- Hello, my name is Olabode Akintan.
I am a child and adolescent psychiatrist
at McMaster Children's Hospital.
Talking about suicide can be overwhelming
or at least uncomfortable for most people.
If you're a parent or caregiver,
this video is going to focus on
essential questions you can ask your child
or young person to help them manage their safety,
and support them if they're thinking of suicide.
Please feel free to pause this video
at any time or watch it again if you need to.
And definitely reach out to the doctor
or other mental health professional
if this discussion is particularly troubling for you,
or if it's difficult for you.
We see suicidal thoughts and actions as being different,
suicidal thoughts are actually more common
than many people think.
When a young person admits to having suicidal thoughts
or if you suspect that they do,
you may say something like, "I know you've been struggling,
when life becomes too stressful
or just isn't what we needed to be,
people can wish they just weren't here anymore,
and they can think about death.
They just want their struggles to be over.
Have you ever had thoughts like that?"
Also, if your young person is thinking of suicide,
it's important to know whether their thoughts are passive.
"I wish I weren't here anymore."
"What would life be like without me?"
Or active.
"I'm going to kill myself."
To know this, it's best to ask them directly.
By saying something like, "Are your thoughts
Like, I just don't want to be here anymore?
Or are they more specific
like I want to kill myself or I'm going to kill myself?"
It's important to be as clear as possible
because your next action could be different depending
on the response you receive.
And you do not want to make any assumptions.
As professionals we take all thoughts
of suicide seriously.
However, active suicidal thoughts
do increase the risk of someone taking action.
And after learning that your young person
is thinking of suicide,
it's important to ask them the question
of whether they intend to act on their thoughts.
Consider asking,
"Have you ever thought about acting on your thoughts?"
Many people who think about suicide,
have no intention of acting on their thoughts.
And knowing more about that young person's thoughts
and why they are not acting on them,
actually helps us better understand
their reasons for living.
It can allow us to strengthen their commitment to life.
If your young person says that they do intend
or want to act on their thoughts,
this is more serious and you should consider taking them
immediately to a mental health professional
or the nearest emergency room.
The most important thing to know about someone's risk
of dying by suicide, is that risk is always changing.
It's possible that a person will be committed
to life one hour, and in complete despair at the next.
So conversations about suicide have to be ongoing,
especially if you know that your child has struggled
in this way.
Talking about suicide does not give people ideas,
instead it allows for open conversations.
(gentle piano music)
So far so good you're doing great.
Take a few deep breaths.
These conversations are difficult
and require bravery, but they are essential.
(gentle piano music)
Regardless of whether a young person currently has thoughts
or intentions of ending their life,
we encourage you to ask whether they have ever attempted
to end their life before.
Again, it's best to be calm and specific when asking this.
You might say, "Have you ever tried yourself
to kill yourself or prepared to?
Tell me about that.
You're not in trouble.
I really wants to help, and I'm grateful
that you're telling me."
This is definitely something that professionals need to know
as it does place a person at a greater risk of suicide,
and may speak to how they may try to harm themselves
in the future.
It's always concerning when people have attempted
to end their life and have never told anyone.
Please know that people thinking of suicide
do not need to have a plan for how they will end their life.
In fact, most children do not have a plan
and act spontaneously.
But we still ask if you have a plan
because knowing this may help create a safer environment,
removing potential items that they have planned with.
Sometimes young people have plans
that adults know will not result in death
or even serious injury.
And when assessing suicide risks, it matters more
what the person thinks will happen.
The intent of that person is more important instead
of the likelihood of suicidality by that means.
If your young person is doing something
that they think would end their life,
this is serious and requires professional attention.
Some caregivers having this conversation
may learn that the child has a plan
and has started acting on it.
Perhaps saying goodbye to friends,
gathering supplies, and selecting a location.
If this is the case for your young person,
proceed to the nearest emergency room or call 911.
Many parents wonder about the relationship
between suicide and self-harm,
I'd refer you to our "How to talk
with youth about suicide" video for more information.
Now you may be wondering how to go
about having this conversation with your child.
The truth is, it's important to be direct,
calm, and compassionate.
Now that's a tall order for a topic
that many people feel intimidated by.
And some simply just don't understand.
For some, it's fear.
But by being direct, calm and compassionate,
you will assure your child that you will do the best
that you can to handle what they have to tell you,
and show that you are taking their struggle seriously.
Many parents have found it helpful
to first practicing the words suicide, self-harm,
and any other thing that may be emotional
or difficult to say.
There's no shame in practicing this conversation
with yourself in the mirror,
a co parent, or close friend.
Always remember that there's no perfect way.
It's far better to ask than to wait for the perfect moment
because this ongoing conversation could honestly
save your child's life.
In fact, simply knowing you care enough
to have this conversation can lower distress
and increase their commitments to life.
In the description below, you'll find a summary
of suggested questions you can ask your child about suicide.
Know that you're not alone.
These questions will help you keep your young person safe
and ensure that you are aware
of when to involve a mental health professional.
If you're ever unsure,
it's best to reach out for professional help.
Once again, I would encourage you to discuss these
and any other suicide related questions
with your child's mental health clinician,
or other mental health professional.
Thank you.
(gentle piano music)