Do they trick or treat in England?
Wait, is Halloween American?
No.
Them teeth, girl, they don't need extra candy.
Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel.
And I'm Katya.
And we are two queens who like to watch horror.
And today, we're watching some classic horror films,
like The Witches,
Gerald's Game,
The Evil Dead,
Scream, and Poltergeist.
I'm gonna be honest,
the only one I haven't seen here is Gerald's Game.
Oh, my God!
- Have you seen it? - I have.
I have so many complicated feelings about it-
I thought you were gonna say, "Me neither."
Now, spoiler alert, if you don't know these classic films,
go to your family's house and slap the (beep)
out of your own mother.
Don't be disappointed if we ruin some surprises for you.
My family was not precious about horror movies,
I mean, Freddy Kruger, all that, was like Wizard of Oz.
Me too!
I credit my psychosocial development
to being raised on horror films.
Is this not the poster child of a person who is fine?
I think so.
I mean, mama, look at the material.
Look at the material.
Stay close to me, the stairs may be treacherous.
Wow, look at the hotel, grandma.
This is The Witches, if you haven't seen this movie,
- you were deprived. - Yeah.
Angelica Houston, icon.
Ugh!
That's the problem with movies like this.
You're trying to make me not like her,
but she looks too fierce.
Mr. Bean!
Mr. Bean, you better work, bitch.
That frumpy aunt and her little kid
can go (beep) themselves.
I'm all about this grand high witch.
This is me and you showing up to a gig.
Look at Ms. Tina Turner on the right!
Okay, so this is Luke.
Little does he know, a conference is about to start
with some secret witches.
Sit down!
Not yet!
Me when we're two hours into a shoot day
and you're like, "Can we leave?"
Look at this woman with her white gloves.
"Please get the (beep) out."
It's like the promoter trying to tell us
what the itinerary they have planned for us
- over the weekend before the show. - Girl!
I'm like,
"Oh, great thank you so much,
and get out!"
When I arrive and they said,
"We're gonna take you out to lunch,"
I said, "No, we're not.
We're not going out to lunch with 12 of your friends."
I will sleep until exactly 8:30,
at which point, I will barely wake up,
sort of shave, kind of get in drag,
and probably arrive in the lobby at 10:30 pm,
at which point, you will drag me to the gig
in an SUV or larger, you will drop me off
at the exit door of the club,
stand in the freezer until I hand you my USB drive,
and the second I hear that music,
I will trollop my (beep) onto that stage
for three and a half minutes,
at which point, you will all wonder whether or not
it was all financially worth it.
All right, RuPaul for her keynote.
- Oh! - Literally!
Wait a minute, go back, go back,
- play it again! - Literally RuPaul!
That was a cape, revealing to a gown.
I have never clocked that before.
Watch, cape,
gown.
(beep)
That's fierce.
So good.
I hate that little bow on the back, though.
Just saying.
You may remove your shoes.
Square feet!
All the witches have square feet.
This is us taking off the shoe
to reveal the six pairs of Capezio
killing the toes.
This is...
Getting out of drag dot com dot org.
Getting out of drag.
Now some of you ask what RuPaul is really like.
Yeah!
And the wigs coming off
and everyone's bald with sores,
this movie is amazing.
You're a disgrace!
This is BeBe Zahara Benet to me
when I don't share one of her music videos.
"You're repulsive worms!"
I remember when I was watching this,
I was, like, a little offended
because I was like-
Because when I saw this, I was, like, a full-on witch,
and I'm like, "Ugly hands, gnarled feet, no hair,"
I was like, "Can I have at least one redeeming quality?"
Well, you get to have magic.
Would you want to have witch powers?
If it means you have to wear a wig, have square feet,
ugly hands, all that?
Oh, so just business as usual plus magic?
Wonderful. Yeah.
My orders!
Oh, not the little garter-diary.
I love that.
"What would you say his name was?
"Was it a Jame Gumb?"
Yeah, when you're a huge slut
and don't want to forget a word of it.
Every child
in England
shall be rubbed out!
They're just killing children!
(beep) kill-
This is a children's book.
Look!
The grand high witch is eating the soup!
So this is two young boys, turned into mice.
They poisoned the soup that all the witches are gonna eat
with the exact potion that turns children into mice.
(burps loudly)
When the edible hits.
Girl, when the edible hits.
Us.
Us, 100% us.
Girl, this is the Circia party at 2:30 am.
Oh right, she turns into the most (beep) disgusting rat!
It's amazing.
I mean, it's The Witches.
This isn't even like a Halloween movie,
this is an every time of the year movie.
I don't just hate kids in October, mama.
It's a year-round affair.
This is probably the most important
horror movie of our time.
A young girl, a year after her mother's death,
her and her teen friends are being terrorized by a killer.
This is the gag because she's on the front of the film
and she's dead in the first (beep) 10 minutes.
She shows a lot of range.
"Oh my God, please don't kill me!"
"Please stop!"
This opening scene is so good.
But you know what, somebody with a house this nice
deserves to die.
By the way, I think you and I are very beautiful,
this would never happen to us.
I would not have stayed on the phone this long.
Who the fuck is talk-
Who is that?
Mary, I'm the loneliest person in the world,
my name is Lonely McEntire, and I'm still not on the phone.
I don't even pick up the phone for people I know.
Neve Campbell!
Turns the (beep) party in these movies.
By the way, this is me three times a year
when my phone number gets leaked and fans call me.
This is (beep) me.
Literally me.
So where are you?
[Man On Phone] Your front porch.
Could you imagine?
No.
I'd be like,
"Well, this is kind of a big house
and it's a big wrap-around porch,
exactly which wing of the house are you in?"
Yeah.
"I'm outside of your house."
"Which county?”
"I have a few houses."
Yeah, which-
"Are you in Malibu or are you in Palm Springs?"
So brave of her to just go out there.
So brave.
If you don't know, kids at home,
this is what the iPhone gen 3 looked like.
Yeah.
By the way, for the time, this is a small cordless phone.
I love a corded phone that comes off the wall
'cause I love to wrap my fingers around it.
Carrying the receiver around,
- "Why don't you just come over?" - Always on tip-toe.
A 50 foot cord just around the house, over tables,
wrapped around the husband.
Yes!
This is fierce.
She's about to pick her nose.
"What am I doing?"
And if you slow it down, the biggest fucking
bat comes out of that cave.
Are you serious?
No, I'm just kidding.
I wouldn't expose Queen Neve on this platform.
[Man On Phone] You you want to die, Sidney?
Your mother sure didn't.
Could you imagine?
Your mom died a year ago.
Oh (beep) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my god, oh my God!
Girl.
I love this movie, that stunt double's not her.
It's a man, yes.
It's a 6'5 Ukrainian man.
Ugh, not the-
Ow!
Kick him in the balls!
Yes, Sid is a fighter!
- Oh, not upstairs! - Up the stairs,
never the move, never the move.
Never the move, right?
She is so smart.
She is smart, that was very smart, good for her.
Get into this (beep), this is some 90's (beep).
Oh my God, not DOS.
DOS!
She's making a call on DOS.
Also, even with this antiquated operating system,
still quicker than today.
100%!
Guaranteed, if I called it, it would be like,
"This is run by FreeConferenceCall.com."
♪ Do do do do do do do ♪
Is that you, Randy?
Rose McGowan is so pretty.
Tank top, turtleneck.
Lose the outfit, if Sidney sees it, she'll flip.
I can’t- If anybody's watching at home,
if you haven't seen this scene,
you'll never look at a garage with a dog door
the same ever again. - Never.
What a bad choice.
- I mean, listen. - What a bad choice.
By the way, my delusional (beep),
"I could never."
The killer would've been like, "You're not stuck.”
That blow-up doll that they crushed, by the way,
fierce.
That is what's so scary about this killer!
Walks back into the party,
take the mask and the costume off, and go have a beer.
- Yeah. - Could be anybody!
So in this scene, Billy, her boyfriend, is like,
"How do I prove to you that I'm not the killer?"
Because she doesn't totally believe it.
What do I have to do
to prove to you that I'm not a killer?
Right when you think that he could be the killer...
Billy watch out!
Oh, this is when he gets stabbed!
Oh, no.
By the way, a lot of rich teenagers in this town.
Lot of, I mean-
- Lot of rich families. - Filthy rich, damn!
- Oh, word. - Oh, that's right,
she falls in that boat.
Also, I don't know if we're gonna get to a clip of it,
Courteney Cox as Gale Weathers in this (beep) movie
is so (beep) fierce.
Earnest local newswoman trying to get the scoop,
are you kidding me?
Is there a more iconic horror film?
Probably not.
Can I just say this, I was at James Charles's house
and I said, "What's an old scary movie to you?"
and he said, Scream.
I literally would've said "Bela Lugosi in Dracula."
I know!
1930s!
- What the (beep)? - Well, he's 21.
He's, like, 10 years younger than me.
Next up, we've got Gerald's Game.
A couple who's having some trouble
is going to, like, a little getaway weekend
where they're gonna get a little kinky.
And this nasty husband handcuffs the woman to the bed.
He dies, hilarity ensues.
Straight people are so fucking comedic.
You could've gone down on her and she would've been shocked!
Read the room!
This poor woman is so not into it, like, ugh.
And these, like, actual police handcuffs,
not the fuzzy kind,
you need to go (beep) yourself.
This doesn't need to be a Fear Factor,
Saw 7 sort of situation.
For straight people, aim low.
Try it with the lights on.
You stay right there, dog.
Is that a dog?
Oh, yeah.
Dog is eating the dead guy.
Eating his face right off.
She's been in this bed for a while.
She needs to get her hand out of the cuff,
and as you might be able to imagine,
it turns a little bit disgusting.
Couldn't be me.
I'm so thin, I would've gone, "I'm stuck!”
"Oh."
Oh, oh God.
Oh, God.
I mean, is she intending to cut the hand off?
She's trying to-
Oh, my God!
The lengths to which people will go to lose a couple pounds.
What is that, maxi pad?
Smart.
She got tampon gear, adult diaper, maxi pad.
Oversized Tweety Bird tee shirt.
Oh, she faints.
Who could blame her, Jesus Christ.
Could you do it?
- No! - 'Cause mama, I'd be dead.
To avoid that, I could close my eyes and go,
"Stop your heart," and I would just die.
- I could kill myself. - Me too!
Abso-(beep)-lutely, I would be like,
"I had a good run, let's just wait it out."
I mean, if you make it through this,
you do a little book tour, you get on Ellen,
- That's true. - she gives you a free MacBook.
- Like, there is a great career out of this. - That’s true.
So this is the 1981 classic, Evil Dead,
starring heartthrob Bruce Campbell.
Some friends go to a cabin in the woods
and accidentally unleash a flesh-possessing demonic energy.
Now, after everything we've seen in horror movies,
would you ever just go kiki in a cabin in the woods?
Never!
Oh God!
Oh, my God!
Thank you.
I don't know what I would've done-
Me on a date.
"Thank you for having sex with me.
"I don't know what I would've done
if you hadn't come over and (beep) me."
Oh, MyLanta.
Did it just bite its own arm off?
Yes, (beep).
Show people you're serious!
"Are you questioning my commitment to this endeavor?"
She's making money moves.
Ash, help me.
Let me out of here, I'm all right now.
Me talking to the bouncer at the bar
after they've thrown me out twice.
After I've literally puked next to Bossa Nova
on Santa Monica.
"Let me back in.
I'm all right now."
I love it that even after all of this drama,
carnage, violence, they still maintain an air of curiosity
about their surroundings.
Totally!
10 people have been murdered, it's like,
"Should we go check out that sound?"
- "What's in there?" - "I think we should."
"That dark tunnel, we still don't even know.”
“Let's find out," yeah.
I'd love to go face-first into a dark, unknown realm.
Oh, (beep)!
(beep) my (beep)!
You bastards!
Why are you torturing me like this?
Why?
Iconic, this is so iconic.
That is, oh my God, after I get refused for my face lift.
I'm just gonna go full-on baby voice.
Me exiting Hamburger Mary's brunch.
It's not a person pulling me,
my feet are chained to a Prius.
Giggling all the way home.
By the way, this all started
because they read from a book.
I haven't read a book since.
The thing that I don't love about horror now
is, like, cell phones really kind of-
There's an out!
- Yeah! - Call the police at any time.
If I butt-dial hard enough,
I'll accidentally call the police.
We have arrived at another iconic movie.
This is Poltergeist.
Y'all gonna die in there!
Family, just moved to a new little house in development,
and things start happening.
Oh, Jesus, don't do that, honey!
You want to see mommy lying in a cigar box
covered with licorice?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
"Do you want to see mommy in a cigar box
- covered with licorice?" - “Covered in licorice?”
What does that mean?
Are you having a stroke?
"Do you want to see mommy covered in (beep)
with her legs torn off?"
You know, go big.
Could you (beep) imagine?
- Could you (beep) imagine? - No, no.
My first instinct?
Hit the daughter.
Karate chop to the neck.
TV people?
If my kid was like, "It's the TV people,"
I'd be like, "Was it Whoopi or Joy Behar?"
Would you be chill with that, Mary?
My ass would've thrown myself out the window
onto a knife and killed myself.
Not to mention do something, like I would love to
leave my drag room and come back
and find all the wigs on heads, like ahh!
Oh, I know.
Go get the mail, I want a ghost that gets the mail.
- Clean, do work. - Sign for packages.
At this point in the film,
they are trying to document what's going on,
and this gentleman from the crew
is just stepping in for a snack.
That's disgusting.
I know I'm a vegetarian, but that's disgusting.
That is so (beep) sick.
That is (beep) rotten.
This is so good.
Oh, no.
This (beep) gets so crazy.
Oh, my God.
This is people on the uppers picking holes in their faces.
You can kill my family, you can stack my kitchen chairs,
but when you start (beep) with the texture on my skin?
Yeah, you don't (beep) with my face.
They think that the drama has subsided
and everybody's getting ready for bed,
and this is why everyone's scared of clown toys.
Ahhh (beep) (beep)
And this is all because Carol Anne
talked to the TV people, so yeah, she did bring this on.
That mom is so glam.
She is so glam.
In a football jersey,
beautiful, flawless legs crossed,
just “What in the world
- is happening on this bed tonight?" - "My kids are being murdered down the hall,
- "God, I just don't know what to do - but look at this haircut."
- with all this hair!" - "Such bounce."
Oh yeah, it's the ghost sex of your dreams.
Crazy.
This shit is crazy.
Do you know how they do this?
It's an upside-down set?
Yes, it's so amazing.
The effects, they really hold up.
This is like 40 years ago.
It's 38 years ago.
Which is 40, as you know.
All right, so this family is ready to escape,
get the fuck out of here.
There you are!
If my husband Craig said, "(beep) the kids, let's just go,"
I would've been like, "Okay!"
And girl, look at your husband Craig.
He is so fine.
(beep) them kids, there's plenty more where that came from.
- What? - So fierce.
The dead will rise.
The keys!
Oh, I do like to watch him
wiggle and reach around in those pants, though.
I sure do.
"Honey, I though we agreed
we'd let the ghosts eat the kids!"
Yeah!
That's me, that's me.
- There you are! - Yeah.
What a budget on this film!
It's amazing.
And that's Poltergeist!
Or, as they call it in Brazil, Poltergigi
Poltergigi
Out of all the classics we watched today,
my absolute favorite has gotta be The Witches.
Work.
- Bald women with square feet who hate kids, - Yeah.
we love to see it.
We love to see it.
What about you?
- Oh, Scream, 100%. - Yeah.
I would rather own five copies of Scream
than one of each of these movies.
Well, we do encourage you to check out
all of these classic horror films on Netflix.
Unhhhh.
Your life will be better
if come November 1st, you saw all of these.