realize that a lot of the things
in your life that feel familiar,
are simply are a lot of the things in your life.
And the relationships you have in your life,
are simply things that you believe you deserve
because they're familiar energies
that normally stem from childhood.
And once you become aware of this energy,
you can then do something about it.
But if you're not aware of it, it runs you.
Awareness here is key.
And I will say from experience,
even when I first got on YouTube, for example, back in 2017,
I remember my frame was kind of weak,
where anybody that needed my energy,
I would like morph and I wouldn't want the rejection
or disapproval and I would go hang out.
So I remember I had a group...
I have a group of friends that I would hang out with,
drink and there's a lot of fun.
They're still good friends to this day.
However, at the time I remember
I'd feel so guilty if I like said no to hanging out.
But by saying no to that,
I was able to say yes to my daily videos
that I committed to.
So realize when you say no to something,
you're saying yes to something else.
So by saying no to hanging out in those times,
it allowed me the freedom,
to where then I started to create
this amazing momentum on YouTube
and within six months my whole entire life transformed,
but I had to start valuing me and my mission.
And maybe right now,
are you centered on a certain direction with your mission?
Are you centered on a certain direction with you living
in integrity with how you prefer to show up in the world?
Are you being the most vulnerable version of you?
Because if not, then you might be tuning to everyone
else's frame for safety.
You might be tuning to everyone else's frame
because this familiar energy
that you're used to when you were a kid
and realize that the more you become aware of this energy,
the more you can then take your power back
and then realize that a lot the shit in your life
that you you've been internalizing,
you can realize that's their shit, not yours.
That's their stuff.
If your friends don't like it
because you're focused on your vision or your purpose,
that's called conditional love.
Conditional.
They are friends with you as long
as you do what they want you to do.
Because a lot of times growing up we may have had love
that was conditional with our parents.
And they may have said,
"Well, if you get straight As, I'll love you."
If you act this way, you comb,
something I had to do for a while was tuck in my shirt
and comb my hair because my dad's a firefighter.
And that was I guess what firefighter kids
are supposed to do.
Then when I turned 15 or 16, I said, "Screw that."
I grew out my hair a little bit.
I looked like, what was his name?
Jesse McCarthy or some shit.
Jesse McCartney.
I forget, so am like Young Pop's kid like Aaron Carter
or some shit.
But anyways, I completely changed my look.
Cause all of a sudden I had all this freedom
but I realized that,
one thing I had to realize is that love is unconditional.
That if your friends have problem with that,
that is their stuff, not yours
and that you don't really have to internalize it.
And even the more successful you become,
I'll tell you,
the more successful I become as I'm walking
around in front of my house.
Not that I'm trying to brag or anything,
but the more successful you become,
the more boundaries you have to have around your time.
The more that you have to actually say no,
because I've been on YouTube for a while.
I get messages all the time from in my email,
"Come on, come do this, come do this, come do this."
If I said yes to everything,
I'd have no time to do anything else.
So part of having boundaries for me is having the ability
to say no to things, allows me to say yes to myself.
It allows me to say yes to what I'm really passionate about.
And the key is,
is you think what's going to happen,
is you're gonna get rejected.
But I promise you when you set boundaries,
you will actually get more respect.
You will feel more empowered
and you'll in a way become a boundary ninja for a while.
You start saying no to a lot of things
but then you realize
eventually that this isn't about like saying
external boundaries of saying no,
it's about feeling safe in your own body,
because when you're safe in your own body,
and you're present inside your own body,
you can then clearly see what's your shit
versus what's other people's shit.
And you don't have to internalize when other people get mad.
And that was a theme of this Magnetic Mastery.
The membership call that I do, I do it every Sundayish,
depends on when you're watching this.
I might eventually change one of the days
but if you wanna join a community of like-minded people
that are all focused on becoming
their highest vibrational selves,
every single week we go live.
We do that of live coaching.
We do live meditations
and we also do live accountability
where we go into groups
and we do group work of becoming vulnerable,
transforming our life from the inside out.
This has only been open for a couple weeks now
but if you want to join,
now is the time to join.
Go to www.magneticmastery.com.
Join the highest vibrational community on the planet.
Raise your vibe every single week.
These were inspired for my 21 day challenges
where I've seen so many people transform,
like 15,000 people have been through them.
So I thought what if we had an ongoing version of that,
which is just a low monthly fee
and you can cancel it any time.
But anyways you want to check that out go
to magneticmastery.com.
And then also if you want a video
that is gonna show you exactly how to stop people pleasing,
how to set boundaries easily
and how to become the most magnetic version of you,
watch this video right here.
The less you give a shit what other people think about you,
the more magnetic you are.
And it's an interesting thing,
because when you let go of giving a fuck,
you will notice that people respond to you differently,
and that you're not attached
to what other people say, think.